𝘀𝗼𝗿𝗿𝘆 | 𝘆𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗯𝗶𝗻

8 | love letter

(05:30pm)
4th december

soobin dragged his tired body, up the stairs. his parents got bored with hurting him so they yelled at him for still being down stairs. so he made his way upstairs, wiping the tears staining his face with his clothes.

it's time. he mentally stated.

he opened the door to his bedroom and made his way to his small wooden desk. he brought his hand to the circular drawer knob. a tear trickled down his cheek as he retrieved a blank piece of paper and then a black fountain pen from the cup of stationery on his desk.

he poured his heart out, into this one letter. it was the last letter he would ever write before ending his own life. it was his apology letter.

but it was also his love letter to yeonjun.

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          Dear Yeonjun,
                   I am so sorry that it had to end this way. I just wanted to say thank you for everything you have done for me, you stuck by me, you did everything in your power to make me happy. Even though you knew about the shit I go through at home. You make me want to live Yeonjun, you really do.

When I see you, my heart feels like it could explode with joy, I love your smile, your laugh, your face, your heart, I love everything about you. I love you Yeonjun. But I know that you don't love me back, you've only stuck around for so long because you pity me, so that's why I plan on ending our suffering. You don't have to worry and care about me anymore, you can let me go.

I just can't take it any longer, I can't live like this. I've been holding my breath my whole life, I need to exhale.

I need an ending, I need to breathe.

Goodbye Yeonjun, I hope to meet you in another life, maybe a more fortunate one.

Love from, your Soobin.

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after finishing his letter, he wiped his face. he didn't realise how much he was crying until he saw a tear drop, stain the small sheet of paper. he just stared at the note, this is really happening.

he smiled lightly at the thought of finally being set free, he can't wait to have the chance to fly. it will be like his wings are cut loose, and he can finally let his feathers spread widely and soar.

because right now his wings are chained down, he is paralysed with fear, anxiety, depression. he can't move, his mind won't let him. but once the chains are lifted he can be happy.

the only person who might have been able to set him free was yeonjun, he's the only person in this world who can make soobin feel warm. but whenever he's not around he immediately feels cold and unwanted. if only he could have yeonjun 24/7 he might have thought of still living. but he can't have yeonjun, yeonjun would never love someone like soobin. why would he?

as his parents would say, soobin is 'disgusting' 'a disappointment' and 'not normal'. that's how he assumed yeonjun would never love him, ever.

published-27 january 2023