new kid [lashton au]

Two

Word count: 1128

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[LUKE'S POV]

As I left chemistry class I couldn't help but think about Ashton. He was so damn handsome and seemed like a good person. He didn't judge me and he seems like a cool guy. But then again, how should I know what he's doing behind my back. 

I stayed in the cafeteria for around 20 minutes and just played on my phone. Most people were out of the school so it should be safe now. I went to the washroom and grabbed the thing I hate a lot out of my bag. "Normal boy clothes". Basketball shorts and a t-shirt with a random team on it. I'm not saying that the clothing is bad, I just don't like it and don't feel comfortable in it. I'm not trans and I like being a guy. I just like "girl clothes" better. 

Clothes don't have genders, okay?

But my parents wouldn't be happy if they saw me in what I like to wear so I quickly changed and stuffed my clothes into my bag. Then, I quickly ran out of the school, not wanting to be seen by anyone.

I popped my headphones in and walked home. Thinking about Ashton.

I know I'm gay but I've never felt anything like this. I never feel anything about girls. I do sometimes feel like a desire for boys but nothing ever sparked something in me like Ashton did. He makes me nervous even though he seems so chill and was relaxed. He seemed like he cares.

I feel like I want to marry him, mark him as mine and him to mark me as his. I want to talk to him more. I just feel like I need to hear his voice again. I feel like I need to see him again. I feel like he's a drug I already got addicted to. If I ever got a picture of him, I wouldn't be able to stop looking at it. Something about him just makes me feel weak and desperate. 

I need to stop thinking this way and chill out. We've only just met and I already feel like tomorrow morning I'm going to wake up with my little friend in my pants wanting attention.

But how can I stop? I have nothing else to think about and he just seems perfect. Yes, I've been saying 'seems' for everything about him because I don't trust anything or anyone from first impressions. People are way too good at being fake.

I tried clearing my mind and just enjoying autumn. It's warm but not too hot. There's a scent to it and it gives me tingles. Not like how Ashton does. Stop, don't think about him. The walk between the school and my house is around 25 minutes which is a bit longer than my other school which was around 15 minutes. But it's a lot more relaxing than you think. It also gives me time to think about whatever I want. So, I'm just going to stop restricting my mind and think about Ashton. I wonder where he lives. I wonder If he walks, drives, takes public transit, gets driven or whatever. I wonder how he gets to school. I wonder what his favourite colour is.

I have an idea. Things I want to ask him.
- Favorite colour
- Favorite music
- Favorite subject
- Favorite season
- Favorite thing to do in his free time
- Hobbies
- Future job
- Interests

God, I'm getting obsessed.

I just need to figure out what I really want to know. And why? Why suddenly do I feel the need to know about this new boy that I met today. 

But I can't get too close to him. I don't want to hurt him. It's only me. But if he finds out it will also be him and I can't do it to anyone.

My past is something I won't tell anyone and I don't plan on saying anything about it. No one will understand. Maybe only my boyfriend will know. But no. Ashton can't be my boyfriend because that means I'll be doing it to him. And no, I don't mean having sex, I'm fine with that.

Luke. Stop. Please. Stop thinking this way. It's okay. You'll be okay. 

You aren't hurting Ashton. You won't hurt him. And if you stop won't hurt anyone.

Just stop thinking about it. It'll be fine.

Okay. Breathe. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. There.

Okay, I have a chance to see Ashton 3 times a day and maybe even more in the halls. I wish I could know where he lived though. And not in a creepy way, I just would want to walk home with him if we lived close. And maybe later we could go to each other's houses to work on homework and stuff. Trust me, I don't want to know where he lives in a weird way.

I won't be able to know where he lives though since I left so late from school and will probably be leaving late always. And leaving my house earlier so I can get to school before a lot of people see me and I can change my clothes. It seems extra and I could have an extra almost 40 minutes if I didn't change but I like the clothes that I like and at school I'm without my parents so I feel more free.

School has been good for now. The first day and no one made any comments about how I dress. In my first 2 classes some people looked at me and same in the halls but that is a great reaction compared to what I'm used to. In chemistry everyone seemed scared to look at me and almost seemed jelous. It's like Ashton did something to them. I won't be surprised. He seems like the kid that would rule the school. But why was he alone during lunch then? It doesn't matter. 

I'll see him tomorrow hopefully. 

It's almost like he is making me want to go to school. I just want more of his beauty.

My parents shouldn't be home for a few more hours so when I unlocked the door and heard my parents I got scared. I grabbed my binder with my homework and some more worksheets that I made to make it seem like I have more work. I went to my room and just listened to music for a few hours. It's crazy how I get so easily consumed by music. It's a different universe that I could easily stay in for forever.

Now I just need to eat dinner with my parents and then I'll go to bed. Don't do anything else.

The day is almost over, I can make it.