Loving Him is Grey (50 shades fanfic-PG-13)

Chapter 15

rab onto Josh's arm, stopping him in the middle of the sidewalk. People brush past us as I look at my friend. I don't know what he meant by "loving him is grey". Could he be referring to Christian? But I don't get why he would say that, or rather paint that. Something doesn't quite add up.

"Explain to me what that means."

Josh rakes his hand through his hair. "Listen Ana, I'm only saying this because I care about you and I want you to be happy. Your relationship with Christian is unhealthy. He's too many different shades and usually it's the shade of grey."

What does that even mean? "Are you telling me Christian's mood ring would read grey? I'm not following you."

"No. I mean that shades of grey refers to a state of being. In Christian's case, he suffers from what seems to be a bipolar personality. He's a bomb easily ready to tick. I don't want to see you get hurt. Men like Christian aren't looking for something meaningful; they're just looking for fun."

My mind registers what he's saying. He's jealous of my relationship with Christian even though I have made it clear that I have zero feelings for him. He's trying to throw me for a loop. Christian isn't bipolar. Sure he gets easily angered and he's busy, but underneath that he's a caring man that would never hurt me. I know I have only known him for a few weeks, but I know enough of him to trust him. He's the only man who has ever made me feel like he makes me feel. When I'm with him, I feel whole and complete. I have never felt that with anyone before, not even my best friends. There's something about him that I can't seem to stay away from. Maybe it's the mystery that comes with him. He is a ticking bomb but not in the way that Josh sees. Christian is the man I'm falling in love with. I've never been in love before but I assume that this is what it feels like. I can't stop thinking about him or wondering what he's up to. I want to someday wake up beside him, cook him breakfast and travel the world together. I can see us raising a family. Josh needs to understand that this isn't just some fling; for me this real. Christian is unreadable; I think he feels the same for me too no matter how silent he is when it comes to expressing his feelings. I want to believe that he feels how I feel; that we have a chance of a future together.

"You don't know Christian how I know him. You have no right to tell me about my relationship or how I should feel. My feelings for Christian are more than lust; they're true and if you can't accept that then maybe you're not really my friend." I cross my arms against my chest, staring at him.

He raises his hands in surrender. "Woah, chill Anastasia. I didn't mean to offend you. Just know that Christian isn't just a regular guy. He's a billionaire with connections all over. He's never been in photos with women; why do you think that is?"

"A man is allowed some privacy. Who's to say that he hasn't been in relationships? Have you ever considered that maybe he wanted to keep his private life private? You know what, you're not even worth explaining this to. Good luck with your art. I meant it when I said I was proud of you and I still mean it." I turn on my heel and ignore his pleads for me to listen to him. Some things are better left untouched. His explanation could no way settle the fire he started with his painting. The time has gone and passed. Our friendship perhaps wasn't real. Who knows. How can we ever know what's real and what's not.

With tears streaming down my face, I enter the independent bookstore. It was my favorite place to hang out at on weekends during school. They held poetry slams every Friday night. Even though I never read one aloud, I was entertained by the people who did. Hearing people express themselves through writing is so beautiful. I want to touch people by my words one day. I think that's the best way to express yourself. Some people do it through art, music, or dance, but writing has always been my outlet. It was something that helped me get through some tough times in my life like when my mom moved to Georgia and go remarried. There are some things better left unsaid and rather be written down than discussed.