Thank you so much @charlie91706 for this request, I hope it's written the way you imagined:) Trigger warnings for this chapter⚠️Mentions of abuse
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Scenes from Chicago P.D season 8 episode 11 by Dick Wolf are used throughout this one shot. A chunk of the writing is my own and a chunk of it is quoted from the episode so full credit goes to him for those parts:)
Jay had just told Hailey he loved her. "I love you." Was exactly what he said to her as they laid in bed together cuddling and discussing their plans for the day. These words triggered something inside Hailey and made her feel like she had to get away. She got up and excused herself without saying anything back then went to the bathroom, taking a deep breath in and out while gripping the bathroom counter. She turned the tap on and splashed her face with water to try calm herself down then went and got herself ready for the day.
Hailey walked out of her bathroom and went over to Jay who was making himself a coffee, she told him she was going to go and take her car into the garage so she can get it fixed before they get busy later on in the day, jay was confused by this as they had already planned the day they were gonna spend together, he could tell what he said earlier had made Hailey feel a certain way but before he could bring it up and speak to her about it she ended up talking then leaving the apartment. "One day off you know. I just feel like I should get it done but um everything's fine um I'm sorry but I uh-um, stay here I'll be right back and uh yeah just hang out here and I'll be back in a little bit." Hailey rambled to Jay while grabbing her keys and her jacket then heading out her apartment door.
Hailey was currently in the car driving, she began to go through different stations on her police radio listening to the different calls that had been coming through and the different situations that were currently needing answered or helped. Hailey heard a call come through on her radio about a missing person, she responded straight away and headed to the scene.
The whole day that the team were working on the case, Hailey and Jay didn't bring up what happened in the morning trying to ignore the conversation but there was still some tension between the two of them. After a while of working on the case the team were able to identify that the father was abusive to the mother and young daughter. This made Haileys heart ache and it hit very close to home for her so she was more determined than ever to find the missing girl. Due to her having a more emotional attachment to this case she had some ideas to find the girl and was willing to follow through with them even though they involved her crossing certain lines but she didn't care about that at the moment, all she cared about was finding the little girl and making sure she was safe. Before Hailey could do anything, Jay caught up with her while she was heading to her car and he asked her what was going on, she didn't say much and was trying to put on a front that she's fine and just wants to find the little girl. Jay could see right through her and says to her "you're spinning out, you gonna tell me you're not? You're gonna tell me it's fine? That you're all good, then shut me out , go jeopardise your job some more? I don't know if it's Ray or Becca, or if this all reminds you of your past but somethings wrong and I just want you to talk to me and tell me how you're feeling so I can help you." He was desperate for Hailey to communicate with him and tell him what was going on, he didn't want her to do something she would regret. "So you can help? What do you wanna know Jay? Why I'm crossing lines? Why I'm fine with it? Why I shut you out? Why I shut down this morning?" Hailey said firing all these questions at Jay at once. "No. That's not it at all. But this is what you do." Jay knew this was about so much more than Hailey was willing to let on. "Okay. So then why don't you ask the real question. What's wrong with me, exactly how screwed up am I, and at what point do you cut your losses and run? Because that's what you wanna know Jay." After Hailey said this Jay just stood in silence for a moment, then Hailey continued "Because I can't answer that." Was the last thing she said before walking away from Jay and going to her car, as soon as Hailey got into her car she hit the steering wheel in frustration and tears built up in her eyes, she felt such a big mix of emotions, she was having flashbacks to her past, she felt like she'd ruined things with Jay and everything was just too much. What Jay said to her did have some effect and made her rethink the decisions she was about to make so she ended up coming back inside the district and not doing anything that she'd planned.
Eventually the team found the little girl and the case got wrapped up. Voight and Hailey ended up talking about the case and Hailey let him know that if it wasn't for Jay she would of crossed many lines to try find the little girl. Deep down Hailey knew Jay was just trying to help her and be there for her and she was very grateful for that.
Hailey headed home still feeling all these different emotions inside her. She was thinking about Jay and also her childhood. She made her way up to her apartment and as she stepped out of the lift and headed towards her front door. She seen Jay standing outside of her door. "You came." She said looking at him. "You asked me to." He said a small smile forming on his lips. She opened the door and let him inside and they stood, beginning to talk about everything that was going on, Hailey had started to open up to Jay about her past and be honest with him. "I don't think I ever really learnt how to do it properly. Relationships. Intimacy. Telling people how I feel. You couldn't do that in my house. When I was a kid being told "I love you" was always after "i'm sorry" they were the same thing. "Sorry I hurt you, won't happen again, I love you." Hailey said leaning against the counter with her arms crossed, recalling all the times she remembered her dad saying to her sorry, I love you after he'd just hit her or punched her. Jay was standing, looking at her and listening to every single word that was coming out of her mouth. "And you know, I'd believe it every time and they did love me but then a day later, week later..." Hailey paused for a moment and looked up as her eyes began to fill with tears, Images of younger her playing in her head, as she remembered the abuse and the screams. "Maybe there's some part of me that every time I hear i love you I'm just waiting for the punch. For the I'm sorry that's gonna come." She stopped leaning on the counter and stood up straight, looking at Jay and taking a breath before beginning to speak again. "I don't know how to do this but I- but I want to. I want to so badly. I wanna be with you. I wanna learn to do this, I wan- I want to be better." Hailey said her voice laced with a hint of desperation and so much honesty and emotion, it began to break slightly. Jay began to walk over to her slowly. "Then we'll figure it out. Cause I wanna be with you too and I'm not going anywhere Hailey, really I'm not." He said in a calm tone, reassuring her, he smiled at her and she sniffled due to crying before she spoke. "Jay, I do, I love you. So much." She said looking into his eyes, her voice full of nothing but truth. Jay leaned forward towards her and wrapped his arms around her into a hug. She rested the side of her face on his shoulder as her arms wrapped around his back. She closed her eyes taking in his touch and comfort, feeling significantly better than she was before since she knew that they were okay and that a weight had been lifted since she opened up to him and he didn't judge her or anything, he was nothing but calm and kind.
Just a note to let people know I'm now back at college after my October break last week and I have a handful of assessments and performances coming up so from now until my Christmas break begins requests will be done a little slower, I'm going to get through them all but i just won't be able to write and upload them as quickly as I have been doing recently. I appreciate all the love and support I've been getting on this book and patience with requests would be greatly appreciated❤️
