Escape - Wilbur angst

Chapter 38 - The downfall

This one is lazy, soz

TWs

Selfharm, mentions suicide

He tossed and turned in his bed, brain unable to focus on anything else other than the blade across his skin. One month, he had gone one whole month since he had last cut himself. He wanted to keep going, but the sleepless nights were not worth it.

He slowly stood up, careful not to make any noise. Upon entering the bathroom he locked the door behind him.

Or so he thought.

He searched through the room, looking for anything sharp enough. A nailclipper caught his eye. It had one of those sharp little knives on it. A small smile formed on his face, finally he would be able to relish in the little red lines.

In a haze of satisfaction, he sat down on the floor, back pressed against the wall. The sharp blade made contact with his skin, and he dragged it to the side. A small line formed and it quickly turned red.

But since the world was out to get him, or help him, Techno had woken up. He knew about everyone's schedules and habits, and going to the bathroom at night was not one of Wilbur's. This caused him to wake up, it was clear which door had been opened.

He walked calmly to the bathroom, inside he heard a small hiss followed by a content sigh, and he knew what he would see on the other side of the door. He knocked on the door three times, three quiet sounds. 

It caught the attention of Wilbur who looked up in horror. He knew someone was onto him, and considering the person on the other side was trying to be quiet it was clearly Techno.

The door opened a second later, and a disappointed Techno stood before him. Wilbur bowed his head, he knew he'd fucked up.

"I'm sorry... I just- the withdrawals are just-" he made a futile attempt at explaining himself.

His brother just stared at him. "Will you- you could've talked to us." Techno said. Wilbur just nodded in shame. "I know." he whispered under his breath.

"Should I get Phil?"

Wilbur stared at him, horror in his face. "No! Please don't he- he'll be so disappointed." It was more of a beg, not really an answer. "Look, I'll have to tell him anyway, and he's way better at this than I am." Techno explained.

The younger just looked at his arm, one red line. He needed more. Techno seemed to notice what the other was thinking. "No, Will it's not- you don't have to." 

"But I do! You don't- you don't understand, I have to!" he whined. He looked so tired, so spent and so close to just giving up. He needed his brother, more than anything. Techno stepped forward and kneeled before his brother, opening up his arms.

Wilbur jumped into the other's arms, hugging him back. No tears fell, he couldn't cry. It was painful to live like this, he didn't want to live like this.

Sure, he had a loving family, and he was happy for once, but he couldn't live like this.

"I don't... I don't think I can live like this." he admitted. Techno pulled him in tighter, but Wilbur wasn't done yet. "I'm really thankful for all of you, but I- I don't want to keep going. All I've done is fuck shit up for myself and others."

His brother shook his head. "Don't say that. You'll get better, you can do this." he reassured. But to no avail. "I can't Tech, I'm ready to give up."

Panic started building up in Techno. "Please don't. Just- you can't leave me. Or Phil, or Schlatt." Wilbur melted into the hug, his whole body weight on Techno who had to lean against a wall. "Let's- let's get to sleep, okay? We can talk tomorrow."

Wilbur shook his head. "I'm jus' gon' go for a walk." he slurred. It was clear he was way too tired to do anything, but he kept persistent. He made an attempt at standing up, but his tired body betrayed him.

Techno was quick to catch him before he fell, and slowly led him back to his room. "Tech I'm fine~" he dragged out the 'i' for more effect. Techno just rolled his eyes. "You're tired Wilbur, and not thinking straight. Come on now."

Wilbur was led into his bedroom and practically fell onto the bed. He fell asleep instantly, his dark eyebags being visible. 

Techno knew he was supposed to leave, but he couldn't. What his brother had just confessed weighed heavily on his shoulders.

He sat on the other's chair, keeping his broken gaze on the sleeping boy. Techno no longer felt tired, he was wide awake. Every time he tried closing his eyes to fall asleep intrusive visions of the other on his bed with blood pouring down his arms and onto the floor and bed.

Time passed and the sun was slowly rising. Techno had only gotten a few minutes extra sleep, and was tired. Though the beautiful light from the sunrise made him feel as though MAYBE it was all worth it.

Thankfully it was just Sunday, which meant he didn't have to worry about the sleep he'd lost. But he did have to talk to Phil, and that was something entirely different. There was movement outside, of course Phil was an early waker.

He walked out of the room and downstairs. Phil looked up at him, his face going from confusion to worry. "Holy- Techno, I don't mean to be rude, but you look terrible." he said.

Techno just looked at him. "I uh, couldn't sleep. Listen, we need to talk about Wilbur."

Phil's face dropped, maybe he could sense what had happened. "Of course, but would you like some coffee before?" he offered. Techno nodded in appreciation. He always felt more grounded if he had something to sip on during stressful situations.

Phil prepared himself a cup of coffee and his son an iced latte. Techno refused to drink anything else.

They sat down at the sofa. "Okay, I'm all ears."

Techno took a sip of his coffee and sighed contently. "So first of all, he relapsed last night. I woke up to him going into the bathroom and when I entered, he had cut himself. Only once though." he began.

Phil furrowed his eyebrows but remained silent.

"And then he- he told me he wanted to die." his breath hitched. "Or well not really, but he said, 'I don't want to live like this, I'm ready to give up'." 

The adult's eyes gleamed in horror. "He wants to kill himself..?" Phil whispered. Techno shrugged. "Didn't say that, but I'm guessing that's what he meant. Mumbled something about going for a walk."

"Oh fuck..." Phil said under his breath. Techno looked at his father in confusion. "Right, sorry. When I first found Wilbur, he was trying to kill himself on the beach. I think 'going for a walk' means going back and... y'know."

Techno nodded in understanding.

"You did a very good job, Techno. I'm very proud of you." Phil praised. Techno smiled and continued drinking his coffee.

I'm gonna kms, I have a German presentation tomorrow, and my social anxiety says no. Undiagnosed 'tism and selective mutism go brrrrrrr

I didn't have time to do it lmao

OKAY I DID IT TODAY AND IT WENT OKAY I GUESS. MY TEACHER WAS HAPPY SO YEAH

- Bread