NYX

34

"baby please, tell me what's going on" my hands go through her hair, the light of the tv flashing on her face.

her head lays on my lap, tears softly rolling down her cheek as she watches the tv. it's the next day, and she still won't tell me what it is. her whole body is curled into a ball, as she hugs herself. a warm blanket over herself.

lilith even called off work today, refusing to go. and she has barely spoken today, only letting out small cries while i held her. i feel helpless, she wont let me help her. or even tell me what's wrong. and it fucking sucks.

yet, no words.

maybe it's pushy of me. but i can't keep going on like this. not knowing what's going on. it makes me feel so small, and weak in a way. like whatever i do will never be enough, like i'll just keep on trying and fail every time.

her head turns to look at me, tears rolling down her cheek. her face is red and puffy, my thumb dries her tears. there's this look in her eyes, that i can't describe, she looks so lost.

"baby, please talk to me" i whisper, leaning down to kiss her forehead. i hold her head in my hands, pressing my forehead against hers. i hate seeing her like this.

a small sob breaks from her, as she closes her eyes. why cant lilith just talk to me. that's all i ask. i know trust may be hard, but right now i need her to trust me.

lilith's eyes open, looking at me while tears roll down her cheeks. "my mom died 3 years ago today. i just don't know how to deal with it" she whispers, before breaking into a sob.

i take my hand on her waist, signing for her to sit up. she gently sits up in my lap, laying her head in the crook of my neck."oh baby" my hands hold her as close as possible, my palm stroking her back.

we stay there for a while, but now i don't feel so hopeless. now i know what actually helps. and i know just her telling me must've been hard. people seeing us at our weakest can be very hard. but showing someone that side is more brave than you can even imagine. at least that's how i look at it.

"i'm sorry i should've told you sooner. it's just people always feel so bad for me, or ask a hundred questions, and i wasn't ready for that" she sighs, taking her head up to look at me.

her eyes are even more red, her cheeks the same red color. you can see the stains of her tears, and the new ones falling down. my hands cup her cheeks, kissing her tears softly. "it's okay, i know how it can be" i mumble.

lilith sniffles, her eyes meeting mine. "you do?" i give her a weak smile, kissing her cheeks once more. over the past weeks i've grown to care so much about her. its almost scary.

"my parents died when i was 16, my brother killed himself a week later. every time i told someone they'd just ask a million questions, so it just ended up with me not saying anything. wow, that's weird to say, i haven't told anyone since i was 18"

i keep eye contact with her, lilith gives me a small smile. "i'm sorry my dear"

"don't be, you can't do anything about it. how about we go get ice cream?"

"i'd like that"