𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝘾𝘼𝙏 𝙄𝙉 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙃𝘼𝙏, 𝘤𝘩𝘶𝘶𝘺𝘢. 𝘯

𝙎𝙄𝘾𝙆𝙉𝙀𝙎𝙎 ; 𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙮

mentions of vomit, skipping meals, possible eating disorder.

you tossed and turned against dazais body beside yours, not being able to get comfortable, nor able to go to sleep.

"you okay?" the brunettes voice was groggy. "you've been tossing all night." he turned to face you, not being able to tell exactly how exhausted you were from the darkness of the room.

you swallowed, nipping at your lips. "yeah, no- i'm fine." your eyes meeting his, any noise in the surrounding areas being drowned out. "i'm just.. thinking."

of course, you were thinking about chuuya. and about how he would react knowing you slept in the same bed as dazai. he would probably kill him. but.. he didn't have any say in this. he needed to be more trusting, and he knew that. it was always an issue, especially when he was younger.

"stop worrying."

see, here's the issue with dazai. he could always read you like an open book. it never failed, he already knew what was on your mind before even you knew what was on your mind.

"says you." you chuckled to yourself, going silent, thinking further in depth about chuuya.

until a terrible idea struck your mind. utterly terrible.

"do you want to get like, reeaaallly high?" he scoffed, grinning slightly. "you couldn't have asked me that earlier?"

which then led to this.

the two of you laughing your asses off like two idiots, re-living memories from your teenage years.

"remember that one time? when we almost crashed chuuyas motorcycle?" you giggled to yourself. "the look he gave us that day was unforgettable."

"i'm pretty sure he killed me twenty times over in his head," dazai sighed. "probably not you though. you were too angelic to get mad at." he scoffed, eyes meeting yours with a grin on his face. you could tell he was on edge about saying something, he had that look.

"how mad do you think he is right now?"

you gave him a puzzled look, you had already forgotten anything from earlier on in the night.

"y'know, since you're here with me," his tongue ran along his teeth. "instead of him?"

his words brought back you back to a few nights ago. when he told chuuya that you were going to leave him for himself.

"what.. do you mean? he trusts me." you blinked in confusion, "he.. loves me.."

"right?"

he shrugged in response, reaching for his phone to see if chuuya had texted him and told him to die or something along those lines.

"you tell me wether or not he trusts you."

he turned this phone towards you, allowing for you to take it and scroll upwards a few messages, seeing how many there told him that if he did anything to you, that he would kill him. but.. you didn't have a single message from him. not one.

"huh.." you sighed, realizing that perhaps, he didn't trust you. perhaps he was playing one big game with you. perhaps..

"dazai, i feel sick." he glanced up from his phone to look at you with concern, his gaze following you as you moved towards the bathroom.

you fell to your knees, holding your head above the toilet, beginning to heave. this was dazais cue to get up and head towards you, rubbing your back.

"shit," he had to look away momentarily as you threw up. "what could've caused this?" he silently watched as tears fell down your face. you always hated throwing up.

he sighed, "you were with chuuya all day, right?" you nodded in response. "maybe i-i should call him- did you eat something bad?"

you sat up, wiping your mouth against the sleeve of your shirt. "we didn't eat when we were out." you looked at him with shame.

his head cocked, eyes wide, and his mouth held agape. "you haven't eaten today?" his hands rested on his knees. "have you been skipping meals?" you sighed, gaze falling to your legs. your whole body shook.

nodding in response, too embarrassed to form coherent sentences. "shit.." he sighed.

"does the angry red-head know?" he scoffed, feeling proud that he was the only one who knew.

"he doesn't." you sighed, "i didn't want to add more stress to his plate." you leaned back against the tub, knees up to your chest with him sitting beside you. "it's.. not as bad as you think it is." you gave him a half smile, "i have been eating. just.. less than i should be eating."

"jesus.. [f/n].." his hands ran through his hair as he huffed, "do you have-" you sighed, opening your mouth to cut him off. "an eating disorder? no, i think i'm fine. i eat any other time, but if i miss a meal, i don't bother to eat until the next one." you shrugged.

the air was thick in the room, having nothing to converse about other than you having problems.

"wait, so why did you throw up if you haven't eaten?" he questioned, his eyes meeting yours with a small smile.

you shrugged. "probably at the revelation that my boyfriend doesn't trust me." scoffing at the earlier memory, "probably just being overwhelmed."

the cold tile underneath the both of you suddenly felt colder, the air getting thicker as the both of you sat in comfortable silence, only the noise of the two of you breathing filling the room.

"so, how about yourself? you seeing anyone?" you winked at him with stupidity behind it, earning yourself a quiet laugh from him. "nah. but there is someone i have my eyes on. she's quite beautiful."

suddenly becoming intrigued, you leaned closer to him. "who is she? what does she look like?"

he shrugged, "shes goes to another school, i don't think you know her." he sighed, "but she's.. amazing. and she's so fucking pretty, but she doesn't give herself enough credit."

your eyes rolled so far back you were certain that you could see your brain. "c'mon, atleast give me a name!"

the gears turned in his head as he debated on whether or not he should tell you, before ultimately coming up with a decision.

"nah."

he always did like watching your reactions when he annoyed you.

-

the next morning came quick, not remembering falling asleep, although you knew for a fact that dazai stayed the night, so the million dollar question of the day; where is dazai?

although, that didn't bother you so much.

what bothered you, was how you woke up in chuuyas room.

he must've heard you stir, "good morning." he sat down on the bed beside you, "dazai brought you over here this morning. said you were sick last night." his hand reached for your face, feeling your forehead for any warmth or sign of illness.

"i'm alright. just felt overwhelmed." you sat up, shrugging at him. "where did he go?" although you were still annoyed at chuuya, it was impossible to stay mad at him. he always found a way to fix it. "went in for work." he handed you a glass of water from his side of the bed, the cup itself was cold, as was the water inside of it.

"in his condition?" you sighed. "he never learns.." mentally cursing him out in your head, sipping on the water slowly. "it was pretty bad, chuuya. he looked like he was going to cry when i bandaged him up."

"no shit, he was trying to get better. he sees failure as a reason to be punished." he scoffed, "whatever he failed at, he punished himself."

he flopped down on the bed beside you, scoffing to himself. "i didn't sleep, y'know. too nervous that dazai was going to try anything with you."

you laughed slightly, "nah. we just got really fucking high together." grinning towards him, "it was fun."

he shot you the finger. why did you get high with everyone but him anyways?