this is what it feels like // calum hood

28

"So," Ashton started as they walked up the dirt trail, "Wanna talk about it?"

"I don't know," Aly hummed.

"We don't have to."

"What did Sierra tell you?" Aly looked over at him.

"All she asked was if I could come hang out with you, get you out of the house," Ashton shrugged. 

"Really?"

"Well I told her I hadn't heard from you in days, and asked why? But she said you should be the one to tell me, not her."

"And you just went along with it?" Aly questioned, looking over at him extremely confused. 

"Yeah, like it or not I think you're pretty fun to hang out with," he nudged her with his elbow. Aly shook her head, looking at her feet, watching each step.

They fell silent for a little bit as they walked, Aly internally debating with herself.

"I have BPD, with a side of some severe depression," Aly finally spoke.

Ashton just nodded, there was no proper response to that. He understood what it was like to deal with mental health, it was a never ending roller coaster.

"I'm on meds though, good ones! But uhm but I stopped taking them a week ago and uhm yeah I guess now I'm back at step one again," Aly walked with her hands behind her back, her fingers laced together.

"Thank you for telling me"

"Uhm I haven't told Cal, yet, don't tell him please," Aly looked over at him.

"I won't, it's not mine to share," Ashton held his hands up in defense, "What is going on with you two anyway?"

"I have no clue now, I probably fucked it up," Aly sighed.

"I haven't talked you since the show what even happened?"

Aly told him about everything. Calum directing Amnesia at her. Then her asking him about it, the two of them talking and then kissing backstage. 

"All this happened and I was watching Michael and Luke struggle to take a picture?" Ashton exclaimed over dramatically.

"Oh shut up," Aly pushed him teasingly, she paused before speaking again, "But now I don't know what to do. The whole breakup thing with Christian really hurt but was really easy? And even though I did it to be with Cal it just...I don't know, nothing makes sense anymore."

"We'll I know he's home all day if you wanna go there after," Ashton suggestion.

"What do I even say?" She looked over at him.

"Well, you could tell him why you haven't talked to him in a week but you also don't have to if you don't want to," Ashton spoke as they came to the top of the hill, they both stopped, looking out at the city.

"I want to but I also don't want to scare him away," Aly sat down on a large rock looking up at Ashton. 

"Then don't, he doesn't need to know just yet, but I bet he'll understand."