CRUSH (JeffBible I)

CHAPTER 25

BIBLE

The sun filters through the windows but I don't have to look at the watch to tell what time it is when I haven't slept a wink. 

My body protests when  sit up. Events from night before still fresh in my mind. 

I can still feel the bruises on my knee from kneeling on the hard floor for Jeff. I can still taste him on my tongue and that doesn't exactly help with getting over him. 

I have come to terms with the fact that I might never get over him.

The door bursts open and Apo walks in, sunglasses suspended in his hair. His smile falters when he meets my dulled face. His eyes shift to the figure sleeping on the other bed before coming back to me again. 

"Did you catch any sleep? Your eyes look dark and puffy."

"Thanks," I say sarcastically. "That was the look I was going for."

"Right," he say, watching Jeff's sleeping figure warily before turning to me and grabbing my hand. He leads us out of the room and shut the door firmly behind us. I try to protests seeing I am dressed only in shorts but he shoots me a look that has me shutting my mouth. 

I have never seen Apo anything but happy so this look on his is terrifying even to me. 

"I want answers..."

"You can't get everything you want, Apo."

"You guys were fine. Why the hell did you have to go and mess it up?"

"Me?" I hiss, pushing away from Apo. 

"You said you spent the weekend with your ex girlfriend. Whatever happened between the two of you shouldn't have pushed you to cheat on Jeff."

I glare at Apo. It's clear who's side he's taking in this matter even though he doesn't understand the entire story. 

Did Jeff tell him about us?

Is that why he's blaming me for this?

"Jeff told me about it. About you getting mad at him for being so close with someone else onstage. Dude, it's called acting. Can't you tell the difference?"

I feel anger brewing up in my chest and I want to punch something. 

"I'm going to walk away before I start hating you, Apo. You are a great friend but maybe stay out of my business."

I don't wait for him to respond before walking back to the room and heading straight for the ensuite. 

It's clear everyone thinks my jealousy is a joke. That I am being ridiculous for having a normal reaction to seeing some other guy touch my boyfriend...

Ex. 

Ex-boyfriend. 

And maybe they are right but it's more than that. It's the fact that my feelings for Jeff are strong enough for me to care whom he's with. To care who he is touching when he's not acting. 

What I am most scared of and what both Jeff and Apo don't see, is how loud and heavily pronounced my feelings for Jeff are.

Every time I am near him, my heart and mind unite to drive me wild that I become truly and utterly a slave to my needs. So much so that I can't think. 

I'm afraid that this can no longer be viewed as an innocent crush but a full blown obsession. 

An addiction. 

Maybe everyone is right about my overreaction but every time I close my eyes, all I see is Jeff standing on stage smiling at someone else. Giving them the smile that he gives me and in turn, making me feel even less special. 

I see him laughing at my face for checking if he is okay to let another man touch me.

A knock on the door startles me out of my stupor and I jump back. 

"Bible, I need to use the bathroom." Jeff's voice filters in. 

"Uhm.." my voice breaks and I have to clear it before speaking again. "I'll be out in a second."

I splash water to my face and look up into the mirror. My face is indeed puffy and eyes clouded. The makeup team will not like this at all. 

And they don't. 

Hours later, my makeup artist complains as he works on my face, trying to hide the exhaustion lines on my face. 

"It's a good thing you have youth on your side or these would take forever to hide."

I don't speak as I let him do work, all the while cursing me out for not getting enough rest. 

"Anyway, why are you so gloomy today, did you get your heart broken?"

"Maybe," I find myself saying. 

"Oh," he says, the brush on my face pausing it's movement. "I didn't expect you to respond. So, boy or girl?"

"Boy," I say honestly.

"Hmm, I didn't think you swing that way but good for you. So, why did he break up with you?"

"Why do you assume that I am the one who got dumped."

"Oh, honey, let's be honest. You wouldn't be this miserable if you were the one to call it quits."

A loud laugh filters to my way and I look up to find Jeff and some of other guy in our crew huddled together laughing. One of the guys says something and his head falls back as he cracks up loud enough to draw attention to him and my heart aches. 

"You're right," I say looking away. "I was dumped."

"Why?"

"For feeling too much."

"Hmm, that's not good. No one likes a clingy boyfriend."

I look back at Jeff, unable to keep my eyes off him. "I do."

 "You want my advice?" Thassa grabs my chin and turn me so that I am facing him.

"Uh?"

"My advice for you is to find someone that matches your needs and energy. If you give too much and the other doesn't give enough even if they love you, you'll always feel a void between you."

"But I don't want anyone else."

"It doesn't have to be someone..."

Another laugh breaks and this time, everyone in the room turns to the men who are clearly having the time of their lives. 

I watch Jeff carelessly interact with his friends and there is no stopping the bitterness that brews inside of me. It was so easy for him to fall asleep. So easy for him to chat and laugh with his friends after our conversation last night. 

So easy to let me go. 

"What do you mean it doesn't have to be someone else."

"Bible, the one thing that heals a broken heart, is an overworked brain. Maybe it's time you focused your energy on something else, like your career. In no time, the man who broke your heart will be nothing but a distance memory."

"You think so?"

"I know so."