I am?

To MCE:

To MCE:

Hey listen... Yeah it was nice that we played together again even after all those years... but why?

I'm a bad person. The most terrible friend that you could possibility have. You did mention that years ago which I failed to notice during that time. But looking back now... It was.. indeed my fault.

I should have never left. I made excuses. A lot of excuses— bullshit ones- practically lies, anything that seens good enough to enjoy other games. To leave you guys for others. Yeah... maybe if I hadn't done that then my life would have been more carefree.

I'm not saying going back together is bad... but why with me?

Why with someone that have left you?
Disappointed you?
Lied to you?

I'm glad to see you found new people, I wish you good luck. But I don't need to be one of those people that's because I'm not me anymore.

I've changed, MCE. I found videos of me and you along with CB and AD too. It was me chatting with you guys. But that 'me' in the video doesn't seem like me at all. That 'me' was a whole different person. I don't even remember where the video or how the video was taken.

So... I have changed.. and for the worse.

Everything is... so forgein. I feel so alienated... Maybe that's why I can't find new people. The old 'me' can. haha...

Anyways, I have united with you a while back with my own actions. But...

It was painful

unbearable

Awkward

Suffocating

I couldn't say anything but 'lol'

Why..?

The truth is I feel guilty. Ashamed. I can't face you. Not after knowing what I have done wrong. Not after knowing I'm not the person you knew. Not after letting the whole squad down.

I never came back to you after that. And then you came back to me.

How can I do this? I don't even have the guts to tell you all this face to face.

There's no point for me to tag along in your life anymore.

I'm sorry. Really I am.
-

that's my mini letter that will never reach the person that I'm talking to

i feel these letters will be able to let out some of my thoughts that i'm keeping bottled up so i don't explode someday

but... then why am i feeling so disheartened?