JEFF
I had every intention of turning Bible down.
See, I am not gay. I have never kissed a guy offscreen and I wasn't willing to find out what it's like but then... Bible happened.
I didn't just kiss him, no. I offered to go out with him and explore our feelings.
I find it hard to push him away. To tell him that I am not in the right head space to date when my career is at the highest it's ever been.
That I don't want to date him, or anyone else for that matter. I am at the point in life where I need to focus on my career with no distractions but here I am... getting distracted.
So what, he has a crush on me? Lot's of people have crushes on me but you don't see me dating them.
And yet...
Yet, here I am, waiting for Bible at the entrance to the theatre. We have a date to watch a movie that just came out and part of me hopes that he doesn't show up so that we can end this thing but I know him well, he is not the type to break engagements.
Not the same can be said about arriving on time.
My phone vibrates in my pockets and I reach for it to see the message from my manager. I know he is not happy about me cancelling a show to come here.
Something else that shows how crazy I really am.
His texts asks for a confirmation on whether I am really cancelling the show and I text back to tell him to ask them to postpone. I am not exactly happy about cancelling a show but I would rather do so than hurt Bible, speaking of which...
Where the hell is he?
The movie is set to start any minute from now and he's yet to show up. I check my phone and I don't see a text or missed call from the guy so I decide to call him.
Except his phone is turned off.
This pisses me for a second before it dawns that he could have gotten into an accident. The image of Bible lying somewhere hurt sends my heart racing. I shove the popcorns I'd already bought into the arms of the person standing next to me and rush out the doors.
I barely make it to my car before my phone pings again. I grab it hoping it's a text from Bible but it's an Instagram notification. I almost ignore it when I see the people tagged. Clicking on it is enough to tell me what I need to know.
Bible stood me up.
I stare at the picture of him and his friends posing by the pool with matching smiles on their faces and fuck if that doesn't puncture my pride.
I like the photo so he knows I've seen it before throwing the phone to the passenger seat in agitation. I can't believe I cancelled a show for this. I could call my manager to book me back in but with the mood I'm in, I don't really think I could stand in front of a crowd and sing.
This is why I was so sure that dating would affect my career.
Bible is the one that likes me. He is the one with the freaking CRUSH and not me.
I close my eyes and force in deep breathes.
It's no big deal Jeff, he just had cold feet. It's fine. Except it doesn't feel fine.
I put myself out there for him, I was ready to try something I never have for him and this is how he picks to repay me. Not so much as a text to apologize for wasting my fucking time.
There's no use thinking about it. I made a mistake and it sure won't happen again. With that thought in place, I start my car and pull out of parking. Praying that I'll get home faster and grab something to wash off the bitter taste in my mouth.
Although I don't have a crush on Bible like he does me, I would be lying if I said I was indifferent to him. The attraction is there, strengthened by the kiss we shared a few nights ago.
Maybe that's why getting stood up by him sucks this bad because as much as I was fighting myself on dating him, part of me was looking forward to going out with him.
The second I am parked outside my home, I shoot a text to my manager apologizing for cancelling and promise him that it'll never happen again... because it won't.
Thankfully, he is understanding so I turn off my phone and head to my home studio. Suddenly in the mood to write some music thanks to Bible.
I don't know how long I stay in there before my stomach starts growling, threatening to kill me if I don't feed it. A quick snack fixes that for me and as much as I want to go back to composing some music, I really need to rest. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day and I could use the rest.
I only remember to grab my phone after I am done getting ready for bed. It pings with messages the second I start it.
Bible's name pops up at the very top and I stare at it for a long time before finally giving in a clicking on it. I expect and apology or some sort of excuse but I get none of that.
It's like the weekend didn't happen.
It's like he didn't look me in the eye and confess his feelings for me.
Like his lips didn't touch mine in anything but an accident.
I don't bother to type a response before placing the phone over the bedside table. Ready to forget about Bible, his confession and the date that never got to happen.
Bible: Hey, I thought about what happened last weekend and I think I was a little too drunk to know what I was doing. Please forget about everything I said. I am truly embarrassed now that I think about it. Thanks for being chill about it. See yah.
