Escape - Wilbur angst

Chapter 23 - I promised I wouldn't

It's the beginning of an arc

TWs

Selfharm (cutting), mentions of ED

Wilbur sat sobbing quietly in his room. He wanted to; he really did. But he had promised to never go down that road, so why was he fighting against it?

The itching on his wrists increased, he needed some kind of release. Over the years he had grown attached to the pain. It scared him, yes, but it was something familiar. Something he had gotten used to over the years.

It would hide him from all the other problems, he would no longer have to focus on what his mind was experiencing. 

And now, he had a lot of them.

He slowly made his way to the bathroom; Techno was fast asleep on the mattress next to the bed.

Wilbur quietly looked through the shelfs, looking for something he could use. An unopened razor caught his eye. There's no way Phil would notice if only one was missing, right?

He unwrapped it, staring at the glistening metal. Memories of the night he met Phil came crashing. He slid down the wall, placing the blade against his wrist. Was he really about to do this?

He thought about Techno, he had stopped him from hurting himself before, does that mean it was bad? Of course it was, he was going to cut his wrists.

With a short breath he moved his hand to the side, eyes tearing up slightly at the burning pain. A second passed of nothingness before the line turned red, blood seeped through the cracks and down his arm.

One more joined his arm, then another, and another. A knock on the door brought him back.

"Wilbur?" Phil whisper-yelled from the other side.

"U-uh yeah, I'll be done in a minute!" panic laced his voice. He couldn't be seen like this. He quickly stood up and placed his arm under the faucet, letting the water stop the bleeding a little. 

He then looked around for bandages, and to his relief there was a whole roll. He bandaged his arm up, pulling the sleeve down and placed the razor in his pocket before unlocking the door. A worried Phil looked down at him.

"Sorry, didn't mean to worry you..." Wilbur apologised. 

"It's okay, I'm just happy you're not hurt." Phil smiled. Wilbur returned it. If only Phil knew.

Wilbur went back to his bedroom, being careful not to step on Techno. As he laid down guilt washed over him. He wanted to tell Techno, to reach out for help. But then Techno would stop him from doing it.

And he felt better now that he had harmed himself, he felt lighter in a way. So he didn't want to lose this comfort.

He closed his eyes, but sleep didn't come easy.

A quiet knock woke him up. Techno groaned and sat up. 

Phil opened the door, smiling sympathetically at his sons. "Right, time to get up. You can go back to sleep if you'd like Will."

Wilbur just shook his head and stood up. He placed his hands in the pockets of his sweats, quickly pulling his hand back as he slightly cut himself on the blade.

The three of them walked downstairs, sat down at the table, and began eating. Well, everyone except Wilbur.

He still felt guilty about the cutting thing, his appetite had left him. 

Phil sighed and looked over at Wilbur.

"What would you like to eat this morning? I have to grab some things at work today so I'll be gone till like... three? And I want to make sure you've eaten enough in case you decide to skip lunch." 

Wilbur shook his head. "Not hungry, sorry. I'll just... eat extra at lunch."

"Wilbur, you know I can't do that. I'm sorry, but you have to eat. I'll make you some porridge." Phil said, whispered curses were heard from Wilbur.

"Here you go." A bowl was placed on the table along with a spoon.

He scoffed at the food, but picked up the spoon nonetheless. "Fuckin' bullshit..." he mumbeled. Techno glanced at him and Phil rolled his eyes.

His brother must've realised that something was wrong, because his eyebrows furrowed as he stared at the other.

Wilbur glared back at Techno. "Something wrong, Techno Watson?" he spat. Techno just snorted a laugh before continuing his breakfast.

"Boys, please. Actually, Will, I have a question." Phil spoke up. Wilbur looked up at the adult and made a 'go ahead' sign. "Would you feel ready going back to school? You wouldn't be allowed PE, but still."

Wilbur dropped the spoon. "I- I don't..." his breathing picked up. He didn't like school. He felt exposed, it was way too many people and too much noise. Teachers that would yell and kids that would fight in the corridor.

"Wilbur, breathe..." Techno reminded him and Wilbur took a deep breath.

"I know, I know. I was thinking you stay at home the rest of this week, then the next you start going again. Techno will be with you and if you ever need a break, that's okay." Phil reasoned. Wilbur looked around helplessly, flinching back slightly when Techno pulled him into a soft hug.

He nodded in defeat; he could try.

He quietly went back to eating, swallowing the food as if it was poison. 

After he finished the plate he sat still, staring down at the table. He knew he wasn't allowed to leave.

"Wilbur, would you want to come upstairs with me while I get ready?" Techno asked. He sighed before standing up and following his brother upstairs.

"So, how come you're this... distant today? I mean, no offense, but something isn't right." Techno said. Wilbur thought for a second. Would he tell him and reveal his secret? It would be best to.

"Can we... talk when you get home..?" Wilbur asked. Shit, why did he initiate it!?

Techno looked at him with a concerned face. "Yeah, of course."

Well fuck.

YOU KNOW THE "Wilbur, breathe..." PART??? SO THIS MONDAY IT WAS FRIST DAY BACK AFTER BREAK AND A LOT OF THINGS HAPPENED SO I WAS NEARING A MELTDOWN IN LUNCH, AND MY TEACHER SAID THAT, I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

(platonic)

- Bread