A Starting Point

CHAPTER TWO- MEMORIES

Heloyse

It was almost three-thirty in the afternoon and I was running. Running away! The rain fell painfully icy on me and I started to get out of breath.

"Breathe! Breathe!"

Feeling the icy rain falling on my skin was the only thing that proved I was still alive. I rested my hands on my knees and tried to control my breathing.

Saying goodbye was the hardest time for me. But, now he was stabilized, he was going to have a family and I was bitterly hurt. However, the memories were there and not thinking about it was inevitable.

Michael has always been a person of extreme sympathy. Beautiful as well. He was tall, with an impeccable goatee, well-lined lips, well-straight, dark hair. Maybe it was plain good looks, yet mixed with his good humor it made him the perfect man I'd always imagined.

We spent the best moments together. We had plans and we had each other. We complemented each other and everyone knew it. Everyone said so.

My parents had a Buffet that was expanding and then, with my brother's death, I didn't want to stay at their house anymore. I wanted to get away from that heavy environment.

Marcus was missed. His death was one of the "goodbyes" I said. My mom always cried when she talked about him. She started to stick to me, more than before.

Marcus died at the age of thirty-three in a motorcycle accident. He was drunk. My father was the first to ask me to go out for a while. He said I needed new experiences.

Again, I said goodbye.

So, I left California and came to Boston to spend some time at my mother's uncle's house. My father had given me a considerable sum. I left my great uncles' house and bought a comfortable house. It wasn't new, yet it was mine and I renovated it my way. It was even a good deal, considering the fact that the neighborhood is close to the center, however, very quiet.

I started working at a perfumery in the mall and with the rest of the money left over from the house, I bought a used car.
After three years, I became a manager. As time went on, the store closed and I was fired. So I opened a coffee shop in my house.

How many times have I kept my eyes open, watching as my mother made cakes and pastries to order. I was fascinated by every creation she made. I missed that time.

The kids left school and always stopped by to eat the cupcakes I made. There were cakes, pies, coffees, cappuccinos, teas and many other things. It was a dream come true.

How did I meet Michael? Well, that was when I started working at the mall. About four months after starting work.

One day, while I was closing the register, one of the saleswomen had gone out to lunch and left her wallet on the counter. I checked that everything was ok and left for lunch. I took the wallet to deliver to my co-worker. After I found her and handed her my wallet, I was heading towards the restaurant where I used to have lunch, when someone bumped into me and spilled coffee on my uniform. I was startled and at the same time grateful for the fact that the coffee wasn't fully hot.

Michael handed me napkins, trying to reduce the damage to my dress. Time later, even frustrated with what happened, I couldn't stop smiling when he started flirting with me. He gave me the address where he worked and asked me to bring the laundry bill.

That day was strange. So much so that I thought about him all night.

Three days later, I went to where he worked and got the bill. Obviously I could afford it, however I had terrible anxiety. I needed to see him.

When Michael saw me, he smiled so broadly that I could hardly resist the urge to smile back. On the same day, we had lunch together. It was interesting to hear about his life. He worked as a realtor, was an only child and had no living parents. He told how bad it was not having a family, because his relatives lived far away and rarely had contact. His father died of a stroke and a year later his mother had an aneurysm. He knew what it was like to say goodbye.

And every day we had lunch together. We were already used to each other. We saw each other often. We hung out together and were together in every way. I gave myself to Michael. I surrendered my body and with it, my heart.

After a year of dating, I received the worst news of my life: My parents had died in a plane crash. So I said goodbye twice more.
I think part of me died with them. I locked myself in such a way that nothing else mattered. Michael was the only one who could really put up with my emotional state. Not even friends could have done what he did. He was important during that dark phase I went through.

And that very day, as I cried in his arms, I wanted him to be my family. My brother and then my parents. All dead!
My uncles moved to Oklahoma and went to live with their children. In a way, I was alone in the world, but Michael wouldn't let me feel that way. It helped me get over it. Well, at least pretending to have gotten over it. He was the one who gave me the greatest incentive to do what I liked the most.

And so, nine years passed.

I already had two coffee shops in the neighborhood. One under my house and another near the school. Everything accomplished, except for the fact that we fell into the comfort zone. Maybe I had my share of blame.

I saw my mom and dad grieving when they lost Marcus. I suffered when I lost them all. I didn't want to lose anyone else. I wanted to stick with what I already had. Michael alone was enough for me. I didn't want to cling to children knowing that one day, I might lose them. Who would give me the guarantee that this would not happen?

Now he didn't have it anymore. There was no one left.

All these memories swirled in my head.
I needed to forget about it.

I left walking in the rain, through the deserted streets until I got home. Bad time that I decided to go without my car. I walked into the house, soaking wet.

I was alone in the world, like a speck of dust in space. I sat on the floor, leaning against the living room door, put my face on my legs and cried.