Spider Monkey

Chapter Fifty - Nine - Realisation

Carl was reading one of his comics in Hedley's room, alone. When suddenly...

"Have you been in here all day?" Enid came in, looking down at Carl's place on the floor.

"Mm."

"What have you been doing?"

"Reading." He showed Enid his comic then nodded at Rosie's tank, "Hanging out with Rosie."

She crossed her arms, "You'd rather hang out with a millipede than with me?"

"I just needed to be alone." He said, still looking down.

"I know you miss him but it's not like he's dead-"

"You're right." He cut her off, "He's just being held against his will by the man who killed his uncle right in front of him."

She sighed, sitting down next to him, "Sorry."

"Just... leave me alone."

"No. You're upset. I'm not gonna leave you to sit in your own sorrow." She rested her head on his shoulder.

Carl thought back to when Hedley used to do that. Instead of the warmth he normally felt whenever Hedley laid his head down on him, he felt nothing but emptiness. "Thanks."

After a moment of quiet, Enid spoke, "I heard Negan. Calling you Hedley's boyfriend." She looked up at him, "Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"With Hedley... like that?"

"No." He said quietly.

"Do you wanna be?"

"No." He then rambled, "Yes. Maybe. I don't know."

"Do you wanna kiss him?"

"Enid-"

"Have you ever kissed anybody? Guy or girl?"

Carl shook his head, "No."

"Then how do you know who you want without a little ... experimentation?"

He just shrugged.

"Kiss me." She said.

It made Carl's head snap up in alarm, "What?"

"Kiss me." She said again, this time bringing her head close to his and before he knew it, their lips connected. She sighed into the kiss and he did his best to move his lips with hers. He knows he should be feeling something. Fireworks, warmth, butterflies. But he didn't. All he felt was shame. He felt like he was betraying Hedley. His throat closed up and his fingers were shaking. He pulled away. She smiled at him.

"There. Not so bad now, was it?" She said, putting her head back down on his shoulder, "You probably no longer wanna kiss Hedley now, do you? You've got me."

Carl didn't reply. He was too busy being trapped in his own head.

***

Carl came into his house to see Michonne and Rick on the floor in 'bed'. Judith was asleep in her crib nearby.

"Hey." Rick said when seeing Carl in the doorway.

"Something happened today... I need to talk about it." He said, fingers fidgeting his sleeve.

"I'll just-" Michonne said, getting up.

"No." Carl quickly spoke, "Stay. I... I could use your advice too."

She sat back down and when Carl took his place in front of Michonne and his dad, he took a deep breath.

Rick reached out to grab Carl's shoulder, "It's okay. Whatever you have to tell us, we're here."

Michonne took Carl's hand, "We love you no matter what."

"Enid kissed me today." Carl blurted, the words making his mouth dry, "I-I know you're meant to feel something when someone kisses you. But-" He sighed, not really knowing how to get his words out. "How do you know you're kissing the right person?"

Michonne smiled kindly, "That's simple. It's about answering one simple question."

Carl perked up, desperate for the answer.

"Do you want to kiss her again?"

The words were unexpected and it made Carl think. The kiss wasn't something he partially liked... his mind was too preoccupied with the thought of Hedley. He thought about the feeling of her lips on his, her breath on his skin, her words.

Carl knew the answer. "No." He said. "I don't."

"Then you're kissing the wrong person." She grinned.

Rick spoke up, "Do you know who you want to kiss instead? Who you think might be the right person?"

Carl felt himself close to tears and he didn't know why. He nodded his head.

"Is it Hedley?"

He nodded his head again, letting a tear spill down his cheek.

Rick wiped it away, smiling proudly, "It's okay, son."

Carl sniffled, chuckling wetly, "I know it's okay, dad. It's just- He's not here. I can't tell him."

"I know."

"But we'll get him back." Michonne said, tugging the teen into her side, "We're gonna bring him home."

"How?" Carl spoke into her neck.

"We're going to make a plan." Rick promised, rubbing Carl's back.

"Does that mean-" Carl pulled back to look at his dad, "we're going to fight?"

Rick glanced up at Michonne then nodded at Carl, "Yeah. We're going to fight."