SA PAG-UGNAY (Soul Ties 2)

Prolouge

PROLOUGE

LIA TAMARA

Which do you think is worse?

To be not in the choices at all?

'Yon bang kahit kailan, hindi ka dumaan sa isip niya. Binigkas at hinugis ng mga labi niya ang pangalan mo, pero hindi 'yon tumatak sa puso't isip niya.

Your existence doesn't matter to him, you were just there... existing.

Hindi napapansin, walang kahit anong pagtingin. Nasa sulok, nakatingin sa kaniya mula sa malayo.

Or to be the second option?

Na wala lang siyang ibang choice kung hindi piliin ka dahil ikaw 'yung nandyan: naghihintay. Alam niyang tanga ka, at umaasa. After whispering your million prayers in the wind as if someone will soon be able to hear it, with hope it will be granted, that he'll consider you belong in the choices to whom he'll run to when he gets sad, or broken, or hurting. And you will settle yourself with that.

Pero ikaw 'yung pinili kasi hindi niya nakuha 'yung una. Na kapag dumating sa punto na papapiliin mo siya, hindi ikaw 'yon.

Kasi second option ka lang.

Pinipili kapag wala ng ibang choice.

Kapag wala ng choice.

So which do you think is worse?

I looked up at the dark sky as the wind coldly blew in the night. Nasa balcony ako ng condo ko. Walang ulap, malinaw ang madilim na langit para sa mga bituin ngayon gabi.

Starry night. I wanted to see with my naked eyes the painting of Van Gogh: Starry Night happening in real life. It would be really amazing to witness such art have a live-action.

Napangisi ako sa sariling iniisip.

It's amazing that they are million miles away from each other but in our eyes, they could be connected. They could be aligned. Which made me come into a conclusion that it is possible that there are other universes aside from this.

And I had my other version of myself out there... which could be with him. Other version of me that is happy... with him. That I have another life that spent with him. And I will watch... here in this universe who couldn't.

Thinking that way is kind of comforting.

But these stars... are probably already dead...

So pointing at stars that are dead is useless. We cannot force the stars to be aligned because they are already dead.

And wishing that my other versions could end up with him... is like a greatest film of all time that was never made.

Yumuko na ako at naglakad papasok sa loob ng condo ko. I smiled bitterly when I turned off the lights and the citylights became blinding.

Hindi ko mauugnay sa akin ang bituing nakatali nang mahigpit sa iba... kahit kailan. Na kung sa pag-ugnay ng dalawang kapalaran ay kasawian... 'di bale nalang.

I hurt myself enough while loving him silently from afar, to attempt to settle myself for less... and to deal with another pain is too much.

Kaya mas mabuting huwag nang pag-ugnayin ang mga bituing hindi naman para sa isa't isa nung una palang.