Style (Chris Evans)

17

I try to keep myself busy for the next week, although with the 'Knives' promotional appearances now here it's hard to keep my mind off everything that has happened.
I've ended up crying myself to sleep more times than I can count and even though Chris has tried to call, I've let them go straight to voicemail.

Social media has been going nuts, to brink where I just want to deactivate it all, but I can't because that would be seen as defeat, and I need the platform for work purposes more than anything.

Guess I'll just have to take it all as it comes. Much like this week that I'll practically have to spend with Chris.

I'm in LA and even though the weather is sunny, I'm feeling anything but that. The anxiety of having to see Chris is creeping in and I know he'll be flying in today ready for the premiere and press conference tomorrow. He could already be here, I wouldn't know, I haven't spoken to him since last week.

This is going to be so damn awkward, I don't even know why I decided to see this through in the first place.

Because you're an adult and a professional.

Right now I feel like my teenage self just gearing up for another day of hoping to be invisible.

But I can't be with him. Not now.

I'm no longer that to anyone because my face is all over the fucking media. The anger is still simmering inside of me, but I need to extinguish it. What's happened has happened, and now if no one else wants to move on then it looks as though I'm gonna have to try for the sake of my sanity.

There's a knock at the door and I head over to answer it, seeing Chris standing there outside.

"Hi" I say, trying to act normally - or at least as normal that I can be.

"Hey..." he pauses, "you er, said you needed to check the fit of the suit on me?"

I nod. "Oh, yeah I did - come in", now stepping aside to let him in and mentally kicking myself for choosing this as a career path. Walking into the room I grab the suit and show him, reverting back to professional mode. "So we're going with white, a rather pure move considering you play an asshole, but considering you've not worn this colour before I think you can pull it off.

Who am I kidding? He could pull off wearing anything as well as wearing nothing at all.

"I haven't steamed it yet so if you just..." I begin and he nods.

"Sure thing". And goes to get changed.

Once he's wearing it he comes out and I awkwardly look away, hoping that he doesn't think that I'm staring at him. I straighten the jacket out and quickly check a few things. "How does it feel?"

"Yeah, comfy..." The silence is deafening before he breaks it again. "So...we done here?"

Why do I feel like this question isn't about the fitting and is more about the elephant in the room.

I nod. "Yeah..." my voice quiet, "we're done".

With the confirmation that he needs, he nods and goes to get changed back into his normal clothes again. "Right, so guess I'll see you in the morning?" He says and makes for the door.

"Yeah, I'll see you then". I say as I see him out, cursing on the inside as I close it on us. If today was painful then tomorrow will be exactly the same.

**

The silence that is hanging in the air the next morning is thick from the moment I enter Chris's suite. I know there are eyes on me, and not just his, but I carry on as normal regardless.
Conversation is brief, and short. In fact the whole experience itself is pretty painful so far.

Chris comes out from getting changed and I do my usual last minute adjustments, making sure everything is perfection.

"I swear you do this on purpose". I sigh as I redo his tie, something I always seem to have to do when it comes to these things.

"It only looks good when you do it". He says, somewhat crestfallen in tone.

My eyes flicker up and meet with his. Something is still there, and I knew it would be. It's going to take a while to even try and get over this.

"There...perfect..." I tell him quietly as I finish redoing the tie and step away, noting one of his arms drop from where I'm sure he wanted to wrap it around my waist.

This stings.

"Are we done?" Megan asks and I've never been more thankful to have her interrupt.

"Yeah, he's good to go". I resume the professional poker face and glance to him. "Have a good day..."

"Thanks Lil". He says as he goes to the door with Megan and security. "Oh, I've left something for you in the side over there. See you soon".

With everyone vacating the room, I walk over and find a pen on the side table, the lump in my throat grows bigger, because we both know that this is going to be the last one.