new kid [lashton au]

Twenty three

It starts right where the last chapter leaves off.

Word count: 1186

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"Luke?"

[LUKE'S POV]

God, just focus for once. My thoughts keep getting in the way and I can't control them. I need help. That's probably why I'm here.

"S-sorr-y"

I was choking on my words and that was the only thing I was able to get out.

"Hey, man. It's okay. You'll be okay. It's the state of shock, trust me, things will be okay. I'm Zack, I'll be your doctor while your here."

He sounded nice and his voice was soothing. I felt safe around Zack.

Me: "W-why a-am I l-like th-this?"

Zack: "Like what?"

Me: "Messed up in the head."

Zack: "You're not."

Me: "You don't know."

Zack: "It takes time."

Me: "I'm scared."

Zack: "Of what?"

(A/N: *IMPORTANT* The next paragraph of Luke talking is him explaining how he feels on the inside; depressed and not okay. It may be a bit triggering so you can just skip it. He just explains how he doesn't want to continue. After that, Zack and Luke are having a conversation about how Luke feels and Zack shows Luke his scars. Zack talks about his attempt(s) to end life. You'll see some bold text once it's over if you choose to skip.)

Me: "Scared of everything. But at the same time, I feel numb. I don't like this place. I don't like anywhere or anything, really. I want to die. I want to cut myself. I want to kill someone, someone being myself. I want to kill myself. Hang myself, stab myself, overdose on drugs and never have to open my eyes again. I just want everything to stop. I'm spiralling again and I don't want to continue doing this again. I was "better" or whatever people think but not anymore. I was never better. I just didn't cut myself for like a week or more. I still wanted to die. I still want to die. I just want to be done. Nothing I say will make anyone understand. I'm a burden and I don't care if you chose to be here or not, you don't deserve for me to spill my feelings on you. You have your own things to deal with too."

I was a crying mess at this point but Zack seemed to understand and he was calm.

Zack: "I understand, that's why I'm here. To help."

He pulled up his sleeves to reveal both of his wrists covered in very light scars, scars of him cutting I assumed. I looked at his face and his eyes showed nothing but sympathy as he looked into my watery ones.

Zack: "I did those to myself. I was around your age too, it was happening for a few years. I decided to be done with everything and I went to the roof of my apartment. Someone else was there. A police officer. When I got up, I was alone. After a while, I heard a small voice and it was him. He said words that changed my life, literally. If he hadn't talked, I wouldn't have known he was there. I was getting ready to jump but he talked. These words saved me. "Just wait a minute, please. Give me one minute, even if it's your last." He walked up to me and carried me from the edge. He showed me his scars since he saw mine, mine were bleeding. I cut one last time before I climbed up there that day. Those cuts weren't my last, but that was my last attempt. I had a few other attempts but those times no one was there. This time, he was there, if he wasn't, I wouldn't be here. I want you to know, I'm here for you. I want you here, I'm not the only one who cares about you, okay?"

(The triggering stuff is done for this chapter)

We were both crying at this point though Zack wasn't crying as hard as I was.

Me: "C-can I-I hug y-you? M-more l-like can y-you hug m-me?"

Zack: "Of course."

He didn't question it and before I knew it his arms were holding me, strong and protective. After a solid few minutes, I spoke, not pulling away yet.

Me: "T-thank you."

Zack: "Thank you for being strong and being here. We'll continue together?"

Me: "Mhm."

After a bit, I slowly pulled apart and so did he.

Me: "Thanks. I needed that, it means a lot."

Zack: "No problem, I know. I have another thing that, from what I understood, you may also need."

Me: "What?"

Zack: "I'll get him."

Me: "Is it Ashton?"

He didn't reply, instead, he smiled at me and went to the door. He opened it and I was alone for a bit. But it was less than a minute before the door opened and someone walked into my room.

"ASHTON!"

"Hey Luke!"

Ashton walked into my room and I held my arms open, signalling I wanted to invite him into a hug. He hugged back and we stayed like that for a bit as he sat down on my bed. I pulled back a bit and so did he. He wrapped one arm around my shoulder though.

[A: ASHTON    L: LUKE]

A: "How's your foot?"

L: "Not bad."

A: "How are you?"

L: "Okay?"

A: "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, just know, I understand and am here for you."

L: "I mean, I told you before and I don't really know what to say. It's the same but I want to get better."

A: "Okay."

L: "I missed you even though it hasn't been long."

A: "Today must've felt long."

L: "You know?"

A: "About what? They've kinda told me most things."

L: "My parents. And Niall. And dreams. God, today feels way too long."

A: "I'm sorry you have to go through this."

L: "You didn't do anything. You've only helped me, actually."

A: "I'm glad. I want you to know I love you always okay? And I'll always be there for you, no matter what,"

L: "Thank you. I know I'm the one admitted to a mental ward, but I'm happy to listen to you. After all, I'm the one who has therapy."

A: "I do too."

L: "Wait, what?"

A: "I've been going for around 3 years, since I had to start taking care of my siblings."

L: "You okay?"

A: "Yes, Lukey, I'm good. I promise, okay?"

L: "Okay."

A: "I love you, I'll see you later."

L: "I love you too. But why do you have to leave?"

A: "I don't know, they told me I only can talk to you for a few minutes. I'm sorry."

L: "Oh, it's okay. Thanks for coming. I love you."

A: "I love you too. Bye!"

L: "Bye!"

We shared a quick hug and Ashton left. I felt happy when he was here, but now I felt a sudden emptiness and sadness. I miss him already.