ecstasy || b.e

she loves me

billie rang the doorbell continuously, a dull and disappointed expression on her face as she waited for either finneas or claudia to open the door.

just as she was about to ring the bell once again, the door swung open, revealing a rather annoyed looking finneas. but his expression soon softened when he noticed the unshed tears that were crowding billie's eyes as he gave her a confused look.

"billie? what's wro-"

"she told me she loves me." billie cut him off as she let herself inside, the ginger following close behind, even more confused than before.

"she told me she loves me, and i fucking blew it. i couldn't say it back!" she groaned as she made her way to the living room where she plopped herself down on the couch next to a confused claudia.

"what's going on?" claudia asked, looking between billie and finneas for an answer.

"y/n said 'i love you' and i couldn't say it back." billie whispered softly, letting her tears now fall. "i don't know why i couldn't because clearly, i love her more than i've ever loved anyone. i've told you that. i even told mom i love her!" billie let out an exasperated sigh as she rubbed her face with her hands.

"you were probably just shocked. it happens." claudia tried reassuring her, rubbing her back to calm her down.

"yeah, claudia is right. i mean, it is pretty soon into your relationship. you were bound to be taken by surprise when she said it." finneas added, billie just shaking her head.

"she probably thinks i don't love her. but i do! i love her so much. and i hate that i couldn't say it back." billie fell into claudia's arms as the older girl whispered sweet encouragements in billie's ear.

"it's okay, billie. i'm sure she'll understand. just tell her that you love her too." claudia spoke, pulling away from the hug before kissing her forehead.

"yeah, go over tomorrow and tell her you love her too." finneas chimed in as he sat down beside claudia, billie looking at the two of them with a sigh.

"i can't." billie replied, her voice breaking. "i can't do it. i'm scared." her voice now timid, she looked at the floor, ashamed of the words leaving her mouth as she let a tear slip her eye.

"scared?" finneas asked as he exchanged a confused glance with claudia.

billie took in a deep, shaky breath as she answered. "scared that she'll leave me. just like the rest. and i can't afford that, i can't afford to be hurt again." tears now freely fell down her cheeks, no matter how many times she wiped them away.

"but y/n isn't like the others. i've known her since we were babies." claudia responded, billie shaking her head.

"you left when you were sixteen, claud. you were out of her life for seven years. she's bound to have changed!" billie exclaimed, though she knew y/n was the sweetest person in the world and would never hurt her on purpose.

"billie, i may not have known her for seven years but i know her now! you have no idea how head over heels she is for you." claudia paused before continuing. "i know you're scared of falling in love and commitment and everything related to that, but you have to trust y/n. she's different from the others, you know that's true. just because your previous partners were terrible, doesn't mean y/n is the same. because we both know she would never hurt you on purpose, ever."

by the end of claudia's dialogue, billie was a sobbing mess. everything she said was right. this whole falling in love thing hit her like a train and though she loved y/n, she wasn't sure she loved the idea of being in love with someone. she'd been hurt way too many times in the past that she'd lost count and she couldn't afford to let that happen again.

but then again, she knew y/n wouldn't let that happen. y/n knew about her past relationships - the two had a talk about each others' past and promised each other to never put the other person through anything nearly as bad. billie was planning on keeping the promise, and she knew y/n was going to do the same.

when billie didn't say anything, finneas sighed. "you should get to bed, billie. you can crash here tonight. just get some sleep, we'll talk tomorrow." he suggested, billie nodding with a shaky breath as she stood up and trudged upstairs to her room, wiping her tears on the way.

falling face first on the bed, she let out a loud sigh as millions of thoughts surged through her head.

she was scared, she really was. but maybe, just maybe..y/n was worth it. maybe y/n was worth being scared shitless. maybe y/n was worth the heartbreak that comes with being far too deep in love. maybe y/n was worth all the anger and pain and the bittersweet feeling of being in love.

billie knew she was doomed from the second she fell in love with the girl. but what could she do? y/n was the most perfect person she'd ever set eyes on. and that was not bound to change anytime soon.

though she was terrified, deep down she knew. she knew that y/n was worth it all.

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alright so i will disappear for a while because of exams, bear with me. i'll try being back as soon as possible

thanks for reading <3