NYX

32

"come on, i'll keep you busy" i whisper in lilith's ear, her hot breath tickling my throat. it's 9pm, not late, but the sun is already down.

"keep me busy huh?" she whispers back, and i can feel her growing underneath me. i only smirk back, grinding my wet core against her hard cock.

"just watch this movie with me, i don't care what you do to me while watching it, just sit here with me?" a low chuckle comes from her, her fingers rolling up and down my hips.

"you know you don't have to do this, i'll gladly just hold you baby, everything doesn't have to be sexual" her words makes me smile, before bringing her in to a big kiss.

her mouth tastes like the strawberries dipped in chocolate we just had, mine probably does too. it's sweet.

"sorry, just a habit i guess, like i love sex, but i'm used to people only loving me while getting it" she only hums, kissing my jaw.

"better be good i'm not people then" i smile back at her, before kissing her once more.

-

having someone love me, for me. is weird. i can't describe it. although we haven't said "i love you" yet, i know she does. and that might be bold of me to even think. but i just know it.

normally people abuse my sluttyness if that's even a word. although people have taken advantage of it before, it doesn't mean i've changed who i am. bitches don't have the right to make me feel like trash.

it's weird. i haven't felt anyones love since the accident. and i never thought i would. i still haven't told lilith about it, and i'm not sure when i'm going to.

i hate opening up, it makes me feel like i'm seeking attention.

and maybe there's something traumatic that has happened in her life too? that i just don't know about. but just as she doesn't push me, i'm not going to push her. i'm not that kind of person.

the thought of loving someone is, scary. and the fact that i now have someone that i love. scares me, everything i've ever loved has been dragged away from me. and sometimes that makes me feel unlovable. maybe i am?

sometimes thinking about love makes me want to go six feet under. i think loving someone, and having them love me back is definitely my biggest fear. because as far as i know, nothing lasts forever.

and nothing ever will.

i hold onto lilith tighter, feeling her soft breath on my neck. i don't want her to go away from me. and i don't care if that makes me selfish. i want her for myself, and although i don't think she has fuck buddies, you never know.

maybe i have a jealousy problem.

but is it really that bad of me to want to keep what's mine? because even though she might be the dominant one, it doesn't make her anyless mine. she became mine when she asked me to go here with her.

there's no way we aren't more than friends, we're so much more. and there's no denying that.

"are you okay, my dear?" i hear her whisper, kissing my neck gently. ever since we watched that movie she's been holding me. even now, hours later. although we moved from the couch to the bed.

"i'm okay baby, go back to sleep," i whisper, kissing her forehead. she smiles against my skin, her arms tightening around me. that's the first time i've called her baby.