I look at myself in the mirror. How am I so fat? I can hardly eat anything. My body must be rejecting to the lack of exercise. I cover myself with a hoodie to hide my stomach. I get Miley ready for school and I'm feeling really odd today. I feel really clammy.
"Mommy, are you okay?" I nod. I need to get her to school. I take her hand and walk to the door. "Mommy, you forgot my bag." I blink sheepishly. She let's go of my hand and runs to get her bag. She comes to me and leads me out the apartment. I lock the door and we walk to the elevator.
I get my phone out and compose a message.
ME- Are you free today? X
JAX- Sure, babe. Where shall I meet you? X
ME- My place? X
JAX- See you there. X
I clutch tight to Miley, I'm not feeling 100% and I need to keep her close. She talks to me as we walk to the school but I'm not really registering what she's saying even though I'm trying. When we reach the school I hug her, "I love you, see you later."
"Bye Mommy," she runs into the building and I sigh with relief that she got to the school safely. Rex whines at me and I pat him. I make my way back to the apartment and I splash my face with water in the kitchen. Hell, I don't feel good.
I run to the bathroom and I vomit. Christ, when will this end? I hear the door go and I flush the chain and rinse my mouth with the mouthwash. I walk to the front door and Jax smiles at me when I open the door. He kisses my lips and I smile.
I move out the way so he can come in, "You okay babe?"
"I feel like utter crap," I admit. I shut the door and my vision starts getting blurry. My ears start ringing so loud. I hear Rex whining and I lose consciousness.
"Riley," I hear Jax. My body shakes, "Riley!" I blink, opening my eyes and I'm met with Jax holding me on the floor. "Damn it, Riley, you scared me." I lift my hand up and stroke his cheek. Rex licks my face and I push him off me.
"What happened?" Jax sits me up and I hold my head.
"You fainted. Call your GP Riley, you said it yourself you were feeling ill. What if Miley had been here?" I nod and pull my phone out my back pocket. I dial the Doctors surgery.
"Hello, Martin's Doctor's Surgery how can I help?" the lady says.
"Hi, I need to make an appointment."
"Can you tell me what you need it for so I can assess the urgency?"
"Well, I'm feeling really ill and I fainted. I haven't been right for a while." Probably not since Flynn left me if I'm honest.
"Okay, can you get here for 11am?"
Wow, maybe I am classed as urgent, "Sure," I nod even though they can't see me.
"What's your name?"
"Riley Blake," I hear her typing on the screen.
"Okay, that's all booked in for you. See you later," I thank her and hang up.
"11 am," I say to Jax and he helps me to my feet and guides me to the couch. He walks to the couch and he sits next to me. He walks to the kitchen and pours me some water from the tap.
"K, I'm taking you, babe," I roll my eyes as he returns to me with the water. I sip on it and he checks the temperature on my forehead with his hand.
"Honestly, there's no need," I take another sip.
"Honestly, babe, I'm taking you." I grin at his mocking tone. "Are you feeling any better?" I nod. "Good," he grabs my legs and rests them on his lap. Once it's time to leave we walk to the car park. We climb in his small Audi sports car. His Dad bought it for him when he turned 21 recently as a thank you for being a great manager at the ice rink.
The engine purrs to life and he drives towards the doctor's surgery. I sign in at reception and Jax sits next to me. I start bobbing my leg, tapping my foot on the floor and he places his hand on my knee. "Calm down babe."
"Do you think it's my heart? Do you think they will take Miley away from me?"
"What and take her away from the best thing that ever happened to that kid? I don't think so," he reassures me. "It's going to be fine," he kisses my forehead.
"Thank you," I look at him.
"For what?"
"Being here, being a great friend."
"You'd do the same for me," he shrugs. I would, in a heartbeat.
"Riley Blake?" A woman says and I stand up. I look at Jax who's stayed in his chair.
"You want me to come with you?" he frowns. I nod and he jumps to his feet. He slides his hand in mine and we walk into the directed room. The Doctor sits at her desk and I sit down where she kindly points to.
"Hi, I'm Doctor Barlow. How can I help you today?"
"I've been feeling unwell for a while. I fainted today and I worry I'll faint in front of my daughter."
"Okay, describe your symptoms."
"Well, I've been vomiting a lot. I can't keep anything down. I feel so tired all the time, I worry it's my heart. I have heart disease so maybe it's that."
"Have you been under any stress?"
"I wouldn't say stress but my ex makes me physically sick. I know that he's sometimes the problem."
"Explain please."
"When I see him with his girlfriend I can't handle it and I'm sick."
"Do you think you are suffering from depression?"
"I'm not here about my depression! I probably have been for a long time but I deal with it!"
"How are you dealing with it, Riley? So you admit you are depressed?"
"Since my accident, I have been. Then my ex made me happy. I was fine, I adopted my little girl and it's been fine and then he left me for my friend. I just went to how I was before him. Dead inside, I stay strong for my daughter."
"Have you thought about counselling?"
"Yes and I'm not doing it! You think I'm pining over my ex and that's why I fainted?" I growl and Jax holds my hand.
"No, I don't, I'd like to do some test but it won't be helping." She slides her chair towards me. "Can you remove your hoodie please?" I do as she says and she frowns at me. She listens to my heart carefully. "Have you been taking your heart medication, Riley?"
"Yes," I nod.
"But you can't keep anything down?"
"No," I confirm. "My heart is normally elevated."
"That's not what I'm worried about, it's abnormal. If you are vomiting the medication isn't working. Riley, do you think you could be pregnant?"
I glare at her and she removes the stethoscope, "No, I can't get pregnant!" Way to dig in the knife at twist it.
"Can you stand up for me?" I stand up and she lifts my top and presses on my stomach.
"I got fat," I growl.
She lifts my top higher examining my body. "You aren't fat, Riley." She lets my top go and covers my belly, she gets up and walks to a drawer. She comes back with a pee pot. "Can you give me a urine sample please?" I snatch the pot from her.
"I'll prove to you I'm not pregnant!" I growl and storm out of the room and slam the door. I walk to the bathroom and pee in the pot. Fucking stupid doctor thinking I'm pregnant but I'll humour her. I walk back into the room and place the pot on her desk and sit back down. I replace the hoodie as I'm cold as usual.
"Have you had unprotected sex Riley?"
"Not for a while, I told you I can't get pregnant." Well, I did on Flynn's birthday but I've been ill way before then.
"When was the last time you had a period?" She dips the stick in whilst she's talking to me.
I think about it, well it has been months but I don't get them regularly. "Umm, before Christmas, I guess. But I don't get regular periods."
"What's the longest time between periods?"
"Umm, a few months. Look, I'm not pregnant, it's not possible." She takes the stick out and places it on the table. We wait a few minutes and she picks the stick up. "I told you I'm not pregnant," I say when she examines the stick.
"Riley," she shows me the stick. "You are pregnant, I'd say about 5 months." My mouth drops open and I stand up and hold my stomach.
"No," I gasp. Jax stands up and holds my shoulders, "I can't be," I hold my head panicking. "Fuck, this isn't happening." Hey munchkin, I hold my tummy again.
"Calm down, Riley. You are pregnant but it's a little late for an abortion. You could consider adoption if this isn't what you want."
"You think I could kill his baby or get rid of it?" I growl. She nods and I continue to hold my tummy. Jax hugs me and I cry, I wanted this before. How can I tell Flynn I'm pregnant whilst he's happy with Scarlett? Christ.
Scarlett did forgive him in the end. It took a couple of weeks but she did.
"Riley, I need to go over this with you. Can you sit down please?" I hold my face trying to get myself under control. I sit down but I can't keep the tears at bay. "I am going to prescribe you some anti-sickness medication. You need to start taking some vitamins. It's too late to take folic acid. If you can't keep food down after the medication you need to come back and see me. I will refer you for a scan."
I nod speechless. "You need plenty of rest Riley, are you sleeping enough? I believe you fainted because of the strain on your heart so I'm going to refer you to a specialist. It's abnormal, I need you to keep those meds down." I nod, "I'm sure your boyfriend will help you with that."
"Oh, I'm not her boyfriend but I'll look after her," Jax says and she types on her screen and something is printing. What am I going to say to Flynn? Oh, well, look, you know I promised you I can't get pregnant? Well, it turns out I can and I am. Oh, fucking hell. Jax takes the slip of paper and helps me to my feet. I hold my stomach, how did I not know you were in there little one?
Jax continues to pull me towards the exit. Once we are outside he stops and looks at me. "Are you okay babe?"
"What am I going to tell him? He's going to freak. I told him I couldn't and he trusted me."
"Flynn is a reasonable guy, babe. It was an accident, I'm sure he will understand."
"Flynn doesn't know the definition of reasonable where I'm concerned."
Jax laughs, "Maybe you're right. Let's get your prescription and I'll take you home." I nod and he slides his hand in mine. He leads me to the chemist joining the building and they get my order ready.
ME- I need to speak to you.
FLYNN- Is Miley okay?
ME- Yes. Where are you?
FLYNN- Home.
They hand me my prescription and vitamins I asked for. I scan my card and Jax takes my hand again. "You're so cold, babe." We climb in his car and he turns the heating on.
"I'm always cold. You're always warm," I smile and he laughs. I always put my cold feet on him at night and it drives him insane but he never complains. He drives back to my apartment. He walks me to my door and his kisses my lips.
"Good luck," he says and leaves. I walk to Tyler's door and knock. I slide the meds in my hoodie pocket. Tyler opens the door and I walk in.
"Hey," he says. I scan the room and Flynn is on the sofa kissing Scarlett playfully on his lap.
"No babe, kids aren't on the cards for me. They aren't in my future," Flynn says. This is news, he never told me he didn't want kids. I almost felt like I was robbing him of something.
"You don't want kids? We need to get it all out in the open so I know what I'm signing up for," Scarlett says.
"No, I don't want kids. Not now, not ever. Please, Scar, I see you in my future please agree to move in with me," Flynn begs kissing her cheek playfully.
"Yes, I'll move in with you." She squeals and they kiss. I groan and hold my stomach.
"Sis, are you okay? What are you doing here?" I look at him and the tears flow. The churning starts in full force. Flynn looks at me and frowns. I push past Tyler and open the door. I run to my door and frantically try and open my door. I drop the keys and I curse.
"Fuck," I groan. I pick them up and manage to open my door.
"Riley?" Flynn calls. I shut the door on him and bolt my door so he can't get in. "You wanted to talk to me and now you're locking me out!" He pounds on the door and I run to the sink and I vomit. Christ, I need to take these meds.
How can I tell him now when he doesn't want kids. Once the nausea passes I slide to the floor. He really is moving on, how can I take away his happiness? I always thought he wanted kids but I guess I was wrong. Why would he risk unprotected sex if he's so adamant that he doesn't want kids? I can't tell him, he's happy.
I won't destroy the life he's building. I have no fucking clue what I'm doing. How am I going to hide this? I get up and I pull out the anti-sickness meds and I take them hoping I can keep them down. I hold my tummy, "I love you already. How could I not know? I should have known if I was a good mother," I sob. I always thought pregnancy would be a blessing but I'm terrified. I'm going through this alone.
FLYNN- What are you playing at now, Riley?
ME- Leave me alone!
FLYNN- What were you going to tell me!
ME- I need to cut all ties with you. I need it to be like we never existed.
FLYNN- What the fuck is going on? We can never forget what we were.
ME- I need to. I'm removing you from my life.
FLYNN- You can't remove me, you adopted my sister!
ME- Yes, I adopted her. Not you! We aren't lovers, friends or even family. We are nothing!
FLYNN- What the fuck is wrong with you?
I ignore him and sob for ages.
JAX- How did it go? I hope he fucked you to show his appreciation. X
ME- I couldn't tell him. X
JAX- You are going to though, right? x
ME- No. x
JAX- Shit babe, he deserves to know. X
ME- He doesn't want kids. I won't force it on him. X
JAX- So what happens when you pop the baby out. Oh hey, hottie it was an immaculate conception. X
ME- I don't know okay? I need time to figure this out. X
JAX- I'm here if you need anything. x
It's been a couple of days and I'm due for my heart appointment and my baby scan on the same day.
I'm sat in the waiting room of the heart specialist with Jax holding my hand. My leg bobbing frantically. "Damn babe, you're going to give yourself a heartache at this rate."
"What if there's something really wrong and they don't think I'm a fit mother?" I ask looking into his eyes.
"Babe, they can't do that. It's not your fault you have a dodgy heart. You're receiving treatment. It's not like you're ignoring it," I nod letting his words sink in. Well, it kinda is my fault I have a dodgy heart.
"Riley Blake," a woman calls. Jax stands up and I shake my head. Maybe I don't want to know.
"Babe, please. Do this for Miley," he counters. I nod but I still can't get up. He pulls me to my feet and literally drags me after the woman.
We enter a room and she asks me to get on the bed. She hooks me up to a machine. I grab Jax's hand to settle me. She runs her test for an hour and she comes back with the verdict.
"So your Gp updated me with what's been going on. Are you managing to keep your meds down?" I nod, "Good. We are a little concerned with your heart. I want to up your dose and go from there."
I nod taking it all in. "It's important that you keep the medication down Riley. If we can't we may have to consider other options."
"Other options?" Jax asks.
"Maybe a patch, or consider an ICD fitted." I nod again. "But if you keep taking the medication then your heart should sort itself out."
I nod. It's all I can do with the information. I'm so glad Jax is here to process the information because I'm certainly not. She wants to see me in two weeks to see if my heart settles down.
Jax pulls me to my next appointment. I need Flynn. That's what I need. I need him to tell me it's all going to be okay.
"Riley Blake," an older lady with a calming aura calls me. She has her brown her pinned into a ponytail. Grey hairs seeping through. I'd say she was around fifty.
I stand up and we follow her into a scanning room. I get onto the bed and she holds my hand. And the strange this is I don't stop her. "My name is Heidi, I'm your midwife. Any concerns I'm here."
I nod, swallowing hard. "Shall we see your baby?" I nod again. She lifts my top and squirts cold gel on my tummy. I shiver on impact.
Jax takes my hand as we both look expectantly at the screen. I hear the fluttering little heartbeat first and tears well in my eyes.
Heidi smiles at me and points to the screen. "Here's baby's heart beat. Toes, hands, face." I take it all in. Flynn should be here. "Do you want to know the sex?"
I shake my head, "No," I whisper. It will make it all the more real. I can't give myself that miracle of knowing the sex when I can't tell Flynn.
"Well, baby is healthy in there, Riley. I'd say 21.5 weeks. End of November conception."
I bite my lip and my eyes widen. That would have been when we said goodbye. For the second time. When I accepted it. For Miley. Man, this is some cruel twist of fate. It was never going to be goodbye.
Well, it was because he chose Scarlett. "Babe, I think you're remembering something dirty. Spill," he demands.
I look at him and try and contain my smile, "It would have been when we said goodbye, the second time. It was some pretty hardcore sex." I frown and look at Heidi. "Baby is okay though? I must have been pregnant went my ex attacked me."
I cup my tummy where there's no gel on. "He broke my ribs, strangled me. He could have hurt my munchkin," I whimper. "He even pulled me over a railing." I look to Jax in huge distress. "Jax."
He clutches tighter to my hand. "I'll do more test Riley but baby seems fine. If you were further along it might concern me but the baby was smaller then."
I nod trying to calm the hell down. "See babe, you're fine." He cups my tummy too. "And so are you, aren't you?" I smile and relax further.
"Are you Daddy?" Heidi asks.
He laughs, "No but I will be if she needs me to." He winks at me and I laugh.
"I haven't told the dad. He left me for my friend. He's happy, I heard him say he didn't want kids. How can I ruin his happiness?"
She nods and wipes my belly and slides my top down. "You need support but I'm glad you have Jax. Now we need to discuss your birth plan."
I nod as she discusses options. It's really hard as the people I want with me won't be there. "Jax," I say. "You'll be there right?"
"Of course babe."
"I'd like a home birth, I'd feel more comfortable at home."
"Riley as we discussed, you'd be better in hospital." I shake my head. "You're a stubborn one huh?"
Jax laughs, "Most stubborn person on the planet."
A couple of weeks pass and I'm no closer in tell Flynn. I call Tyler, "Sis?" he says confused. It's 8 pm and Miley is asleep.
"I need pickles and ice cream," I insist. My craving out weighs my resistance to push him out.
"You want me to go to the store this time of night because you want pickles and ice cream?" he groans.
"Yes, I need them. Please, Miley is asleep! I'll do anything," I beg.
"Dye your hair back." Does he really think pickles and ice cream warrants changing me?
"I can't do that, even if I wanted to." I hear him sigh. "Please Tyler."
"Fine, what flavour ice cream?"
"Mint," I beam.
"You don't like mint. In fact, you don't like pickles either."
"I do now, please," I whine.
"Okay, okay, see you soon." I hang up the phone and I hold my stomach.
"You crave some odd things little one." Rex rests his head on my stomach. He knew I was pregnant the day he met me. He kept poking my belly with his nose. I stroke his head with one hand and keep the other hand on my stomach. I watch the Tv until I hear the door opening. I cover myself with the blanket and Tyler walks in.
He comes towards me and passes me the ice cream and jar or pickles. I smile at him and he frowns. "Do you want a spoon?"
I shake my head, "I'm good." I open the ice cream and the jar of pickles. I scoop the ice cream with the pickle and bite the pickle.
"Eww, you're gross," he complains. I repeat the process and he gags. "I thought you'd eat them separately. Do you need anything else?"
"Can you take Rex for a walk please?" he groans.
"Fine," he sulks. "Rex, come here," Rex whines but jumps off the couch and goes to Tyler. He clips the lead on and he leaves my apartment. I continue eating my odd combination until I'm full. I get up and put the pickles in the fridge and the ice cream in the freezer.
I lay back on the sofa and I fall asleep. I wake to someone lifting me up. I open my eyes in a panic. "Calm down, you fell asleep on the sofa. I'm putting you in bed." Tyler says and I groan. "You're getting heavy." He lowers me on the bed. "You put the remote in the fridge, you weirdo." Christ, I shut my eyes and drift asleep.
I invite Ric over the next evening. I just can't do this with him anymore, whatever this was between us. I can't risk him finding out before Flynn does. I haven't had sex with him since Flynn and I'd like to stay clean.
The door goes and I get up. He grins at me and pounces. Crushing his lips to mine. I push him away after a minute, I'll let him have that one. I close the door and look at him.
I've never really had to end things with anyone before. "Ric, I've enjoyed what we were but I can't do this anymore. It's too hard. I'm not ready for this. When you said I wasn't ready. You're right, I was just being a stubborn motherfucker."
He looks as if I slapped him. "I need to piece myself back together on my own. As much as I've enjoyed your company, it's not what I need right now."
"I told you Darlin' that there's no expectations. I'll just be your friend, if that's what you need." I shake my head and sigh. I grab his hand and bring him to the table and we sit down.
"I'm not in a good place right now. I need to work on me, for Miley's sake."
"But you'd be with Flynn," he protests. He doesn't seem angry though.
"Not now after everything. But you're right, if he didn't leave then I would. He chased my demons away. He made me feel safe and secure. I'm sorry but he's the only one that can do that. So I need to find a way to chase my own demons away."
He sighs and strokes my cheek. "I can't say I accept it or happy about it but I do understand it. Just know that I'll be here waiting for you when you're ready."
"Ric, I don't want you waiting for me. I want you to find your soulmate. I'm not that person." He looks as if I've slapped him again but he needs to hear this. He can't be waiting for me when at the end of the day I wouldn't choose him.
The only person I'd choose is Flynn and I'm choosing to let him be happy with someone else. He nods and stands up. I do too. He captures my lips with his for the briefest of seconds and then he's gone.
My next scan day arrives and Jax comes with me. I wait on the hospital bed whilst he holds my hand. "I love you," I whisper. He's been my rock through this.
"Don't get all sappy on me, babe. I love you too, I wish I was the one that impregnated you. I'd be seeing my baby on the screen instead of the hottie's baby." I laugh hysterically as Heidi comes in.
"Hello again," she says. "Let's see your baby again shall we?"
She lifts my top and squirts the cold gel on my tummy. She presses the scanner on my belly and I hear the heartbeat. "I know you said you didn't want to know the sex but have you changed your mind?"
"I want to know," I whisper and she nods. I know that's selfish of me but I want to know what's growing inside me.
"Congratulations, you're having a baby boy." I squeeze Jax's hand tightly.
"Ow, congrats babe." I soften the grip on his hand. I look at my baby on the screen and I cry. "Hey, it's a happy time. None of that," I nod. Heidi freezes the screen and removes the scanner from my belly and wipes the gel off.
"Baby is healthy Riley," she assures me and I nod wiping my eyes. "Shall I print you some pictures?" I nod. "Okay, I'll be back." She disappears and leaves us. A baby Flynn, I already felt connected to Miley because of Flynn and now I'm overwhelmed with his baby inside of me.
A part of me wants to tell my Mom. I want to shout it to the rooftops. The baby is softening me somewhat but I can't tell anyone before Flynn and I'm not ruining his life. What options do I have? The only one that seems logical is to disappear. How can I keep Flynn from Miley, she will be devasted.
Maybe if I find somewhere that's not next door to them, maybe I can hide it. My baby deserves both parents, Hell! What am I going to do? This is too hard. When I'm home I open Mom's Christmas present. I flick through the photos of Flynn and me. It seems so long ago. I place the scan of my baby between the pictures of me and Flynn where he belongs.
Jax and I are laying on the couch watching a movie. He's taken over my corner and I am laying next to him, between his body and the couch. I nuzzle my nose on his neck. I've identified his own unique scent. It's been awhile since I've seen been with Ric or Flynn and I guess I feel somewhat lonely. I lightly kiss his neck but he doesn't respond.
I kiss his neck again and he looks down at me. He playfully kisses my neck over and over. I giggle and he lingers his lips against my neck and my breathing hitches. Why? I kiss his neck again as his lips stay in contact with my neck. Is this all because I feel so safe with him and we've become comfortable together?
He shifts our weight so he's pinning me underneath him. I gasp and he looks down at me. My heart beats rapidly. Why is he looking at me like that? He's gay. He's careful not to put too much weight on me as he leans down and kisses my neck again. I tilt my head to give him better access. What am I doing? I've never thought about him in a sexual way but my body seems to want this.
His lips graze against mine and I keep perfectly still as if I'm some sort of experiment that he's playing with. He's kissed me before but never like this. His lips start off slow and I respond to his warm tasty lips. My body isn't screaming to stop but I know in my head and heart that I don't want him romantically. He's my best friend.
He sits up and pulls his top off and I bite my lip. He pulls me up and pulls my top off and he lowers me back down and kisses me again. His hands feel my body as he kisses me. His lips become more urgent and demanding. I feel his growing cock and I gasp. My hips flex and he growls. He quickly holds my hips to keep me still.
He sits up bringing me with him. He reaches behind me and starts fiddling around with my bra. "I've never been with a girl before," he whispers in my ear as he struggles with my bra. "I really want you right now." He pants in my ear and I reach behind me and I push his hands away and I undo the bra. I feel his smile against my ear.
He continues to completely remove my bra and eases me back down. He undoes my jeans and pulls them off. His eyes never leave my body as if he's concentrating so hard. I never let Ricardo strip me but I'm letting Jax. I really don't understand. Once I'm completely naked I reach for his jeans and he lets me undo them. He pulls them off along with his boxers.
He leans back down pushing my legs apart and starts kissing my neck again. "I don't know how this will work babe but I'm willing as long as you are," he breathes heavily against my neck. As long as he takes control then I'm all good.
"I trust you," I whisper. He eases into me and I bury my face in his neck as call out so his neck muffles my screams. He hisses through his teeth and it's a turn on. He starts creating friction for us and I try matching his movements but he holds my hips still.
Flynn's name is on the tip of my tongue and I'm really struggling not to say it aloud. I'd hate it for Jax to call someone else's name right now. His lips crush mine and he picks up the rhythm and I whimper. "Jax," I beg as he pulls his lips away from mine.
"It's such a turn on when you beg. Did you beg him?" I know exactly who he's talking about. I nod and he pounds harder inside me and my back arches. "You feel so good," he mumbles and it sends tingles deep inside of me. "I'm still gay," he assures me looking down at me.
I really don't care if he is or isn't right now as long as he keeps going. My body is building and it needs its release. "Don't stop," I beg. He hisses as he continues his relentless rhythm.
"You'll have to guide me babe," he says in a deep voice. Huh? He leans down and his lips mould around my nipple and I whimper. He swipes his tongue against my nipple and I arch my back. I don't think he really needs me to guide him. He's already creating enough pleasure around my body which is more than any straight guy can do. Except for Flynn, obviously.
"Teeth. . ." I whimper. "Lightly," I beg and he follows my command. How is he doing this? I really don't understand. I slide my hands down his back and he growls. His tongue and teeth continue to tease my nipples. "Jax," I beg again.
"No wonder you two were inseparable, so hot," he mumbles. There's that word, were as in past tense. Was I not good enough? Did I do something wrong? He always knew the right things to say to me to settle my nerves to make me feel nothing but wanted so what changed? I'd ask if it was a lie but I know it wasn't. I know he loved me.
Jax senses my absence and he sits up and brings me with him and then lies back. Luckily my couch is huge and you can do that safely. "Come back to me babe, I want to know how it feels to have you ride me," he holds my thighs as he looks up at me. I laugh and start moving up and down. "Yes, I can see the attraction," he reaches up and cups my boob and I gasp.
I smooth my hair in my hands and I move all my hair to one side of my neck and he flexes deep inside of me. "Your neck is the biggest turn on," I look at his face and his eyes are dilated and he's enjoying this as much as I am. "Let's thank your neck right now for the position we're in right now."
I laugh and he takes my hand and brings my body flush against his. He keeps my hand in his as the other cups my neck and his lips brush against my neck. "I'm still gay," he repeats.
"Jax just keep going. I am the only one," I pant as he proceeds to give me a hickey. Our sweaty bodies stick together as my back arches with all this pleasure.
"Fuck babe, yes you are!" he hisses and I'm lost. I bury my face in his neck and I call out as I climax. "Shit," he mutters and I feel him spilling into me. I rest my weight on his body but mostly leaning on my side. "Your pulsing sent me over the edge," I feel him smirk against my ear. "Is it this good with him?"
"No," I admit. "It's better," I mumble.
"Christ, I can't see it getting any better," I smile and he smooths my hair out of my face. "You need sleep, let's go to bed," he whispers.
"I'm comfy," I whisper. He chuckles and shifts his weight and brings me into his arms and stands up. He leans down for a moment and turns the tv off. He carries me into the bedroom turning the light off as he goes. He lowers me on the bed and I open my eyes.
"Put these on or I'll want to relive that experience," he chucks my top and panties at me and then he slides his boxers on. I sigh in content and put my clothes on and he climbs in next to me. I turn on my side and he pulls the covers over us and he spoons me from behind.
YOU ARE READING
Forever Lost
RomanceThird instalment of her lost souls. Riley needs to build her life back up after her soul mate Flynn left her for good. Pushing out her loved ones. She's forever lost, can Flynn ever reach her again?
