N for Noose
Sometimes I'm terrified of dying. I stay up all night crying when I visualize whatever horrible deaths that comes to end.
What if I sleep and never wake up?
How would I feel when I head lands on the contrete?
What if I was drowning and no one could save me?
This often goes with seeing my family die. They're the only ones I feel remotely close to. Who will I go to if they die? What if I lose them in a horrible accident? What do I do? I'll be completely alone.
Other times I feel like I should die. I feel like a waste of space. Everything will be so much better if I die. Sure people can mourn but they'll get over it in no time. What am I to them—A nobody.
I don't even have the energy to do it. I think I'll just starve to death. Or maybe hope I'm get a car accident.
What if I don't die in that accident? I'll cry. I'll sob. On top of not even dying, I racked up medical expenses. I'd wish that I had died.
Some days I just want to disappear. Not die. Just vanish. No one will even notice I'm gone until somebody point it out. I feel it'll make things better if I had disappeared. It's not like anyone wants me around.
Normally, I just feel nothing. I just do what I need to do. I wished I had a passion. I wished I had aspirations.
But I have nothing.
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NezařaditelnéStruggles. Excuses. Problems. Issues. Random shit. Something we all can relate. Essentially a vent book or a way to put everything in writing Plus thoughts and some theories. (beware cringe and teen stuff until you get to the recent ones) Some part...
