Today I got married to the love of my life my Xavier, he came like a savior in my life. My chain of thoughts broke when Xavier started taking steps toward me and trapped me in his arms.
"Wh..What are you doing". I said
"Whatever will happen today wi...
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The sunlight was peeking through the windows but I was unable to sleep the whole night, I was just looking at the woman who is lying in front of me unconscious since last night. I saw her pain, her anger her everything but yesterday I saw her broken for the first time and her eyes were the evidence. I am scared of what will she ask me and how will I answer everything. For me sometimes lying is the best option if it meant something good to someone but I am scared that this time my lie broke her maybe again will be the barrier between us. Sometimes we become so desperate to protect someone that we don't give a second thought about the consequences.
I came out of my thoughts when I saw Rose moving, she was waking up. I helped her to sit while she was just staring into space silently, her silence was scaring me but soon her silence turned into loud cries. She slowly looked at me with her teary eyes making my heart squeeze in pain.
"Wh..What is my fault Xa..Xavier?". She said while crying and I just embraced her in my arms. Her fists were clutching my shirt tightly damping with her tears. Her cries were just breaking my heart with every second.
"Nothing is your fault Rose" but mine I want to complete my sentence but stayed silent call me being selfish but I don't care because I don't want her to go away from me. I know it's all my fault that I have pitied myself so much and let that pity turn into something dangerous that I even lost my capability to think straight and hurt her who had no fault in this. Somewhere I know losing our baby is also my fault if I didn't react recklessly that day she won't run away from me and that bitch was not able to push her. I slowly looked down at her and found her sobbing silently looking into space still in my embrace. We both were sitting silently but soon she broke the silence.
"I saw him," she said making my eyebrows furrow in confusion but stayed silent to listen to her and she continued.
"I saw him, our son when I was unconscious on the same day when we lost her. He had brown hair just like me and those familiar orbs which I was unable to remember at that time but I know whom his eyes resembled, he had eyes just like yours. His little hands his cute pout wh..when I told him to co...come with me. I played with him in that beautiful garden, and his cute giggles when I was chasing him but his giggles turned into a pout, and he said you are was..waiting for me and left me alone and when I opened my eyes I was in the hospital but you know what he said before leaving that, that he loves you" she said and that was enough to let go all the pain from my eyes which I was holding from a long time. My whole body was feeling weak, my emotions were heaving in my heart which was locked inside it for a long time. At this time I just wanted to hold my baby wanted to apologize to him and that I couldn't save him couldn't buy him toys, couldn't give him piggyback. I wanted to tell him that I love him more than anything.
I immediately wiped my tears and looked at Rose who was still sobbing remembering his memories, I cupped her cheeks and wiped her tears, and said "Even if he's not with us but he will be always there in our hearts with all love and like I already said you he won't like seeing us unhappy we shouldn't upset him, right?" she was looking at me with her red glossy eyes and nodded with a small smile soon she slept again due to tiredness. I pecked her forehead and covered her with a duvet and left her there.
I immediately ran towards to my office, in front of her somehow I collected my last strings but now all the pain I buried inside me was coming from my eyes continuously. Sometimes the weight of our pain and agony becomes that much heavy not only on our hearts but on our whole presence that even the small prick on them is able to let them fall out from our eyes in the form of tears and that's what is happening with me. The walls I've built around myself in the form of strong and ruthless Xavier are slowly breaking down in front of me. I immediately opened the bottle of scotch and gulp it down. I sat on my chair still drinking soon I started feeling light-headed. I turned around when I saw Sam barging into my office.
"What the fuck you are doing Xavier, look at yourself what you have done to yourself," Sam said
"Maybe ruining myself a little more," I said with a chuckle while drinking but Sam immediately snatched the bottle from my hand and threw it in the corner breaking it into many pieces.
"Xavier what are you doing if you are going to behave like this then who will take care of Rose," he said.
"I c..can't take care of her or anyone when I cou..couldn't save my own child. Sam, I am feeling like the biggest loser and the worst father but still, you know what my child said in Rose's dream that he lo..loves me when I don't deserve his love or anyone. I am a cu...curse Sam I'll ruin everyone whoever I ever loved left me because I am a curse." I said while tears were flowing from my eyes but Sam suddenly came in front of me and hold me by the collar.
"You are not that Xavier whom I know, the Xavier I know is not pathetic he knows how to ruin someone who tries to mess with him but look at you being pathetic, weak, cursing your fate. Xavier, it's not a time to grieve but to show the real hell to those people who deserve the real punishment. Don't make your pain your weakness but use it as your biggest strength and show them who is Xavier Romano and what can he do" Sam said disappearing the alcohol's influence from my own body. He was right when I was grieving those bastards were living happily without any remorse but now I know what to do, I know how to make them beg me for death but death will be the last thing they will receive.
Now, let the game begins.
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Wishing you all a very happy and prosperous Diwali with good health. Hope this Diwali will bring you lots of happiness.❤️❤️
