𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝘾𝘼𝙏 𝙄𝙉 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙃𝘼𝙏, 𝘤𝘩𝘶𝘶𝘺𝘢. 𝘯

𝘽𝙇𝙊𝙊𝘿 ; 𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙚𝙣

mentions of self-harm

you, chuuya, higuchi, gin and tachi returned to the port mafia together, walking in together as if you owned the place, which you literally owned the place. you were the second closest to being partially related to mori, which in other words -- meant that you were almost like fourth in command. you definitely had power in this building, god forbid anyone respected the hierarchy. after all, not a lot of people had an ounce of respect for you, especially after you left. coming back only made it worse.

but regardless, the five of you went into the large living area, seeing akutugawa on one of the couches snuggled up with a blanket, looking at peace for once.

although he was a fairly light sleeper, so he woke up when all of you placed the bags down, his expression stuck between a confused gaze, or an angry one. the only two emotions he knew.

"i'm exhausted," gin walked over to the couch akutugawa was on, laying down on the arm rest and falling overtop of his lap in a dramatic demeanour. "hold me, dearest brother."

higuchi leaned into you, "i'm an only child, is this how siblings work?" she whispered. you shrugged, as well as higuchi, you were siblingless.

"yeah." tachihara cut in, exchanging glances between you and higuchi, before shrugging. "sibling love." he walked away, clearly siblings were a touchy subject for him.

chuuya hadn't entered the living area with you, he told you he would be back in his office since he didn't care to be surrounded by idiots.

"well," you turned around, heading for the door. "good luck with them, higuchi." you waved at her, who was left sighing.

your body started moving automatically, already knowing where exactly you were going. it was already embedded into your brain.

although, once you reached chuuyas room the atmosphere felt.. off. something seemed different. the door was left slightly ajar, the smell of smoke seeping out of it. your gun felt heavy against your thigh, automatically reminding you that you had it, and to use it if you absolutely needed to. to which, you did, pulling it out of its holster, and turning off the safe mode.

but when you opened the door, you certainly weren't expecting to see dazai. the cigarette lingering from his mouth, his hands in his pockets as he kept his gaze on a picture hanging from the dry-wall. the gun disappeared from your hand, suddenly feeling a sense of security around the man.

"shit, dazai.." you walked up beside him, following where his eyes were glued to. the picture of you, chuuya and him all together as teenagers. "you can't just.." your voice wearing off as your eyes met his, "..do that." his face was stoic, playing some sort of façade.

"what's.. wrong?" you sighed, trying to find some of reasoning through his eyes, but they were just.. dark. there was nothing behind them.

he shrugged, his gaze falling down to the ground. his mouth opening to speak, but nothing coming out but the warmth of his breath.

"i-" he could feel himself getting redder in the face, his mood threatening to change further than what it already was. "take your time." you whispered to him, hoping it would calm him down somewhat.

he couldn't meet your eyes. he felt stupid, and idiotic, and was nervous you would as well.

"i relapsed, [f/n].. you and chuuya are the only ones i can come to.. this was my only option." his eyes started becoming glossy, tears threatening to fall. "im sorry.. i can leave." you shook your head. he wasn't in any condition to be leaving anytime soon.

you just welcomed him with a hug, trying your best to comfort him.

he always had an issue with self harm. but he said he was getting better when he left the mafia. something must've set him back, but what?

"have you cleaned up yet?" you sighed, guiding him towards chuuyas bathroom. "your arms, i mean." he only shook his head in response, praying that you would do it.

he couldn't look at himself when he was at his lowest. it would only make matters worse, set him back further. so, either he let someone else clean them, or he let them get infected. which just caused more trouble than it was worth.

you took off his coat, as well as his long sleeved shirt that would get in the way, beginning to clean up the fresh cuts, blood littering around them, inducing the risk of infection.

the smell of the blood was horrid. it always was. it never gets better, and it never will.

"shit.. dazai, i'm gonna have to stitch a few of these up." you sighed, looking for chuuyas thread and needle before ultimately finding it on a shelf. "do you care if i do?"

he shook his head in response. he didn't care at this point, he couldn't think straight. tears dried to his face, head pounding. he felt terrible. he couldn't watch as you stitched him up, already feeling dizzy as-is.

you wrapped his arms in fresh bandages, making sure to wrap his torso, along with his neck. this was your opportunity to look him over. see how many scars he truly had.

they were.. everywhere. on his lower abdomen, his chest, arms, neck.. you couldn't even count how many scars you seen with both hands.

"jesus, dazai. you said you were getting better.." you finished on wrapping him back up, handing him his shirt back before noticing the sleeves had blood on them.

"i was.." he sighed. "and then i wasn't."

you ran his shirt underneath the cold water, scrubbing it against your hands in hopes to get it out as much as possible.

"look, you can stay here for the night. we can go back to my room, i'll stay up with you." you sighed, "i'm sure chuuya wouldn't want you disturbing his sleep anyways."

your eyes widened. chuuya. where was he?

"did you see chuuya on your way in here?" you managed to ask the brunette. he shrugged.

you opened the bathroom door to grab your phone, which revealed chuuya sitting on the bed. his eyes meeting yours, before glancing over at the man beside you, who was standing there shirtless.

"what the hell?" he stood up, glancing at dazais bandaged body. "what did you do?" his question towards dazai as he stepped closer.

"he relapsed." you spat out before dazai could even open his mouth, obviously uncomfortable. "came here to look for us. needed me to clean him up."

his brows furrowed as he glanced between the two of you.

you scoffed, your tongue pushing your cheek out. "do you seriously not trust me?" your voice laced with venom. he could only roll his eyes in response. "it's him that i don't trust."

"are you serious? he won't try anything with me because i would kill him, you fucking idiot." you walked past him, guiding dazai back to where he already knew your room was.

"where are you going?" he scoffed, not removing his eyes from dazais, who couldn't meet his.

"my room. he needs someone to stay with him." you groaned, "and obviously he isn't going to stay here. you'll be at his throat the entire night."

he scoffed, his tongue running along his teeth before shaking his head. watching you walk away with his probable worst enemy. but the fact that he knows exactly how dazai is, made it all the worst.

so, here he was. flopped down on his bed, focussing on his ceiling, the vision of the love of his fucking life walk out the door, angry, with his horny enemy.

"shit.."