ruined, but is it?

didn't expect this

Breathing in deep, rain furrowed his brow to slowly open his eyes to dart them about has he was to his side, alone.
Rain then turned to his back, to turn his head to the side, to reach an arm out to place his hand palm down to the bed to move it up and down to sign.
Getting slowly up, he looked about with a face.
You really didn't come in last night.....mm..... After how I acted......I can see why.
Rain took in a very deep breathe to place a hand to his blanket to move it away from his lower, to go to his dresser to get dress, without much thought.
Turning he then went to leave the bedroom to be under the door frame after he opened the door to look about a bit confused. He didn't see payu.
Shrugging, rain went to the kitchen to look to the counter to see breakfast.
Always so...... Maybe this is why I'm so confused.
Rain shook his head to turn to start to go about to go to a few rooms to see nothing to start to go about his place a bit in a hectic way.
"Payu? Payu!"
Rain went about to stop at the dining room table to breathe heavily, to eye a note.
Gulping, rain stepped further closer to the table to grab at it to place it before himself to read it over .
Payu: I believe this is for the best. I have decided to leave and not come back. I'm somewhere I don't believe we will meet again. I'm so sorry rain but I will never ever love you and I'm just confusing you. You have no idea how thankful I am to have met you and been with you.
Rain flexed his jaw to then crumble the paper to turn to go straight to the plate to throw it to the side to fall to his knees to make a hard face to wrap his arms about himself to then fall to the side to start to cry has he felt his heart breaking.
2 months later
To his stove without an expression, rain moved the food about the pan to sign and hard. Moving about he then placed the food to his plate to grab at it to go about to his dining room table to sit to eye down to what he made, to pick up his fork to then stab it inside the food to start to eat and slowly.
Has these two months went by, rain didn't say a word, barely thought and went almost everyday in the beginning to try and find payu to no avail. At this point he stopped trying to find him and tried to go back to his normal routine he had before he ever met this man however it was a difficulty.
Eating only half, rain got up to go to the living room to lay to his side to eye over the black television to then go to his back to look to the ceiling has he felt like he was an empty shell.
Signing, he got up to go to the window to move the piece away to eye about has he watched the bugs, aliens and plants moved about, rain then made a very hard face.
What is the point of surviving anymore?
Rain flexed his jaw to move the piece over to then go to the wall to bend his legs in, to place his hands over his ears to hum and loud.
Ever since payu left rain had been having suicidal thoughts.
After a bit, rain moved his legs forward to move his head back to the wall to open his eyes to dart them about to sign.
What really is the point of living?
Rain wrapped his arms about himself to hold has he felt he was going to break.
He made a face to then get slowly up to go to his parents room, to eye over the door to move a hand up to the nob to turn to open, letting the door open and wide rain stepped in a bit to then turn on the light to look about to make a face has his chin started to quiver, turning he went to the room next to there's to do the same thing to eye over his sister's nursery.
Rain hung his head to look down to dart his eyes.
What is the fucking point anymore! I'm all alone! I'm always alone! I know I promised my parents to survive but why!
Rain turned to go slowly to his front door to keep his head hung to dart his eyes about to place his hands into fists to start to have them shake to slowly look up.
I'm so sick of this! Why keep a fucking promise to two people who are.......I..... Can't do this anymore! All my family is dead! My friends! There are no more women, payu left me because I was so naive, stupid and can't believe what I said! I'm not gay! Just confused!
Rain started to breathe heavily to turn to go to his weapons room to be just done with everything.
Getting everything he could carry, rain left his home without real thought, to close the door behind him to lock, to go about to start to shoot at aliens, plants and the bugs about his apartment, to then drop a few guns to run and quick has he started to be chased to go outside to look about has those things looked to him to start to chase has well, rain ran has fast has he could to breathe and hard, to go far then he ever had before to get away.
Seeing an old building rain turned to go inside to go to a room, to close and lock the door to go to the wall to breathe harder to look at it to hear very loud thumping.
What the hell is the matter with me! Why did I do this! I'm going to die or get impregnated with those.....
Rain started to shake has his mind started to come back to him.
Making a face, rain moved up a bit has he heard gun shots.
"Pay.....payu?"
Rain moved up to wait until the thumping stopped to gulp to then slowly open the door, to eye about has he saw death to slowly look up to widen his eyes to what he was not all expecting.
Can't believe this is....... Is this real?