𝘀𝗼𝗿𝗿𝘆 | 𝘆𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗯𝗶𝗻

4 | pain

(04:15pm)
4th december

they laughed and giggled together about random stuff like two teenagers in love...well they really were two teenagers in love.

yeonjun smiled to himself and glanced down at their connected hands, they were like two jigsaw puzzles meant to be together. their fingers perfectly linked. yeonjun loved the warmth of soobin's hands and so did soobin.

their thoughts of eachother were interrupted when a small droplet of water trickled down yeonjun's nose. yeonjun glanced up at the dark sky, illuminated by the hanging moon.

more rain fell down on them. after only a few seconds they were being ambushed by the water. yeonjun quickly unzipped his bag to grab the umbrella in his backpack. he quickly opened the umbrella after closing the zip again.

yeonjun held the umbrella above both of their slightly damp heads. soobin just smiled at yeonjun. soobin then reached for the older's hand placed on the umbrella because somewhere along the process of getting the umbrella out they separated hands. so soobin gently placed his hands on yeonjun's as they held the umbrella up high together.

they kept on strolling down the park, soobin enjoyed the rain, it was like the shower. he could cry in the shower, no one would know, because it was like he wasn't crying alone. the water was like more tears to accompany the ones that he were releasing. he enjoyed the company. he loved the sound of rain, like tiny fairies dancing on the surfaces they made contact with. he felt safe in the rain.

that's why he would think of yeonjun in the rain, because he felt safe with yeonjun. he wouldn't just think of yeonjun when it was raining, he also thought of him when he was sleeping, when he was in school, practically every second of the day he was thinking of yeonjun.

he thought of his smile, his laugh, how he comforted soobin with such care. he loved yeonjun so much, he had become mentally attached to the latter. he didn't ever want to leave him, but he had to. he couldn't take it anymore. especially since he got 86% on his maths test today, he had been too afraid to tell his 'parents'. last time he came home with a score lower than ninety... he could barely walk from the pain the next day.

his drug addicted and alcoholic 'parents' had abused him, first his mother slapped him harshly across the face. he began to cry while begging for forgiveness. he tried his best on the test, he really did. but they wanted him to do better.

"you're a disgrace to the family!" his mother shouted while gulping down another bottle of beer.

"you're too busy being gay that you can't even think straight!" his father shouted. soobin was on his knees crying with the test crumbled in his hands. he couldn't look them in the eye, the only thing he could do was stare at the ground like it was the most interesting thing in the world. whenever he looked in the eyes of his 'parents' his skin crawled with fear, he had become afraid to face them.

a punch, and another, and another. he was hit until he was lying on his side. his father was brutally kicking his stomach. soobin felt like his insides were being broken, yet all he could do was stay still and endure the pain. because moving won't make the pain go away, if anything it could make it worse. so all he could do was lay there, pathetically. he just let his father abuse him all while still staring at the 'interesting' floor.

it was almost like he was immune to the pain, he had learnt to get used to it. he studied hard to not suffer the consequences of getting less than 90%. why did he bother? whenever he did get above 90 all his parents did was give him a nodd. was it a nodd of love? no. was it a nod of respect? not even close. soobin narrowed it down to a nod of disappointment. ever since he came out gay to his 'parents', that's all soobin was to them...a disappointment.

published-09 january 2023