Daylight - Taylor Swift

Chapter 91

Y'all the wedding I was at... hehe wow that was special 🤠 (the groom looked like that emoji too)

Sorry the chapter is a little late, I almost had it done and then Lou updated and I got distracted bc #taiaforever

October 9th, 2020

Jo sat on the edge of the bed, holding the letter in her hands as her eyes began to skim it quickly, forcing her to restart her reading to properly understand it all.

Dear Josephine,

I fucked up so badly.

How the fuck did I do that? Did I lose my head somewhere between dancing and sitting at the table? I must have, because I think I made the biggest mistake of my life this morning. It's like I threw away four years of work and love and trust because I was trying to punish myself and hurt you in the process.

I don't think I have ever told you this but after I had the miscarriage with Adam, I cheated on him. Maybe I've alluded to it before, I don't know if you figured it out. I know I told you about how that relationship ended up but I slept with Tom a few days before The Met Gala and it started with a text like the one you got this morning.

I was looking for a reason to run because I kept looking at the ring on my finger feeling like I don't deserve to be happy. I know you are so fucking sick of hearing this but I'm terrified of ruining things between us. I guess I got what I wanted, to scare you off. I'm sorry that I hurt you to this extent, you shouldn't have to deal with the backlashes of my paranoia and I'm sorry.

I don't iron clothes without burning them, and I can cook but I like to order takeout instead most of the time and I'm never cleaning the cat litter again because that's what the machine is for and I'm not going to stay home to tend to kids or have dinner on the table when you come home every night. I'm not made to be the perfect wife or whatever I'm supposed to be.

I'm going to fuck up over and over again and be on tour for months on end and you'll be busy with your music and what if I drag you down? I'm not making a lot of sense. I've been thinking about this for days now and I still can't make it make sense.

I don't make sense.

I'm not going to be a good wife.

I will hurt you over and over again.

I don't think I deserve the kind of love you give me. I can't give you all that you want.

How am I supposed to be your wife if I'm not enough?

I need to go to therapy, don't I? You've been saying this for years.

I'm too stubborn. I'm a stubborn idiot.

Jo turned the letter to the third page, written in big letters was 'I'm SO sorry' with a bunch of strangely scribbled hearts. Taylor's handwriting was hard to decipher on occasion but her scribbled drawings were always something else.

Jo closed the letter and took a moment to process it all. She folded it back up and into the envelope it went, being set on the bed beside her for a few minutes as she considered everything Taylor had said.

Jo decided to write her own letter. It was short and simple and she slipped it under the door to their bedroom, where Taylor's footsteps could be heard quickly approaching it. In all fairness, she had been staring at the door waiting for a knock, not a letter.

Dear Taylor,

Stop self deprecating please. If I wanted a 1950's housewife I would've went and found one by now. I'm obviously here because I want you how you are. I'm very aware now you act. We've lived together for years.