Autumn Showers

60- The one where my heartbreaks for someone else

My chest aches wildly when I look at the vacant look behind Scarlett's eyes, it had been almost two weeks since she miscarried. And I longed to see the sparkle behind her large green eyes. It was always something I envied about her, that no matter what hardship she was facing, she would always try her best to be upbeat and positive.

I gently pass her over a tub of ice-cream which she barely notices, she glances at it blandly before a false smile appears on her lips. 

'Hey Scar.' I greet softly.

'Hi.'

'Do you want to do anything today?'

She shakes her head, 'N-No, not really.'

'That's fine, I was kind of in the mood for just chilling anyway.'

My eyes scan the room, they widen slightly when I notice a bouquet of pink flowers sat on her window ledge.

'They're pretty, who are they from?'

'Sammy, he came to visit me last night.'

'He has good taste.'

'Yeah.'

I sit down next to her as I wrap her fluffy pink blanket around her tiny frame, 'Have you spoke too Rocky recently?'

She shrugs, 'A little.'

'Shall we watch Tangled; I know it's your favourite?'

The pink-haired girl nods slowly, 'Sure.'

The second the movie starts playing a small sob escapes from her lips, I wrap my arms around her shoulders tightly as I soothingly try to rock her from side to side. The way that she always comforted me.

'It's okay, I'm here.' I whisper into her hair.

She shakes her head frantically as her sobs become harder, 'I-It isn't okay.'

'I know, I can't imagine the pain you are feeling right now.'

'W-Why did this happen to me?'

Tears burn my own eyes, 'I-I don't know, sometimes life can be incredibly cruel.'

'S-Sometimes I feel a little silly that I could be so upset over something I never head.'

My heart breaks harshly at the pain seeping through her voice, I clutch onto her tighter.

'I-Isn't silly at all, it just proves how much love you have in your heart.'

Her glossy eyes snap up to look at me, 'I-I just don't get it, half of my life I feel like I've been so punished. W-Which is such a selfish way to look at life because I-I should be grateful! I-I still have a family and a roof over my head. B-But...D-Did I ever tell you about how my mom died?'

'N-No.'

A shaky breath escapes her lips, 'S-She killed herself.'

The pieces of my heart that where already broken for her, break even more. I didn't realise it was possible to feel this much pain for someone else. 

'I-I'm so sorry.'

Scarlett closes her eyes as her trembling hand grabs mine, 'S-She...couldn't look after herself when I was born and I-I always kind of felt like I was to blame. I-I mean you can't get postpartum depression, if you never got pregnant.'

I shake my head, 'Scar, none of this was your fault. M-Mental illness can affect anyone, y-you were probably one of the only reasons she kept fighting.'

'O-Or I was the reason she didn't want to be here anymore.'

'I'm sure that's not true at all.'

She shrugs, 'I-I know my dad is pretty great now, b-but when I was younger, he used to hate looking at me. H-He never said anything, but I could tell... I-I could tell that he thought that I-I was the reason she did what she did.'