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IONA COULD hear her own heartbeat in her ears. It was like an intense thrumming, a mantra of badum badum badum that overpowered her senses and tore her apart piece by piece. Occasionally, she could hear her own breathing, but that was rare.
Everything was dull. Grey upon black upon white until it all faded into the same color, and her eyes were hurting from attempting to process the colors.
She trailed behind the group, eyes searching the bland entrance of the dark cave she was supposed to enter alongside everyone else. Still, she stood, watching Octavia disappear into the opening, while she inspected the rocks.
The woman must've noticed the lack of her partner, slowly turning to see Iona staring up at the sky, just like Lincoln had in his final moments, and she swallowed thickly.
Walking back, she grabbed Iona's hand, squeezing softly and tugging her alongside her- as if reminding her that the two of them could face anything as long as they had each other, and Octavia wasn't ready to not have her beside her yet.
Iona let herself be dragged, wordlessly following behind as the pair arrived a minute behind everyone else, who slowly sunk down into seats.
"Where's Lincoln?" Bellamy stuttered out.
When Iona spoke, it was as if he was just not realizing she was there- which, he was- and all he could see was pain and emptiness in her eyes; a look he'd never seen before- a look that unnerved him.
She dropped her katana to the ground before dryly replying, "Dead."
"Pike put a bullet in his brain," Octavia continued, her voice tight and hoarse. At the memory, she squeezed Iona's hand even tighter, nearly drawing blood with how her nails were digging into the woman's skin.
Iona didn't show any signs of caring.
Bellamy looked between the two of them once Octavia started crying out, beginning to murmur an apology only to be met by Octavia's hand. She released her grip on Iona, beginning to hit him endlessly until Kane, too, started opposing.
If it was any other day, Iona would've taken Octavia's hands off for hitting Bellamy. Yet, knowing what he did, and what he caused, she merely stood there, staring, as he was ruthlessly attacked by his sister.
Iona didn't say anything, merely watching.
In truth, she wanted to hit him. She wanted to hit him until she didn't love him anymore and all her pain went away because she just didn't care but she knew that wouldn't work.
Despite everything, she did love him, and God, she wished she didn't.
She wished she could gather the strength to put everything behind her and cling to the one man that has ever truly loved her and forgive him for everything he did wrong- but she couldn't.
She couldn't because she loves him. Iona knows she loves him and that's the part that hurts the most. He hurt her because of love. The whole thing only hurts because it's from him and he loves her, too.
She didn't know how to fix it, either, and make it all go away.
She can't hurt him because hurting him hurts her, and she knows she can't handle more pain on top of all the hurt she's currently experiencing. So, she watches, hoping her feelings will magically disappear with every punch Octavia throws.
Octavia doesn't stop until Bellamy's bloody on the ground, the man allowing her to do whatever he wants until she stops, muttering out, "You're dead to me."
Octavia then walks away, escaping the cave for what Iona assumed was a breath of fresh air. Bellamy merely stares from the ground, blood dripping from his mouth and nose, as he rolls onto his back with a grunt.
Sighing to herself, Iona sadly sinks to the ground in front of him, tugging him upright and into a sitting position with her hand.
He watches her, face contorted in pain, with guilty eyes.
"You gonna hit me too?"
Iona stares emotionlessly at him, shrugging. Ripping off the end of his shirt, she begins wiping at his mouth and nose, collecting all the blood and wiping his face clean. "I should, shouldn't I?" She questions quietly.
Wringing the fabric out with some of the water in a small hole in the cave, she continues to clean him off of the remnants of dried blood, and he frowns.
After everything, she still cares.
She's still willing to clean his wounds and being easy with her hand, as if she's dealing with something fragile she's afraid will break. Iona still has that gentleness to her that she only shows around him, and it makes him swallow.
She shouldn't still be here, attempting to help him. If anything, she should be hitting him. That would be better than her silently loving him still, but too afraid of getting hurt again to act upon it.
He wouldn't hurt her again, he swore to himself, but it seems like he just keeps hurting her despite his best efforts.
"I'm sorry," He murmurs quietly, eyes exploring every part of her face, hoping to find some remnants of the woman he saw before she left for Lexa's fight. Instead, all he found was a shell that lifelessly stared back.
"Sorry doesn't fix this, Bellamy," She says, and his heart feels like it's been ripped out of his chest and stepped on a million times over. The lack of emotion, of love- the use of his full name and no loving Sky Boy or Bells.
He reaches, then, for her hand, in a desperate attempt to get some emotion out of her, and what he gets instead has him blinking away tears.
She pulls away from his grip instantly, shaking her head, and muttering, "No. Just... no."
With that, she stands, tossing the fabric his direction and wandering over to a corner of the cave, contorting herself into a ball and staring sadly at the water.
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YOU ARE READING
GRIM REAPER¹, bellamy blake
Fanfiction❝are you afraid of me?❞ ❝of you? no. of what you can do? definitely.❞ ❝you should be afraid of all of me, sky boy.❞ A Trikru commander, Iona Valana, is spun into a new world when her sister dies by a Sky People massacre, and it leads to an unlikely...
