🖤💙𝕊𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕞𝕖 𝕗𝕣𝕠𝕞 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕧𝕠𝕚𝕔𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕞𝕪 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕕💙🖤

The Fight Never Ends

POV AIZAWA

"Is everyone okay? Should I go to the base? I'm so sorry for leaving, Eraser, it's just Eri was there and I couldn't let her—"

"Calm down, Hawks," I say as calmly as I can. "My kids are always my top priority, always. You did the right thing."

"And Dabi? Tomura? Himiko? Everyone is okay?"

I don't want to tell him, not now. Even I still can't wrap my head around it all. I take a deep breath and press my back against the cold brick wall. This back alley blocks the view of the crescent moon, and so I'm left imagining what it looks like on a night like this. Foggy, stretched clouds looming overhead. The scent of oncoming rain sticking to every damp inch of cement. The faint sound of arguing and fighting, even hours past midnight.

Maybe the moon isn't there at all. Maybe it detached itself, embarrassed by our behavior. After all, what kind of beings neglect, abuse, and murder their own young? Toga might not have been my student, but I cared for her like she was my family. The simple fact is: she deserved better.

And I hate myself for not being strong enough to protect her.

"Eraser? You there?" Hawks asks.

"Yeah, sorry, zoned out," I mutter back to him, tightening my grip on my phone in an attempt to keep myself in the moment. "Dabi and Tomura took a lot of damage, Tomura much worse, but they're both knocked out with anesthesia. Don't know where Compress got it, but it works so whatever. Kurogiri said they should be back to normal in a little less than a month. Well, shorter than that if I can get Recovery Girl to stop by."

Hawks pauses. He has always had a keen eye, picking up on the smallest details. I can imagine his feathers puffing up, his eyebrows furrowing as he analyses my words. "And... Himiko?"

The words are caught in my throat. I can't say it. Physically, I can't. Nothing hurts more than failing to protect a kid.

Thankfully, Hawks understands. He doesn't ask me to say it out loud. Instead, we just sit in silence for a few moments. Imagining Toga's laughter. Her smile that seemed to swallow all the darkness in the room and replace it with light. Of course, sometimes the light was too bright and it burned our eyes, but it was always better than living in the dark.

It was always better than continuing on, knowing she'd never come home.

"You should come down to the base," I finally say. "Dabi will need you, when he's conscious again."

Hawks hums absentmindedly. "Eraser?" he asks, his voice squeaky and small like a child's.

"Yes?"

"I... I'm really tired of this. Of people dying all the time. I know that it's just life of whatever, but I... if this is all life is, I don't think..."

"There's more to life than death." I repeat the words like they're scripture, the words Hizashi said to me after we lost Oboro. "These people that we love, the ones that aren't around anymore, they lived more than their own death. So we should live more than death, too. Do you understand?"

"Yeah," Hawks answers. "God... I'm so cried-out right now. This doesn't even feel like my real life anymore. I can't—"

I hear Eri's voice in the background, asking Hawks to take her home so she can go to sleep. Before Hawks can talk again, I cut him off. "You can drop her off at the student dorms," I say. "Hitoshi is there. He knows how to take care of her."

"You sure?" Hawks says. "The kids are probably all asleep."

"Hitoshi will be alright. I doubt he's asleep. And anyways, they need each other right now. Drop her off there, tell Hitoshi to call me in the morning, and then fly down here to the LOV base. Okay?"