Red Light

Lan Zhan

Lan Zhan quietly slipped into the room. Yanli, in her infinite caring, had turned a side table into a snack bar. It was stocked with healthier snacks and juice boxes for A'Yuan as well as an electric kettle for tea and coffee. He filled the kettle and turned it on.

It had been a tough day and a cup of jasmine tea would be perfect.

In minutes, a full steaming cup was in his hand as he sat watching A'Yuan and Wei Ying sleep. This morning had been too much for both of them. Lan Zhan leaned on his hand and hissed as he hit his skinned cheek.

His head was a mess if he was honest. So much had happened in just days. He hadn't questioned his need to be with Wei Ying and his son. Was actively planning time with just the three of them. Wanted to be part of their lives.

Then the dream. It had hurt. Like an aching wound. His thoughts strayed back to the vision of Wei Ying dead, limp, cold in his arms. Tears threatened hard enough the effort to control them made his throat ache.

He hardly knew this man and just the thought of losing him was enough to bring tears.

Lan Zhan placed the tea to the side and removed his shoes and socks. The available space would work if he avoided some of the larger moves.

Slowly, he began the long practiced rhythms of tai chi. It had been days since he had lost himself in the motions. Allowing his body to calm his mind.

In flashes, he saw parts of his life. How alone he was as a child. Too quiet and withdrawn to be of interest to the other children. Left to his own devices too often by teachers who recognized his intelligence but saw him as silent and aloof instead of the uncertainty he actually felt. So unsure of himself.

High school had been hell. He had said nothing to his uncle or brother about the exclusion. The mean comments whispered as he passed as if he couldn't hear every word. The endless lunches eaten alone. The silence he couldn't seem to break.

College was better. It quickly became apparent, Lan Zhan was highly intelligent. He absorbed subject matter far easier than most. Soon, struggling students came to ask him for help. In no time, he found himself leading study groups. He discovered as long as he was talking about school work, speaking wasn't as hard as it had been.

When he had announced his career decision, his brother had been thrilled.

He had coughed slightly to get his brother's attention. "Ge-ge, I am going into law en-"

Lan Xichen was so excited, he cut his brother off.

"You will make an excellent lawyer, Di-di! I'm so happy for you!"

"Brother? I am not going to be a lawyer. I will be an officer of the law. Law enforcement. " Lan Zhan had been quite steady in appearance as his heart sank. Afraid his brother wouldn't support him.

"Oh!" his brother had said. Pausing for a moment.

Lan Zhan knew this was the correct choice for him. He would be a good police officer and would dedicate himself to his job. But it hurt that his brother didn't seem to support his choice.

As he shifted to turn away, shoulders beginning to slump, Lan Xichen's voice stopped him.

"Are you sure, Di-di? Being a police officer is dangerous."

"Mn." His typical affirmative hum. He didn't trust himself to speak.

"Then the police are lucky to have you, little brother." Lan Xichen had said with a smile.
"Is there a particular area you wish to be involved in?"

What followed was a two hour discussion as Lan Zhan carefully outlined why he thought he would make a good police officer and how he would become a detective. Solving crimes and putting offenders in jail.