Heloyse
A lady had given me a ride and when she asked me where I was going, I just said "wherever you go". She looked at me with a nice smile on her face and looked back at the road.
"OK! I just won't be able to take you to your escape. My destination is an hour and a half from here."
"No problem!"
"Don't you want to know where we're going?"
"Not! I think it's better not! Wherever this path takes me is fine."
I had never left Boston after I started living there. And at twenty-six, I realized that I just used my life to work. There were few times when I went out to have fun. I just worked or lived with Michael. Now, I realize that life was going on and I hadn't enjoyed anything.
An hour and a half later, the lady, whose name I didn't even bother to ask, left me on a road and left, waving and wishing me a good trip. I returned the wave and started walking.
The long road was lit by the midday sun. I had already walked before the lady gave me a ride and now, I noticed that my legs felt tired. I wasn't used to taking long walks.
Along the side of the road, I walked without caring about the weather or the signs. My arms were sore from the suitcase, so I sat down on a bench at the bus stop and decided to get some rest. Minutes later, I went to a roadside restaurant and had my meal. After the meal, I walked some more.I spotted an empty playground. I approached a bench and sat down. I watched a lone bird crawl across the sky. Such a small bird in a big world. I felt like this.
I stayed there for hours and hours, watching the people, the children... Complete strangers with their ordinary, strange, troubled or overly good lives.
I took a picture of my parents when they were still young, from inside my backpack. My brother was smiling and I was hiding behind my mother. I remembered Marcus defending me on the street, at school. I missed my father's hugs, my mother's advice, Michael's kisses. I was alone. I wasn't prepared to lose any of them.
It had been a long time since they'd been gone, but it still hurt like it was fresh. Maybe if Michael hadn't been with me when I lost my family, I would have run away a long time ago.
While many ran away from home because they couldn't tolerate their parents, I would have run away because I didn't have them anymore. I would have crossed an ocean to get away from the pain I felt.
I kept looking at my photos with Michael on my cell phone and decided to delete them one by one. And with each photo I deleted, a sob escaped my mouth. And the last one, I watched for quite some time. It was the picture of him sleeping. That day had been our first time.
I deleted it too.
The afternoon was already falling and I returned to the road. I walked and walked, until I reached the darkness. On the road, tears fell. I didn't know what I was looking for, I didn't know what I was going to find ahead. Maybe I didn't find anything, however, inside me, I wanted to find a motivation, something to distract myself, somewhere that would do me good.
I thought about sitting down at the next spot. The first bus that passed I would get on.Tears welled up in my eyes. I thought I had cried all of them, but I was wrong. All that pain started coming out of me in big waves and suddenly, I was standing on the side of the road, sobbing and trying to stop them from falling. I was tired of crying so much. I had reached the limit.
I cried "liters", for several months.
If I could count all the tears I've shed, it would never come to fruition. Could an ocean compete with them?
YOU ARE READING
A Starting Point
RomanceAfter the death of her family, Heloyse became attached to those who were by her side during this difficult time. Suddenly, she found herself abandoned, without direction or motivation to move forward. Until at a certain point in her life, she decide...