When My Life Was Him

Chapter 05

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Trigger Warning: This Chapter has something to do with suicidal attempt.

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I tried to cover my ears using my pillow but it didn't work.

Naririnig ko pa rin ang mga sigawan nila mula sa kabilang kwarto. I can feel the anger with the words they throw at each other. Naririnig ko rin kung paano mabasag at masira ang mga gamit sa loob ng kwarto nila na marahil ay binabato nila sa isa't isa.

Napaigtad ako nang makarinig nang malakas na pagtama ng isang babasaging gamit sa kabilang dingding.

These past few years had been hell for me. Laging nag-aaway ang mga magulang ko and I can't do anything to stop them.

Ang tanging nagagawa ko lang sa tuwing mag-aaway ang mga ito ay umiyak at itala ang bilang ng mga gamit na nabasag dahil sa batuhan nila.

And so I updated my list.

With tears that keeps on flowing in my eyes, I walked up to sit in front of my vanity mirror and get the sharpest thing I laid my eyes on.

Inilabas ko ang talab ng cutter at inilapat sa kaliwang pulso ko ang matalas na parte nito.

"Isa," I cut myself as I heard a shattering sound.

"Dalawa," I add another one as the sound goes on.

"Tatlo, apat, lima,"

Hanggang sa sunod-sunod ang pagkasira at pagkabasag ng mga gamit na naririnig ko.

Nawala na ako sa bilang kung kaya basta ko na lang ginuhitan ang pulso ko, not stopping even though I can feel the sting as my blood flows from the open wounds.

Patuloy pa rin sina Mama at Papa sa pag-aaway, at patuloy pa rin ako sa paglalaslas.

If I can't stop them from hurting each other, might as well take a note on how many things they broke during their fight.

And that includes me.

Nawala na ako sa sarili ko as I keep on crying and cutting myself. Sinasabayan ko ang bawat sigaw nila.

Hanggang sa hindi ko na kaya.

"Aaaaaaahhhhh!!!"

I let out a scream, a very loud scream.

And that made them stop from shouting next door, but it didn't stop me from hurting myself more.

Paulit-ulit akong sumigaw habang patuloy pa ring sinusugatan ang sarili ko.

I heard them knocking and calling me from the door of my room pero hindi ko sila pinagbuksan.

I keep on shouting, screaming in pain, hanggang sa nanginginig na ang kaliwang braso ko sa dami ng dugong nawala dito dahil sa mga sugat na nagawa ko.

My left arm is wounded, and I am the one who did it.

I felt satisfaction from the blood I see. Seeing how it all flows, the pain I felt from the inside lessens.