𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝘾𝘼𝙏 𝙄𝙉 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙃𝘼𝙏, 𝘤𝘩𝘶𝘶𝘺𝘢. 𝘯

𝙏𝙃𝘼𝙉𝙆 𝙔𝙊𝙐 ; 𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙮-𝙩𝙬𝙤

"shit, it's freezing out- why wouldn't you wear a jacket?" he tossed a jacked into your lap from the backseat. you glanced over at the man with teary eyes, shrugging. "christ.. what happened?" he put the car into drive, going to god knows where. "i don't.. even know." you wiped your eyes, trying to get rid of the sensation of tears dripping. "he fucking proposed, dazai." you sighed, "i don't want to get married.. shit," you gasped, trying your best to not send yourself into a panic attack. "i don't want to be the one responsible for his pain.."

you glanced inbetween him and the road, completely ignoring the fact that dazai didn't even have a license.

"fuck.. he proposed?" dazai knew how to play you like a fiddle. he already knew, and he certainly was going to play innocent.

"i love him. and.. i hurt him." you scoffed, "and this isn't the first time i've done it." your gaze focused down on your lap, starting to notice exactly how much you were shaking. "he tried to kill himself, dazai."

"don't blame yourself for that. he was depressed, that isn't your fault." he quickly cut in. but that's where he was wrong. it was your fault. he spiralled when you left. he tried to die, and that was on your conscience.  "what part of this.. do you not understand?" you rested your elbow against the cold window, your hand covering your mouth in the process.

"i get it. i really do. but he's his own person, it was his choice to even try. not yours. he was never your responsibility."

you only sighed in response, just wanting to stop talking about him at this point. you hurt him, and that's that. he forgave you the first time, but you weren't sure about this time.

"i'm going to take you back to my house for the time being. i'll take you in to the mafia tomorrow." he glanced over at you, and then back to the road. "i'm sure mori has a mission or something to keep you busy." you couldn't form sentences without breaking down, leading to you only nodding back to him.

he guided you inside once you arrived, as well, he handed you some clothes that were more comfortable. but he was larger than you, so they were quite big on you.

the two of you sat on his couch, some random show on the tv posing as background noise. a ding on your phone brought your attention back into reality, reaching beside you on the couch and grabbing it quickly, reading the notification.

of course.

it was chuuya, asking where you were and shit, and if you were okay. of course you weren't fucking okay. is he stupid?

you started typing away some sort of paragraph explaining why you said no, but dazai must've noticed, his hand gripped your wrist slightly, causing you to stop and look up at him beside you. "it's not worth it." he let go, watching you contemplate on sending it before ultimately backspacing the entire thing. just sending a little 'i'm fine' to restrict him from worrying too much.

"stop worrying." he grinned towards you, trying to cheer you up even the slightest bit. "says you." you gave him a half smile that even he could see that it was fake.

the two of you went back to watching the television in comfortable silence. dazai checked his phone every few minutes, obviously waiting for someone to text him. you could feel your eyes getting heavier and you getting tired, but you wanted to refuse sleep. in a way, you kind of deserved to be tired. chuuya certainly won't sleep, why should you? it was like a form of punishment to yourself.

you desperately wanted to ask dazai if you were in the wrong. you wanted him to tell you that everything was fine. and things would go back to normal by tomorrow morning. that this was all a dream.