I am?

A

A for Adverse

I don't think I can ever be normal.

I want to be like everyone else. I want to understand things anyone could understand. I want to enjoy things like everybody else. I want to think and feel like everyone else.

Why am I not capable of that? What's wrong with me?

I must have done something wrong for me to grow up this way. What was I suppose to do if I wanted to grow up like everyone else? Did I had to participate in activities as a kid? Did I have to learn certain lessons?

Or is it that that's just how things are for me?

I don't think my opinions are even my own. Are these characteristics really how I am? Didn't they originate from some random people that I took as my own?

I don't remember. I don't remember anything.

I want to snap back to reality. It's all just a mundane day to me. I don't feel at here. I haven't felt that I'm really there in years. I think a huge shock will bring me back.

If a car was swerves towards me and I go off lane, maybe my life would flash before my eyes. I would suddenly remember everything—all the key moments that were lost.

If I'm being held at gun-point. Perhaps I'll suddenly realize the value of things in my life.

If I was bleeding out to death, maybe it'll show me that I'm actually alive and wasn't an empty shell.

Anything to snap me out of this haze.