Forever Lost

Chapter 28

"Why did your coat smell so bad?" he asks.
    "I didn't want your sister getting cold so I put my coat on her. I wasn't exaggerating when I said the bath was black when she got out. She really did smell but that didn't matter to me."
    "He was a fucking idiot, why did he work so hard to convince Tyler? Surely her health and wellbeing were more important than his selfish needs. Why was she saying his sister's name?  Fuck, she better not be having a heart attack. He'd kill her himself. He looked down at her but she was lifeless.  They raped her? As in the both of the fuckers? Are you kidding me?"
   I shiver trying to block that memory out. It's still a bit hazy but the terror I feel when I think about is still there.
     "He looked down at her and she was the only thing keeping him calm. She started mumbling again. When they arrived they took her away and he punched the wall.
    "I was selfish bro! I couldn't bear the thought of losing her so I tried to convince you. I should have been selfless and let you take her away from me. Seeing her on the bed like that! he shouted. She's strong, she will be okay. This isn't your fault, Tyler said. Of course, it is! I caused her to drink! She was vulnerable and they took advantage! he yelled. The nurse came to find him to say his Angel needed him. Heart rate at 180? Fucking hell!
   "He didn't know how to help her if she wouldn't let him touch her. Did she hate him that much? Once she was out the Doctor sent him away. He didn't want to leave her but what could he do? He returned to Tyler and informed him of her condition. A nurse came in a while later to say she was moved to ICU. He panicked, why ICU? They waited in ICU reception until the police came to take Tyler's statement. He was left for ages on his own pacing.
    "He was so relieved to see Abigail. She hugged him and pulled him to sit down. Tyler returned and he looked pissed off. Well, they are in custody. They believe they have enough evidence to charge them. They want me to give permission to do a forensic exam, Tyler said. What does that entail? Abigail asked. It's when they collect evidence it can be quite invasive, urine, bloods, swabs and physical examination of the penetration, Hayden said."
   I freeze, "Nope, no way, not a chance, he growled. We want to collect enough evidence to lock them away, son. Why would you not want that? Hayden asked. She won't want that. Besides, I don't want people looking at what is mine, he growled. Hayden laughed but he glared at him. Honey, they are professionals, they do this every day, Abigail comforted him. Don't care, they aren't doing it, he protested."
    I relax a little, he's right. I wouldn't have wanted them to do it, "Too bad it's not your choice, Hayden shrugged. Abigail, he groaned. Honey, this is what's best for her, she said. No, she won't want to, he growled. You want them locked up right? she asked. Of course, he did! I'll see if they will do it whilst she's sedated. She will never know, Abigail said. But I will know! he yelled and stood up. You're been ridiculous, son, Hayden growled and he stormed out of ICU."
    "Did they?" I ask.
    He cups my face, "I don't know baby, I didn't want to ask and they never approached the subject again." I sigh but nod, "The cool air surrounded him and he punched a brick wall. Honey! Abigail said sternly. He turned to face her with tears flowing from his eyes," my breath gets caught in my throat and I grab his hand and hold it with both of mine. "She hugged him whilst he sobbed in her arms. She's mine, he cried. He never fucking cried in front of people but Abigail has seen him at his lowest point.
   "No one is debating that Honey, she said. But they are! he insisted. No, she hushed him. This is my fault, I was being selfish. She's my everything Abigail, I can't lose her, he sobbed. Then why did you leave her? she asked. Because. . . he blubbered. I love Tyler so much, he's my brother. He's pulled me from the gutter so many times, he admitted. Tyler did this? she demanded and pushed him away to look at him. She wiped his tears away but they just kept coming. Flynn, answer me, she demanded.
    "Yes, but it's not all on him. I'm not safe for her, I could hurt her, he explained. She looked absolutely furious. You're telling me, Tyler is keeping you two apart? She's in so much pain and she's expressed herself in dangerous ways and he's still keeping you two apart? she demanded. Because I'm dangerous. Truth is, I can't keep away from her. She needs me and I won't deny her that. He told me if I don't convince him then he will keep her away from me and I'll never see her again. I should have been selfish and let her go. She'd be safe right now he said.
    "This isn't on you. I'm so disappointed in Tyler. He's hurting his sister and his best friend, she said. Because I'm dangerous, he repeated." I roll my eyes, "Stop saying that! I'm going to slap your backside in a minute, she growled. He raised his eyebrow and started laughing. Flynn Archer, stop laughing!" My mom must have been so mad to use his full name. "I'm sorry but you're too funny to take seriously, he laughed hysterically. She swatted his backside and he stepped back and continued to laugh. Abigail! he howled with laughter. She was really fucking angry. He hugged her and she instantly returned the hug."
    I smirk, "My mom actually spanked you? You must have made her so angry."
    "Yep! It was too funny." He grins, "I love you, thank you for cheering me up, he said. You make me so mad boy but I love you. Now, no more self-loathing crap, okay? she demanded. He pulled away, Yes, Mother! he joked and she laughed."
    "Wait, you called her Mother?"
    "Wasn't the last baby, like I said. Your Mom is hot but she's more like my Mom too. So no getting jealous." I nod, "They walked back inside and they joined Tyler and Hayden in her room. He hated her hooked up to those machines. He went straight to her and held her hand. The Doctor came in, Okay, her blood tests came back normal. No infections and we checked for pregnancy and it came back negative. I suggest she take the morning after pill when she's awake to be safe. I am concerned about her heart though. Her heart rate has decreased but it's still high.
    "It's usual for it to be high, Tyler said. Not this high, you see that monitor, she said pointing at the monitor. The beeping is the machine telling us it's too high. Average heart rate should be between 60 and 100. Hers is, wait, she paused and went to the machine. It's gone down slightly, it was at 130. Now it's 120, odd, she said. She knows Flynn's here, Abigail said. Test the theory son, walk over there, Hayden said. No, I don't want to upset her, he growled. Hayden glared at him so he sighed and moved to the other side of the room. This is stupid, I don't need machines to tell me she's distressed without me, he thought.
    "He returned to her with the go-ahead. That is remarkable, the doctor said. He stroked her beautiful face. They find her fascinating in odd ways, they always like to make her some experiment. I find her fascinating in other ways. I don't like to put her at risk to make a point. I'll leave you to it, let me know if you need anything. I'll keep her sedated until tomorrow, the doctor said and left.
    "Tyler and Flynn explained what happened. Or at least their version. He didn't want to hear anymore, he felt so sick at how he failed her so he climbed on the bed. He buried his face in her neck. Tyler left to find a charger, Honey, please be careful, Abigail said. Look at the machine though, the numbers are coming down. How does she know you're here? I am being careful. It's probably both things. My scent calms her, she needs my scent on her skin to feel safe and happy. My touch burns her. When I met her she'd turn the temperature up to the max in the shower because she was always cold. She still does that but only because we are apart. I think the bath mishap was because she was cold. My scent was gone.
    "My touch can heat her from the outside in which is how I broke down her barrier. So she says anyway. You wondered how and why she hugged me after the sea incident. She can tell it's me when she's unconscious. It helps her to wear my clothes when she sleeps because she can smell me, he said. And that's why she doesn't get nightmares with you? she asked. Yes. That's. . . something special you have, she said. I know, she's mine. I hate people touching her, he said. Abigail stroked his hair whilst he shut his eyes."
     "You protected me whilst I was sedated?" that's cute.
     "Yes, I never left you side until they returned the next morning. Nurses kept coming in disturbing his sleep. Tried to get him to sleep on the guest bed but he was good right next to her. He woke to Tyler poking his face. Abigail made him leave to freshen up, not that he wanted to. Her heart was now at 98. Tyler dragged him to the bathroom, You need to do something with your hair, you look like a hobo. I'm not being associated with that, Tyler groaned. He only kept it long for his Angel. Maybe it was time for a cut, it was too much to manage.
    "They went to the cafe to eat. How tired are you? Tyler asked. Bro, your sister had me stressing all fucking day yesterday and then the incident at the frat house. I was shattered but the nurses come in so frequent and they moaned at me every time, he explained. Worse things to be woken up by, Tyler shrugged. If you're you, he grumbled. Are you going to be in a foul mood all day? Tyler asked. Probably, he shrugged and smirked. You said she wanted to see me? he asked.
     "Yes, she was rather insistent. She never told me why she just said it was important, Tyler said. If it was that important why didn't she stop me? he asked. Fuck knows, Tyler shrugged. He texted Abigail just to make sure she was okay. She replied saying she was fine and not to hurry back. How could he not? Nath just asked me how she was, Tyler said. Can you tell him she died? Then he can't hang around with her anymore."
    I laugh, "Flynn, he's my friend. That's not nice."
    "Don't care, don't like him." He shrugs, "Bro! That's cruel, I don't like it either but let's face it. He had a part in saving her last night, Tyler said. He scoffed, Hardly, he wasted time coming to get me rather than beating his arse. True but he did warn me when she was drinking and when she went off with that arsehole, Tyler said. Again, if he was man enough he would have stopped her drinking and he would have stopped her going up the stairs, he shrugged. You know it's not that easy with Riley, could you have stopped her? Aye, he said."
     I glare at him, "I don't think you could have. I didn't exactly trust you. If I had I wouldn't have started drinking."
    "I'd carry her ass out of there kicking and screaming. I'd probably have to gag her and restrain her after but that's what I'd do if she wasn't listening." He smirks at me and I frown. "I would have baby. I was done letting you drink that poison. You die, I die," I sigh. "Tyler laughed, You have a death wish, think of what she would have done to you if she punched me in the face. She wouldn't hurt me, she loves me, he boasted. Are you trying to tell me something? Tyler joked. Hey, she could have knocked you out, count yourself lucky, she punches hard, man. Do you think she knows she's strong when she hits us playfully? he said."
    "Enough with the hurting crap. It can't be that bad. I'm sorry, okay?"
    "No, I don't think she does, it fucking kills when she punches me playfully, Tyler said. I want to know about Britney, is it love at first sight? he asked. Fuck no, she's hot and good in bed that's about it. I only asked her out because she looks good on my arm, Tyler shrugged. Have you ever loved a girl? Nah, I've loved fucking them. Does that count? Tyler joked. No, he chuckled. Don't we all love doing that? Not you apparently, Tyler mocked. I wish I never told you that now. Think about your best orgy, he said.
    "Easy, when I had a threesome. Two women pleasing you, that's hot, Tyler said. Okay, now times that by ten and then picture that it only gets better in time, he said. My sister's not that good, Tyler groaned. Forget about your sister for a minute. Shut your eyes, Just picture the most beautiful girl you've ever seen. Zone in on her features, her dazzling eyes, her soft lips, her beautiful skin. Imagine how clear her face is, as if you're seeing clearly for the first time. Amazing tits, perfect curves, a peachy ass. Instant hard-on right there on her looks alone.
    "Imagine loving this girl with everything you have and she feels the same way. You'll show her how much you love her with your touch. Your heart is beating frantically, she's like a drug to you. Her lips turn you on just doing the simplest things. You can't go to a restaurant without an arousal. Her lips wrapping around that straw. Live porn, bro.
    "When you're inside her you feel in heaven. Nothing makes sense when you're apart. She can literally do whatever she wants in that moment. Everything inside your head disappears apart from her. She's all you see, all you feel, all you smell. You're connected, you're one with each other. You know what each other are thinking. You look into her eyes and she's telling you a story. She has a thousand things to say and you want to fucking hear them as though they are a sirens call, he said. Christ, you're making me hard bro, Tyler shook his head.
    "Don't say it too loud, people will get the wrong idea, he joked. You're telling me if my sister walked in right now naked begging for you to fuck her, you would? Bro, she wouldn't even need to beg. I'd take her on one of these tables, we wouldn't make it to a private room. Even the strongest of men couldn't deny her. I've tried so fucking hard to resist her. When she tries to seduce me I'm fucked. I can mostly control myself when she's not even trying but when she does there's no hope at all!
    "Gross bro, Tyler groaned. Now you have an inkling of how much control I need around her. Can we go back now? She's still sedated, why are you in a hurry? Oh yeah, picture the thing you love the most you don't want to share. You're protective, when you're apart, you're anxious. She's only safe in your arms. Fucking hell man, you have issues, that must be exhausting, endless hard-ons and anxiety, not to mention anger issues if they go near her or bad mouth her, Tyler said.
    "That about sums it up, he admitted. Well, who am I to keep you from her whilst she's in hospital, Tyler said. Whilst she's in hospital? Is he still keeping this up? He started marching towards ICU. Mom, Tyler said and he stopped in his tracks to look at Tyler who was on the phone. What's she saying? he growled. Is she okay? Tyler said. Tyler, he growled. Okay, I'll see you there, Tyler said. He hung up the phone, Calm down bro, they've moved her out of ICU. They are weaning her off the ventilator and her sedation."
      He's anxiety is cute. Not sure why it affects me so much.
     "Why didn't you bloody tell me that? he growled. Because I was trying to listen to what she was saying, Tyler shrugged." I giggle, he's so cute. "You can calm down now, Tyler muttered when we were back in her room and she was the same as before. He waited hours for her to wake, Bro! I'd rather put up with her. When we were waiting for you to wake up she was mute. She was motionless. That would be nice if you could stop acting edgy.
   "He rested his head on her tummy. Come on, he thought. Wake up. She started coughing and he looked at her distressed face. You did, you fucked her. You said you never would but you did! I saw you, I saw the way you kissed her. You called her babe! she yelled. Gah! He did not! Does she not realise how hard this was for him?"
    "I'm sorry, I couldn't imagine you loving me to that extent. I had to push you out. He broke my trust. How was I to know someone could love me like that when he showed me that no one could?"
    He sighs, "I know baby, I understand it, I do. I just hated you pushing me out when all I did was love you so much." Hindsight is a powerful thing, "Hayden gave him the keys to his car. He had to get out of there. He took the long way home, breaking the speed limit. He didn't care, they had enough money to deal with a ticket. He showered and ate and rage turned into anxiety. He texted Abigail to see if she was okay.
    "He went back to the hospital. She was crying when he returned. Who the hell was making his Angel cry? He hated it. Not even drunk could she handle sex. She was all his in every way now. Intoxicated or sober? No, he'd prefer her intoxicated on him. She was docile then. He held her in his arms, she was right, no one else, only him. He went with her parents just so he could kiss her without judgements. He knew Tyler would make him stay away sooner or later.
    "She made everyone leave but he was glad that she wasn't pushing him out. She needed him but he had to put some fight up but there was no resisting her. She was scared yet she still needed him to claim her. He hated seeing her like that but she needed it and he would support her. He needed to consume her, love her, overwhelm her with his touch. She wanted him to leave right after sex? What the hell? He decided to leave her if that's what she needed.
   "He went to his apartment and Tyler was fucking the blonde on the couch. Fucking gross. Tyler made her go to his room whilst he grabbed a beer. I thought you were going to wait for my text? Tyler said. Was I? Did I not give you enough time? How long do you need to fuck her? Or did you need a lot to get going? he joked. He fucked his girl in that time and he could never get enough of her. Tyler punched his arm, What happened to your shirt? Bro! She ripped it, he shrugged. Why? Tyler asked. Because she wanted me to fuck her, he shrugged.
    "You didn't though did you? Tyler urged. I tried to resist but I told you if she begs me I don't have enough control for that. I really did fucking try! he growled. What did she do literally force herself on you? Tyler demanded. Something along those lines in the end. Look, she needed me, okay? Those arseholes fucked her up more than she will let you see. Just like her ex did, she always needs me to be the last one that touches her. She was a mess!"
    "You told him? How could you?" I demand.
    "Hey, he would have killed me otherwise. Besides, he needed to know for what comes next," I frown. What does come next? "She kicked me out, she got what she needed from me and then she kicked me to the curb. I actually feel used, Tyler laughed. She needs time alone to process what happened. I never had any problems fucking her before but she looked in pain. She was scared, they hurt her more than we thought because she's so strong. I think I slayed that demon for her.
    "That's gross man, well I'm glad she kicked you out, Tyler said. What a surprise? He went back to his blonde. He was surprised Tyler didn't punch him. He was a shitty friend and he was no good at protecting what was his. Tyler and the blonde were fucking loud! He would go out but he didn't want to leave his Angel just in case she needed him. He put his headset on as he played the Xbox blocking them out. He played until Tyler pulled the headset off. Did you not like the entertainment? Tyler laughed."
    "That is gross," I protest.
     "Exactly," he agrees. "Let's go out for dinner, guys night, Tyler said. No, I don't want to go too far away from her, he declined. Bro, she's not a baby. She kicked you out, stop wallowing. She's not everything, you need to have a life, Tyler grumbled. Fine, he agreed. Tyler let him drive, he offended him saying Hayden's car was better. Hell! Both cars were nice, what did he care? What money could buy. Jesse and Matty wanted to come over to the apartment.
    "They grabbed booze on the way home and they played xbox whilst they drank. He was fucking shattered. Where's your sister? Jesse asked and he growled. At her place, leave her alone bro, Tyler warned. She's single, why would I leave her alone? Jesse said. Because I told you to, Tyler warned. He better leave her alone, he was too tired for his shit. They were busy playing xbox when he felt a strange aura." I frown, why would he?
    "His eyes shot to the front door and there stood his Angel."
    "No, I never went to your apartment," I insist.
    "Oh you came baby," he smiles. "Ri? he gasped. She was wearing one of his tops and she looked all sweaty from a nightmare. She walked towards the couch and she climbed on his lap and curled up on him. Lee? Tyler said confused. Bro get a blanket or something, he said. She was really cold. He placed the blanket over her, covering her legs protecting her from prying eyes. Is she awake? Tyler asked. No clue, bro has she sleepwalked before? he asked."
    "I was sleepwalking? And I came to you?" No, that doesn't sound right. Surly I'd remember that.
    "Yes baby, you were quite happy sleeping on me." I frown, why don't I remember and why didn't he tell me that? "What is going on here? What would Regan have to say? Jesse sulked. Shut the fuck up, what does Regan have to complain about? A girl sleeping on my lap who's practically family? he snapped. She's half-naked on your lap, Jesse said. And? I think I can control myself, are we playing or what? he snapped again."
   "You carried on playing whilst I was on your lap?"
   "Yes, I fucking loved that you came to me. I held you, protecting you. I didn't want to leave you." Hmm, "Bro, I'm shattered, I need sleep, he said as he stood up with his Angel in his arms. You aren't staying, Tyler growled. I'll put her to bed, if she settles I'll come back, Either way, I'll be gone before she wakes, he insisted. He carried her to her bed and tucked her in. She started getting restless the minute he stood away. No, I don't want this, she whimpered. She held her mouth as if she was trying to prize a hand away from her mouth. Flynn, save me, she begged.
    "Fuck it, he climbed in next to her. How could he leave her after that? He let Tyler know he'd be back in the morning. He was so fucking tired he fell straight to sleep. He woke before her and left her apartment. Matty was asleep on the couch and he went to his room and Jesse was asleep in his bed. What the fuck! He went to the bathroom and got some cold water and poured it onto his boxers and his face."
    I laughed, "That's mean."
    "Don't care, don't like him," he doesn't like any guy who's been around me. "Calm down bro, you could be grateful I agreed to this. I could have sent Jesse to stay with my sister, Tyler said. He growled and walked to the bathroom and slammed the door. Like it was even an option! Over his dead body would that happen! He showered and he missed her presence at uni. He went to work after and Mac asked if Tyler's sister was okay after she went missing. No, not when she was missing. It's when she returned she got into trouble, he sighed. He explained that she was his, Get in there mate, is she hot? Mac asked.
    "No, she's not hot, she's beautiful, the most beautiful thing on earth, he admitted. I'm going to need to see a picture then, Mac said. He showed him the pictures of them together at the cliff. Ahh, she's a little angel, Mac said. Fuck, could he see it too? She's my angel, he countered. When he got home Tyler had already bought pizza. He had a bath and went to bed, he was shattered. He woke to someone climbing into his bed."
      "Who the fuck was climbing into your bed? Regan?" I demand.
      He laughs, "No baby, it was you." I frown, again? "Was she sleep walking again? What did he care? He slept better with her there. When he woke he pulled on his jeans and carried her out of his room. What the fuck man? Tyler questioned him. Her sleepwalking is getting out of control. She climbed into my bed last night, I was too tired to move her. She'd probably only come back anyway, he explained. He carried her into her apartment and lowered her into bed. She mumbled but didn't wake. He loved her coming to him and Tyler could say fuck all about it.
    "Tyler asked why he thought she was sleep walking. I told you, she's not dealing with this as well as everyone thinks. When she sleeps she lives her traumas over and over. The only way for her to get a break is when she's with me. She feels safe with me, he explained. Yeah, she will be okay. This isn't another James. They haven't scarred her for life. He is still embedded inside her. You think he's still embedded in there? Tyler asked."
    Fuck, he knows but how? How does he know that when I eat my food it's a serious fuck you to James. Or how I wear clothes that flaunt my assets when I was once covered from head to toe in clothes that covered every inch of skin.
    Or how I push everyone out because he hurt me.
    "Yeah, of course, he is. I think he always will be, he's almost like unfinished business. She finds it hard to trust because of him. I think she eats the way she does because she's always thinking of him. He controlled what she ate so now she's taking control. She needs constant reassurance, she expects something bad to happen before it does. She pushes people away before they can hurt her. Everything she does is because of him, he said.
    "He went to uni and then work, when he got home Tyler was sat on the couch, Shall we eat out man? I don't do cooking, Tyler asked. I'm tired of eating out, you know what's better? he grinned. Why don't we go next door and get Riley to cook us something? She's as good cook as your Mom. Fine, if she flips out I'll blame you, Tyler said. They knocked on her door but there was no answer. Was she not in? He passed Tyler her key. As soon as Tyler opened the door he could feel her so why didn't she answer the door?
     "She was sat on the couch staring at the walls. Lee? Tyler said. Earth to Riley, Tyler said louder but nothing. It was breaking his heart to see her like this. She always said she was like a zombie behind closed doors. She agreed to make dinner, I can tell who's your Dad's favourite, look at this, he said. All those channels, bigger TV all those films. He smirks when his Angel started dancing to the music. He couldn't stop looking at her ass.
     "Bro, Tyler warned. My bad, he laughed. I didn't come here so you could ogle my sister, Tyler groaned. You been sleeping okay? he asked. Guess so, not sure she said. Could she not remember? Should he tell her? He didn't want to tell her, she may be stubborn and not sleep and then he wouldn't wake with her in his arms. How long Lee, I'm starving, Tyler asked and she elbowed him in the ribs and got up. I think she's broken a rib dude, Tyler said breathlessly. He went all red and everything. She's freakishly strong, Tyler groaned."
    "I'm sorry okay? Now I know I can be more careful," I roll my eyes. How many times did I hit people playfully?
     "They went back to their apartment and the blonde came over again. They were so loud and he put his pillow over his head to block them out. It took him ages to fall asleep. He woke when the covers lifted again. She laid on him this time. He held her to him, he could still hear them going at it. He thought he would need to get advice on her sleepwalking but at the same time he loved that she came. He managed to block them out and fall asleep. He followed the same routine. Again? Tyler muttered. Yep, don't know what to tell you, he grinned. He loved this new routine except he'd rather know that she shared a bed with him, willingly.
     "He kissed her forehead and left her again. He made a coffee and breakfast as the blonde came out of his room in her underwear. Hey, she said and winked."
     I tense, "Did she flirt with you?"
     "Yep, annoyed the fuck out of me."
     "Why didn't you tell me that? I would have punched her lights out," I growl.
     "Would you though? I wasn't sure if you liked me at that point in time." I always loved him at every point in time. "She had the audacity to bite into his toast. Can you put some clothes on? he growled. Why am I distracting you? she asked. No, the opposite, he growled. You don't like what you see? she asked as she pushed her bra strap down," I scowl. "No, vacuous girls aren't my thing, he shrugged. What does that mean? she smiled."
     I laugh loudly, "That's funny! She thought you were complimenting her. Fuck, it's too much!" I continue laughing and he laughs too.
     "Go ask Tyler, he said. She flicked her hair in his face. Fuck! He nearly lost his coffee. She skipped back into the bedroom to find Tyler. He sat on the couch until Tyler came out. He patted his shoulder, Vacuous? Really? Tyler laughed. Well, she is. Coming to me flirting with me, keep her on a leash in future or I can find worse words, he warned. Mate, you're too funny. Are you ready? Tyler asked. Yeah, I've been waiting for you, he shrugged. Brit, are you ready? Tyler yelled. She came out dressed this time. Tyler, I said I need at least half an hour to get ready, she whined.
    "What does she look like without makeup? he whispered and Tyler jabbed him in the ribs. Oh, okay, that bad huh? he joked. Are you ready or what? We need to go, Tyler said. Fine, I'll finish my makeup in the car, she stamped her foot. Finish it? She's going to look like a freak show with more makeup, he said."
    I laugh, "I love you," I say. I love how he will mock others. He cups my face and kisses me. I love hearing his side of the story, it's made me love him even more and I didn't think that was possible.