"Hey," Apo says after Bible has walked away. "Are you okay?"
No.
No, I'm not okay.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
I force a smile for him before following after Bible. The room goes silent when we walk in. The tension between Bible and I is palpable and I can read the curiosity on the guys' faces.
The conversation resumes eventually after we are all settled but no one dares speak to either of us.
I look up and stare at Bible who is seated directly across from me. His eyes are on his glass which he swirls around.
He looks so damn miserable and I hate that I am the one that did that to him. I look around the table and wonder how I would react if any of the other guys approached me and told me that they had a crush on me.
Would I have gone out with any of them?
Would I have done with them what Bible and I have?
They are all good-looking guys but It's hard to imagine myself being with anyone but Bible.
Hard to imagine Bible liking anyone else but me.
We can't be over.
I am not okay with us being over. Not when I have felt his hands on me.
Not when my heart hammers at the sight of the man.
This numb feeling.... I hate it.
I look up at Bible and study his face. Run my eyes over his strong masculine features. He looks nothing like any of my exes granted they were all women but still...
I've never felt this way about anyone before.
"You were wrong about me; you know that right?" I say, not shifting my eyes from Bible so he knows it's him I'm speaking to.
Apo places a hand on my knee to remind me that we are not alone but... I know that.
And I don't care.
"What do you mean?" Bible asks, his eyes briefly looking around at the other guys who are no doubt listening in but I don't shift my eyes off him.
"When you said that it was so easy for me to turn my emotions on and off..."
I hiss out when Apo kicks me under the table. I glare at him before turning back to Bible who has a slightly panicked look on his face.
"Isn't it?"
"It's not possible, Bible." I sit back but don't take my eyes off him even for a second. "I can hide what I am feeling, sure. I can put on a cold emotionless front for people but I can't choose when to have certain feelings because if I could, then right now I would choose not to be in love with you."
The room goes silent you could hear a pin drop before Apo clears his throat loudly and starts laughing, the sound awkward at best.
"That was a great performance Jeff, wow, I almost believed it."
Clearly Apo is giving me an out but I don't take it and surprisingly, neither does Bible.
We both know I am not putting up a performance. I would never choose to expose myself this way if I didn't mean it.
Everyone at this table knows it.
Bible knows it.
"Wow, a love confession, and in front of us? I didn't see that coming," Mile speaks up from somewhere, clearly not buying Apo's poor excuse of this being a performance.
"Wait, are they practicing for a plot? Did they get cast into another BL?"
No one bothers to respond to the person who speaks out, not when they are all watching for Bible's reaction. Myself included.
"Why now?" Bible asks.
"Because I just figured it out myself. It's useless to wait until later to tell you this. You'll probably come up with some sort of ridiculous excuse so here I am, baring my heart with an audience. Maybe then it'll help with the doubts."
"Are you saying this because it's the truth or so just I stay?"
"Can it not be both?"
"What changes now?"
"Other than my feelings for you?"
"Yes, other than that?"
"Nothing... and everything. Does it make it easier for you, to know that you are the one I am in love with, when I get up on stage and flirt with another man?"
"I... I don't know."
"Figure it out and then let me know."
With that, I reach for a jug and pour some juice into my glass. I can feel eyes on me as I sip at the passion fruit juice.
"Wow," Perth says from somewhere down the table. "Was that a love confession or a threat? I don't know whether to be impressed or scared of Jeff."
"I'm both. Mostly scared for Bible though."
I tune out the chatter as I study the man I just confessed to.
I am in love with Bible. It doesn't make sense.
It shouldn't make sense because I don't know what the word even means and yet... saying the words out loud felt right.
I don't regret saying them in front of the guys. Part of me... a jealous and fiercely possessive part of me that I refuse to acknowledge.... Felt the need to say it out loud so that anyone at the table who has feelings for Bible can back off.
It's only right that they know to whom he belongs.
It's only right that Bible re-learns it too.
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