BIBLE
I don't believe him.
After everything that has happened between us, for Jeff to pull an "I love you" out of thin air is...
It's sooo...
Wrong. At least that's how I feel.
How the hell does he go from "I won't give up anything for you." to "I am in love with you?"
The sound of footsteps approaching has me tensing. I don't want to talk to Jeff right now. Not when my body is such a ball of nerves.
"Hey," Build's soft voice whispers from beside me as he places his arms on the railing next to mine. I have no idea what he is doing up so late into the night.
The same could be asked of me.
"Hey," I respond, not taking my eyes off the night. The sound of the ocean calms my frayed nerves.
"Can't sleep?" Build asks after a prolonged silence.
"Something like that."
"Is it because of the confession Jeff made during lunch?"
"Romantic, wasn't it?"
"I don't know about romantic..."
I turn to look at my co-star and there is a weird look on his face that I can't get a read on. His eyes are fixed on the ocean but I can tell there is something on his mind.
"Do you have something to tell me, Build?"
He chews at his lips as though contemplating whether to tell me whatever is bothering him or to just let it go.
"Look, Bib..." his voice trails off but he turns to face me. "When you and Jeff left, I followed you out."
No!
"You heard..."
"I did, but it was an accident. Look Bible, the guys thought that you and Jeff were fighting so they sent me after you to make sure you didn't come to blows. I never expected to learn that you guys were involved. I also didn't mean to eavesdrop...."
He heard.
A private moment between Jeff and I, a place and time where I bore my heart to a man that wouldn't take it... almost begged for his love and...
It wasn't private.
Build was a witness to it all. Does he think I am weak?
Does he see me differently now that he knows how pathetic and dim-witted I get whenever Jeff touches me?
Knowing that I actually talked to Jeff about Build has a sense of shame flooding in.
"Well..." I run my hands over my face before smoothening my hair back.
"Bible, I don't care that you are gay or bi or whatever and I know this is none of my business but I don't think it's a good idea for you and Jeff to date."
My eyes spring to his in shock. I know I warned Apo against meddling in my business but Apo has been relying on what Jeff told him. Part of me wants to hear what someone who actually heard us, thinks.
"Why's that?"
Build clears his throat nervously and I can tell how uncomfortable this conversation is for him.
"Jeff is... toying with you."
"Build..."
"No listen, I know you don't want to hear this and I have no right to meddle but I am the only other person that was there when he was talking to you. You wouldn't bend to his will when it was just the two of you so he gave you the one thing he thought you wanted."
"And what is that?"
"A promise."
I close my eyes and look away, fisting my hair and letting out a frustrated groan. "Fuck!"
He's not wrong.
Fuck! He's not wrong and we both know it.
"Bible, you were so willing to change for him, to bend to his will but he wouldn't do the same for you. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this but if you give in to him this time, you will always find yourself forfeiting your wants just because he promises love."
Does it make it easier for you, to know that you are the one I am in love with when I go up on stage and flirt with another man?
"Fuck!" I curse out as the memory of Jeff's words from earlier filters in.
I want Jeff. So fucking much.
I'll admit that when he confessed his love for me in front of all the guys earlier on, my heart skipped a couple of beats and I wanted to lean over and plant my lips on his but... with every passing second, the confession felt hollow.
I don't know why the initial joy of hearing the words faded with every minute but now...
Does my accepting Jeff's love confession automatically ensure that I accept all the things he and I have been fighting about?
Even worse, is this what he is hoping will happen?
He must have known that I couldn't reject the idea of being with him. Not when he has made it clear to the other guys that I belong to him.
"Bible...?"
"I like him."
"And...?"
I close my eyes and dig into my soul. I know he is not going to like my response. I don't like it either but...
"It will hurt me more than it'll hurt him to reject his affection."
Build sighs as though disappointed in me but he is not the only one. It's pathetic.
Sad and Pathetic for Jeff to have me by the balls the way he does but I am the one with the Crush.
I am the one that fell first.
Most people's crushes don't even give them the time of the day let alone go out with them and... maybe I've been asking for far too much from Jeff.
He said he loved me, didn't he? Maybe I should give him a chance to prove it.
"He is going to break your heart."
I know.
