why must iona be so complex and why do i keep writing her that way its killing me inside
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IT HADN'T been long before a horn sounded, and Iona's shoulders sagged with fear as she shared a horrified look with Harper. Iona hated how her heart skipped a beat and she felt all the color drain from her face- then, like a miracle (or perhaps adrenaline) she felt her energy restored to her.
Harper couldn't stop her. She tried to- calling after her, yelling her name, trying to reason with her from afar, and even attempting to grab her hand when Iona rushed past her. Still, the woman made no signs of stopping, darting out the cave's exit.
She didn't know where she was going. Really, she wasn't even sure why she was leaving in the first place.
She was a broken soldier. Her katana felt heavy in her hand, and her wrists cramped from the way she constantly twirled it in her grasp. Iona had never felt such a way, like she was fighting for the first time- her hands unsteady.
Really, why was she leaving?
Iona was safe with Harper, she knew that. She knew she had a much better chance of survival if she stuck with the group- but, like many things, it was an unrealistic craving she knew she couldn't satiate despite how much she does or does not want to.
She didn't care as much, shielding her face from the blinding sun. It made her eyes ache painfully, squinting at the way the rays hit her just right, as if they were peering into her soul.
Shrugging her shoulders, Iona stepped forward, her feet unsteady and slow as she glanced back one last time. Harper stood at the entrance, beginning to descend down the path and meet her, but when they shared an intense stare, she stood still.
"Where will you go?" She asked quietly. Despite the distance, Iona could hear her just fine.
Yet again, Iona took another hesitant step. Did she want to leave? Did she really want to interfere with the customs her people chose, and run headfirst into danger that really could endanger her life?
Or was she just ready to leave and abandon what she knew?
That was plausible. Iona no longer felt welcome in such a strange world, and especially uncomfortable around the people she'd come to accept as friends- or, in a strange way, her mix and matched family.
"Somewhere," Iona answered, her gaze far away, mind hazy. She didn't know the answer- not really, anyways- and decided she'd be much better off finding out as she went. "I'll find a place."
Glancing back one last time, Iona met Harper's concerned stare with a confused one of her own. Then, it changed to determination as she glanced at the ground, as if afraid it might harm her, as she debated for the final time whether or not she wanted to leave.
Yes, she answered to herself.
She wanted to leave and stop getting hurt. She wanted to stop caring about everyone else in her life and start paying attention to her. Iona wanted to return to who she was months ago, when she feared nothing; not war, not pain, not love.
Now, she's afraid of all three- and so much more- and that breaks her.
She needed to escape. She needed to find a place so far away from these people that had come to accept her, gain her trust, and later hold her heart in their hands as if it was a leaf. Then, they crushed it to smithereens, dropping the pieces to the ground.
Iona set off.
Her feet carried her- to where, she didn't know- as spots overcame her vision. She was panting, easily tired from her recent wounds, but she didn't care.
She couldn't bring herself to care.
She ran and ran until her feet had gone numb and her heart was pounding in her chest, an excruciating rhythm of intense beats against her ribcage. She knew she'd disappoint people with her decision, but when she remembered how they'd disappointed her, she felt nothing.
No sorrow, no regret. All Iona felt was vengeance- a red hot emotion she knew all too well- as she traversed the forest, jumping over logs and narrowly avoiding tree branches that threatened to hit her in the face.
She should care but she didn't- she couldn't.
In the end, she knew her choice would hurt Bellamy more than anything else she could've ever done or said. And, in her own petty way, that felt better than anything else in the world.
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YOU ARE READING
GRIM REAPER¹, bellamy blake
Fanfiction❝are you afraid of me?❞ ❝of you? no. of what you can do? definitely.❞ ❝you should be afraid of all of me, sky boy.❞ A Trikru commander, Iona Valana, is spun into a new world when her sister dies by a Sky People massacre, and it leads to an unlikely...
