I am?

U

U for Useless

I'm starting to get it now. No one actually cares. No one actually even bother. Even if I'm in the right, I'm the one that's wrong.

Do I even have good friends? Not so much. I never can communicate anyway. I'm not even close to my family. I'm the black sheep basically plus an outcast in society. Now that I think about it, what do I really know about people?

Anyway, I realize that my whole character is a coward. Too afraid to do anything. So worthless, I can't even do things that I want do to. I can't do things that I should have done. I can't say things I want to say.

One question keeps coming to my mind: why am I like this?

I have no one to tell anything to. They'll see me as trash in the end. Who would even want to listen? Everything I want to say or do is put into texts. But those are just letters on a screen. 

Perhaps I should be true to myself and just open up. That leads to issues. People pitying me. and I hate being pitied. I'm already that low, no need to make me feel even more worthless.

There are times that my mind keeps telling me to just do something. But then I wouldn't move and stay frozen. Cowardly I know.

No one asks me what's wrong. No one asks me what's happening. I want to say stuff but I keep my mouth shut.

And so, I keep on going since I'm just a coward.

But is it really worth it?

I'm thinking without my phone I would have been out already. Shattered apart. If one day they take my phone, I don't know what I will do. I guess I need something to break my limit and I'll be off.

Anyway typing these out makes me feel a bit better. (Except the fact I am a coward though) I encourage others to type out their anger and grief too. Don't need to publish it though. Just type or write. Really unstresses you.