SA PAG-UGNAY (Soul Ties 2)

Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

Nasa penthouse ako ni Cleo at kasalukuyan kaming nasa balcony habang nagpapahangin, tanaw ang malawak at maliwanag na city lights ng Metro.

Nagkataon na maluwang ang oras namin kaya naman nagpadesisyunan naming dalawa na uminom.

To have relaxing and chill time with each others company.

To be honest, to have this free time together is a luxury now.

Looking back, life is different now.

Hindi na gaya ng dati na halos kada tapos ng klase namin sa MLA ay d-diretso kami ng Central para magliwaliw kasama ang blockmates namin at iilan sa kabilang department.

Na ang problema lang namin pagkatapos ng gabi ng kasiyahan ay ang mga hindi pa nagagawang output at assignment.

Na may mga maliit na pagtatalo kapag may kagrupo kami na pabuhat kaya naman mang-aaya nalang ang isa sa amin bigla na mag-Symnial para magpahangin dahil sa inis at stress.

Na ang iniisip lang namin noon, paano makakapasa sa nakakadugong utak na midterms at finals. Lalo na yung mga pa-surprise quiz ng mga prof namin pagkatapos kaming puyatin sa binigay na homework.

Looking back at those things, I wish I was still a student. Kasi iyon pa lang ang iniisip ko noon.

Ngayon kasi, parang dahil matanda ka na, binibigay na sa maliit na balikat mo na 'yung totoong bigat ng mundo kahit walang permiso mo. Kahit hindi ka pa handa, kahit ayaw mo pa.

Nakalinya na agad sa'yo 'yong mga responsibilidad kasi matanda ka na... even though you're not ready enough to be an adult, the time had already decided that you are.

Our youth... it's over. All the fun and games... are over. There are things that you carry on that no one knows, things you can't tell, rants you can't even share to your friends, and pain that you can't even tell that's hurting you.

Growing up and turning into an adult, hurts. Sometimes, it feels lonely... kahit alam mong hindi ka mag-isa, it still feels lonely.

Lonely in the sense that all of you—your friends and the people you spent your youth with—started to run for the race that life suddenly announced and you had no choice but to join.

And just like that, everyone has their own lives, and you weren't part of it anymore. Because it's a matter of survival skills every day. You start to fight, and it becomes non-stop.

Na kailangan mong makasabay sa mabilis na agos ng buhay. Kailangan mong tibayan loob mo kahit araw-araw kang pinapatay ng mga salita nila.

My father's insult every single day kills my spirit, until he successfully killed me inside. Naubos na 'yung galit ko. Galit na nagsilbing motibasyon sa akin araw-araw buong buhay ko. Pati 'yon ay napatay niya. 

Pati galit ko ay napagod nang magalit.

Nawala na 'yung galit, kasi nawalan na ako ng pake. His validation that I seek since time immemorial? It's worthless now. Baka masiraan na talaga ako ng ulo kung 'yon nalang ang hahanapin ko habang-buhay. I need to find some useful motivation other than my father's validation.

Pero kahit nawala na 'yung galit, naiwan pa rin 'yung bahid ng sakit sa buong pagkatao ko.

Imagine the pressure we had to handle and overcome just to be where we are right now. The pressure just so we could embrace to be an adult.

Kaya sana, kung nasaan ka na ngayon... sana maappreciate mo 'yung sarili mo. It's yourself who put you there, it's you who endured all of those battles only you, knew.