BIBLE
Jeff's muted voice wakes me up from sleep. Part of me doesn't want to get out of bed yet so I let Jeff's soft voice lure me back to sleep.
And I am almost falling when his words start filtering in and that has me shooting up.
"What do you mean I need to stay away from Bible? This is crazy."
I can't hear what the other person on the other end says but it seems to aggravate Jeff even further.
"No, this is insane. We have acted in the same series together. It'll be suspicious to other people if I start avoiding him now."
My heart skips with every word. I have no idea who Jeff is talking to but with the little I have heard, it's obvious that the person on the other end of the line knows about us and they want Jeff to stay away from me.
"Look, we're about to go shoot for the day and I will talk to you later..." his voice trails off as the other person speaks.
"No, you can't do this. I can't leave in the middle for a shoot. People are going to be suspicious if I suddenly disappear and return to Bangkok the second Bible gets outed. No, I will not perform at the show, just cancel it."
Outed...
Did he just say outed?
I close my eyes the second Jeff start turning to my direction and feign sleep but my mind spins like a wheel as I try to process Jeff's words.
What the hell did he mean by "Bible gets outed"
I wait until Jeff has turned away before reaching for my phone and the second, I tap the screen, it lights up with notifications from... everywhere.
My phone buzzes and messages sweep in that I don't even know where to tap first. There are close to fifty missed calls and fifteen of those are from my manager.
I scroll through my private messages where all my friends are asking me to confirm the news although I have no idea what they are even talking about.
It's not until I go on twitter that the full force of what it's all about hits me.
And suddenly, Jeff's broken phone conversations make sense. Of course, whoever is at the other end of the line, would want him to stay away from me.
The gay one.
I stare at my screen until it's snatched from my fingers. I don't look up to meet Jeff's eyes.
I've just been exposed to the entire internet and now....
And now everyone wants Jeff to stay the hell away from me.
To stay away from My boyfriend.
"Enough," Jeff says, lowering himself to the bed and drawing his arms around me. "That's enough Bible. It's just gossip. It will die out soon."
We both know that is not true.
In the entertainment industry, all forms of gossip follow you for the entirety of your career. Five, ten, or fifteen years from now, people will still remember of the rumors that claimed I was gay.
And now if Jeff stays with me, then he could have his name attached to my drama. He is very protective of his career, it's all we fight about really and now...
I could endanger his livelihood with these rumors.
I can't do it, I realize.
I realize too late that I am also in love with Jeff. I bite my lower lip to mute the ache that builds up in my throat.
Fuck!
I am so fucking in love with Jeff that just the idea of endangering his career makes me want to throw up.
Is this how love is supposed to feel like? Suffocating and all consuming?
Jeff didn't seem as overwhelmed yesterday when he told me that he was in love with me and yet, in this very moment, as he runs his hands down my muscular back, all I can think is how much I would give up for this man.
I was ready to give myself to him at the risk of my own sanity and now...
Now I am going to have to let him go at the risk of my heart.
"I'm okay," I say, pulling away from the hug and forcing on a smile.
Jeff's eyes are worried as he runs them over my face.
"Bible, you don't have to pretend with me. I know you are not okay. I know I would not be okay but I promise you that I am going to get to the bottom of this. The person that did this is going to pay, Bible..."
I withdraw from his arms, shrugging as I push back the covers and putting on an indifference face. I learned this from him.
To not let my emotions show.
"Jeff, I promise you that I am not worried about anything. It's like you said, these are just baseless rumors and they will die off in no time. All I have to do is not react how they would expect me to."
"What do you mean?" His voice is cautious and his brows furrow as they watch me.
"Let me show you," I reach over for my phone and scroll through to my twitter account before posting a laughing emoji. The post isn't up for seconds before people flood my comment section but I turn my phone off.
"Bible..."
"It'll die off Jeff, let it go, okay?"
"No," he runs a hand over his long hair frustratingly and swipes it from his forehead before staring at me. "You don't understand Bible. There is a footage of you and I touching or is it, kissing? I don't even remember. The agency bought it from the blackmailer and they want us to stay apart."
"I guess they would say that," I mutter.
"What do you mean, Bible. They are asking us to..."
I climb out of bed and step right in front of him, ignoring the fact that I am in the nude. It's not like he hasn't seen me naked before.
"Jeff, I think maybe they are right. We should stay..."
"Absolutely not," he hisses. Glaring at me. "I am not staying away from you Bible."
"You didn't let me finish," I say, reaching over and tracing a finger over his soft lips. I can recall how they felt against mine just last night. "We could just stay apart from each other for a few days and then we'll go back to being together and this time, we'll pretend. We will hide it better."
Jeff, who is so good at reading people, doesn't read the lie from my lips.
He doesn't read the heartbreak from my eyes.
Does love make you blind? Is this proof that he is indeed in love with me if he is willing to take my words at face value?
He leans in and places his forehead against mine.
"I'll find the fucker that exposed us and make them pay," his voice is silky smooth as he delivers the promise. "Next time we'll be more careful, okay?"
"Okay," I whisper just to placate him but...
There is no next time.
