You're Ours (GXG || Intersex)

6

Phara

Emrie returned two hours ago and has been quiet since.

Well, other than apologizing, so there's that.

It surprised me to see Ms. Volkov was the one to drop her off. She said she found her wandering the streets and brought her home. I don't believe that.

Emrie had been gone for seven hours and said she was walking the whole time, which I also didn't believe. She knew I didn't believe her, which led her to beg me to drop the conversation.

She was currently in the shower, and I was watching her. I know it's creepy, but she has been off, which gave the impression that something had happened. I don't want her to tell me everything until she's ready, but I did want some reassurance. I just wanted her to tell me something to ease my nerves about her disappearance.

If my experience with them both was traumatizing to me, imagine being in a car with Ye-Jun by herself. At least it wasn't both of them. Furthermore, I don't trust that Ye-Jun is showing us who she is.

She always smiles no matter what situation she is in. I can never tell what she is thinking. Then again, I've never been one to tell what anyone was thinking. That was all Emrie and her talents.

I was ripped from my thoughts when Emrie hissed in pain.

"Are you okay?"

As expected, she didn't answer.

"You gotta tell me what's wrong, Emrie."

"You're one to talk," I heard her mumble, making me sigh.

"And could you stop watching me, please?"

"Will you tell me something that will ease my mind," I retorted. She turned the water off and ran a hand over her face. "Nothing happened, Phara, so please drop it," she said, wrapping a towel around her.

I might not be good with body language, but I am good with tones. When Emrie lies, her voice drops a little. She might not notice it, but I do. Throwing my hands above my head, I dropped the conversation as she asked.

"Fine, I'm going to sleep," I mumbled and left.

"Don't be like that, Phara," she grabbed my wrist, stopping me. "Be like what, Emrie," I sighed, pulling my wrist from her. Now, I understand how she felt when the roles were switched. "You're mad at me, aren't you," she asked.

I'm not upset she won't tell me what happened. I'm more relieved than anything. At least she came back safely, and that's all that matters. "I'm not mad." I turned toward her and wrapped my arms around her.

"I'm just relieved you're safe," I said, then let her go. I walked out of the room and went to mine. Walking into my room, I dropped the mask from my face. This is exhausting.

I sat on the bed and checked my phone for any notifications. Nothing.

My phone was as dry as the Sahara Desert. It hurt to know I had no one in my family who cared about me. Even though the Quazas treated me as such, it still hurts, knowing that my own flesh and blood would throw me away.

Just like my mother.

The one person I was supposed to depend on broke me. She shattered every piece of me and stepped on what little I had gathered to heal myself.

The scars she left as souvenirs upon her departure will forever be with me. I bitterly chuckled to myself as I traced one on my thigh. The worst part was I could never hate her for what she did.

I still love her with all of me. I still craved her affection, hoping and praying she would return to me. No matter what she did, I will never hate her because she was my mother.

Her brother did love me. He loved me so much he didn't. He loved to hear me beg him to get off me in the middle of the night. He loved me so much that he almost killed me when I tried to tell the only person who would listen to me.

My Grandmother. She died in her sleep when I was 17. She was the only one who continued to protect me when I accidentally came out.

Instead of giving me a disgusted look like the rest, she got up and hugged me, saying she would still love me the same.

I could feel myself slightly smiling at the memories that popped up with her. I probably looked weird doing that, so I immediately stopped.

It was about time I got in the shower, so I went into the closet and got my clothes out to wear.

Satisfied with what I had chosen to wear to bed, I threw on the bed and walked into the bathroom.

I turned the shower knob around and let it steam the bathroom. I stripped from what I had on and got in.

No thoughts passed through my mind while I completed these tasks.

I washed myself and rinsed off, repeating the motion twice more. I didn't feel like getting out just yet, so I continued to stand under the showerhead.

I felt the sting of the heat as it hit my skin and hugged myself. I tightened my grip on myself as if I were freezing and the once-hot water had turned icy. When did the water get so cold? I probably didn't turn it up high enough.

I reached to turn the heat up some more but quickly remembered it was at its max. I tightened my grip on the knob once I realized my body had grown numb. Not even the shower could provide the warmth my body searched for

My body shook as it released a deep sob. I dropped to my knees and let the water mask my tears. At that moment, I wanted to yell at the world for the life I lived. "Why me?" The one question that bounced around my head.

I wanted to yell at my deceased grandmother for leaving, even though she had no choice but to sleep. I wanted to yell at my mother for leaving me with no answers.

I can't get mad at God for this life. Even though he knows the beginning and end, he also gives you free choice over your decisions. It was their fault for how they treated me. It was their choice to commit those actions.

I was just a child! How could I seduce a grown man? I squeezed my head as I tried to get his words out. A heart-gripping sob released from my lips, and I could only hope the shower had covered it from Emrie's ears.

I finally got his words of humiliation to leave me once more and hugged myself tighter, praying I could reach the scarred child left behind.