CHAPTER 23
What are you most afraid of?
I remember being asked that question years ago, probably in high school. Ang naaalala kong sagot ko ay: takot akong bumagsak. Takot akong maging disappointment. Takot ako kay Papa.
But if I were asked the same question after a decade, I would answer differently. Hindi na ako takot bumagsak, o maging disappointment, hindi na rin ako takot kay Papa.
My biggest fear now is being left behind.
Takot akong maiwan. Takot akong iwanan. Wala na akong pake sa ibang tao at ibang bagay. I would learn to let them go so I could keep myself sane. I would teach myself not to try so hard to please them at the expense of my sanity.
Kung ayaw nila sa akin. Okay. Kapag gusto na nilang umalis sa buhay ko. Ayos.
Pero kapag si Taliya na, pakiramdam ko mamamatay ako.
Napamulat ako sa sampal ng kung sino. Hindi ko mawari kung malakas ba yon o hindi, pakiramdam ko ang kapal ng balat ko dahil wala akong maramdaman. Pero masyadong mabigat ang talukap ko.
"Kuya!" I heard Khiel's voice slowly trying to wake me up.
He sounds so worried. His voice is breaking, as if on the verge of crying.
Pumikit akong muli. Naramdaman ko ang pag angat ng katawan ko nang buhatin ako ng kung sino.
"Yannick!" sigaw sa akin ni Cleo, bakas ang labis na takot sa boses niya. "Tangina, gumising ka!"
Naramdaman ko ang paglapag niya sa akin sa malamot na kama.
"Shit! Did he overdose himself?" naiiyak na konklusyon ni Khiel.
Bahagya akong dumilat at nakita siyang nanginginig na tinawagan ang kung sino. Nakakalat sa sahig ang mga tabletas na gamot mula sa bote. Kinuha ni Cleo ang boteng may label at binasa yon.
But I closed my eyes again. Loving the feeling of numbness all over my system. I feel like I'm on the clouds and I'm free. I feel so intoxicated that it makes me happy for some strange reasons.
"Ate! Si Kuya!" rinig kong sigaw ni Khiel sa telepono. "I think—shit! I think he overdose himself!"
"It's for panic attack," rinig ko mahinang bulong ni Cleo.
"O-Ospital," Khiel murmured and ended the call with someone. "Kuya Cleo, dalhin natin sa ospital!"
"Khiel..." mahina kong tawag sa kaniya. "Calm down, dude."
Narinig ko ang nagmamadali nilang yapak sa direksyon ko. I opened my eyes and met theirs, which were full of concern.
"I swallowed four pills of that thing." I informed them.
Sabay silang napamura sa narinig. Biglang tumalon si Khiel sa kama at halos sakalin ako sa inis dahil sobrang pinag alala ko siya. Pero hindi ko maramdaman ang marahas niya pamimisikal sa akin ngayon.
I almost praised myself. I'm a little proud that I reached the point of numbness because of an overdose of pills. And I enjoy being numb for a while. It has its advantages.
Iniisip ko si Taliya pero wala akong maramdaman saglit.
"Akala ko nagpakamatay ka na! Kinabahan akong gago ka!" Khiel ranted while choking me.
"Ikaw papatay sa akin talaga." I chuckled and pushed his arms away.
"Huwag kang tumawa, hayop ka!" nanginginig pa rin ang boses ng bunso.
Ginulo ko ang buhok niya habang nakangiti.
"Gwapo mo. Mana ka sa'kin." I clicked my tongue and gave him a dagger look. "Duga naman, ba't parang mas pogi ka sa'kin?!"
BINABASA MO ANG
SA PAG-UGNAY (Soul Ties 2)
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