Forever Lost

Chapter 33

I smile as I see Tyler with his plate on his melon. Looking as happy as Larry. I can't wait to start a future with my new little family.
     "Uncle Tyler, will you play catch with me and Rex?" Miley claps her hands.
     "Sure kid," he passes Ruby his plate and he scoots forward and heaves himself out.
     I watch as he goes into the shed and finds a tennis ball. He comes out and throws it gently to Miley. She drops it instead of catching it bless her.
    She picks it up and throws it at Tyler but it's miles out so it lands on the grass and rolls. This will be funny. He bends down but the melon gets in the way.
    He tries kneeling down but then he gets stuck. I burst out laughing. He grabs the ball and tries getting up but he ends up toppling over.
    He holds his melon to protect it and rolls on his back. Miley giggles and runs to him. "Uncle Tyler is silly!"
     I hear him say something and she comes bounding over to us. "Flynn, Uncle Tyler needs your help."
    Flynn chuckles and eases out his chair. He walks over to Tyler and they say something I don't hear. Flynn holds his arm out and Tyler takes it.
     Instead of Tyler being pulled up he drags Flynn down. He falls to his hands and knees and Miley pushes him over. I'm sure Flynn assisted her, there's no way Miley pushed him all the way.
     Flynn rolls on his back. Tyler and Flynn try and get up but it's fruitless. I decide to be nice and help them out. I walk over and smile over them.
     "Harder than it looks, isn't it boys?" I raise an eyebrow and they glare at me.
      I kneel down and slowly ease on my back. I roll onto my side with my knees bent. I use my left arm to push myself onto all fours.
      I spread my knees apart and lift one for onto the ground. I place my hand on my knee and quickly place my other foot on the ground and lift up.
     I look down at them and they look at each other and then they give it a go. They manage, just about but they weren't graceful.
      "There there melon. Daddy did it," Tyler says stroking his melon as he walks away. My eyes widen in shock. I look at Flynn and I laugh loudly.
      "We better plug our ears tonight. He'll be making babies for real," Flynn says thoroughly amused.
      We walk hand in hand with Miley in tow to the patio. "Rex's walk time. Ready Ty?" I smile just as he flops in his chair.
    His eyes widen, "No thanks," he mumbles.
     "Oh no, you're both coming, don't be such an old man," I mock him just as he did. He grumbles and struggles out his chair.
    He holds his hand out for Ruby. She happily takes his hand. "Moo, you coming or staying with Nana?"
    "Staying with Nana," she beams at Mom. Mom smiles back at her and tells us to have fun. We get to the front door and I slide my shoes on without bending down.
     Tyler and Flynn struggle. They try sitting on the stairs and doing it that way. I love them for persevering. They are adorable.
     They finally get their shoes on and they use the wall and the railing to help them up. Tyler opens the door and I step out into the driveway.
    Flynn slides his hand in mine and we all walk side by side. We get some odd looks from by passers but my smile is still etched on my face. Not a lot can sour my mood right now.
    I make sure to take a route with a hill in it. When I look at the hill though I instantly regret it. I am the one pregnant after all.
    I need a break before we carry on so I sit on a boulder and hold my bump. "You okay baby?" Flynn asks.
    I nod, "I need a rest." He nods but he looks helpless. I can see him battling with himself. Continue my little game or rip it off and carry me.
    Once I've had a little rest I stand up and hold my back. I preserve and start walking up the hill. "Man, I'm exhausted," Tyler mutters. "My back hurts."
     I ignore him and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I glance at Rex who's have the time of his life running around, sniffing all the different smells.
     I make it to the top and turn around to see Tyler and Flynn muttering to themselves. Tyler holds a tree as he catches his breath.
    Flynn awkwardly has his hands on his knees hunched over. "Come on you babies," I call down to them. To be fair they're nearly to the top.
     Tyler stands straight and holds his melon protectively and starts walking. Flynn looks to be getting more and more pissed off as time goes on with the melon attached.
     He growls as he stands up and prowls towards me. I stay planted to the spot as the look he's giving me is carnal.
      He cups my face possessively when he reaches me and I stop breathing. His lips smother mine and I moan. He bites my lip, "Enough of that," Tyler grumbles.
     Flynn releases me and takes my hand. I decide that I've tortured them enough and head towards home. "Have you thought of any baby names?" Flynn asks out of the blue.
     I shake my head as he peers down at me, "No, not really. Everything was so hard Flynn.
    "I decided I wouldn't find out the sex as it wasn't fair on you. You should have been there but on the second scan I couldn't help myself. I tried not to give myself too much whilst you didn't know."
      "Ri," he whispers. "Sure, I would have loved to have been there but you're his Mom. I wouldn't have held it against you." He smiles at me, "What about Harley?"
    I love that he's so involved but to name the baby after a motorbike? "Tyler's a good name," Tyler pipes up.
    "Sorry bro but I'm not naming him after you," I admit.
     He frowns at me with hurt plastered across his face, "That's lovely sis."
    I release Flynn's hand and close the distance between Tyler and me. I hug him around his waist but the melon is getting in the way.
     "Ty, you're too special to me to take your name." How do I explain it better? "As much as I would give him your name, I wouldn't want to taint your name and have two Tyler's."
    He looks down at me and smiles. Was that enough? "I know, Tyler's a great name. Wouldn't want to wear it out," he boasts.
    I roll my eyes but continue to hold him. I'd hate to call his name but no one ever knowing which Tyler I'd be asking for.
    We make it back to the house thirty minutes later. "I need a nap," Tyler mutters. Me too bro. Me too. I kick my shoes off at the door and walk into the living room.
    I notice the gifts have been brought inside sitting in the corner. Jax and Miley are on the couch watching tv. I make my way to them. I lift Miley into my arms and I lay on the couch with my head on Jax's lap.
     He strokes my hair as he looks down at me, "Tired?" I nod and shut my eyes. I feel a blanket being placed over me.
    "Riley honey, I brought my hair equipment. Do you want to do it today?" Ade asks. Fuck! Yeah but I'm so tired.
     "Can I have a little tiny nap first?" I plead. I hear some chuckles around me.
    "Sure sweetheart. I'll have a cup of tea and then I'll wake you?" I nod as I curl up to Jax's body. They leave me in peace whilst I have a small snooze.   
    A burning hand strokes my face and I groan. "Come on baby, it's time for you to wake up."
    His hand is removed and placed on my hand. He sits me upright and pulls me to my feet. I open my eyes as he escorts me into the kitchen. I'm sure he would have carried me if he wasn't sporting the melon.
     Everything is set up in the kitchen. The doors and windows wide open. It sends a chill up my spine. I sit in the chair and Ade shakes out an apron and settles it over me.
      She also wraps a towel around my neck. She starts her process of pinning my hair up into sections with clips. I take the room in and Mom is sat at the table with a cup of tea.
     She peers up from her magazine and smiles at me. "Thank you for a special day, mom," I smile back.
    "You're welcome honey. I'm so glad you've decided to dye your hair back." Me too, I guess. My walls are no more so this is the final thing to get back to myself.
    Ade starts to apply the foils and dye. I have a lot of bridges to build. They may all seem to accept my apology but it's not enough. It will never be enough.
     The whole process takes a couple of hours. She cut my hair, blow dried it and styled it for me. Once she's done she hands me a mirror.
     I look at myself in the mirror and watch as tears trickle down my face. It's beautiful as always. I love my natural colour. Dark me always hated it and shied away from it.
     I touch my soft hair and play with it in my hand. "Thank Ade, it's lovely," I whisper.
      The curls hang perfectly around my face. "You're welcome, sweetheart." How she gets the blonde colour from black, I'll never know. She's a miracle worker. I pass her the mirror back and she starts packing her equipment away.
    This has been a perfect day. I've never loved my family more. My heart is swelling with pride. After everything, they're still here with me.
     Flynn walks in and his eyes lock with mine. I hear a faint growl and he's ripping off the cling film. He catches the melon before it falls.
    He sets it on the table as he makes his way to me. "Flynn," I whine. He failed. It's only been five hours.
     He scoops me up and ignoring my protest. He walks briskly out of the kitchen and up the stairs. He looks down at me as he walks. "I accept it's hard on you, Ri. Harder than I ever thought.
     "Not being able to carry you is where I failed. It's who I am to need to look after you. I'm not going to apologise for that. Just know that I'll be more considerate."
    I sigh accepting it. I didn't think he'd last 24 hours but he tried, that's all I can ask. "Right now you're blinding me with your beauty, I have to be inside you. Nothing is getting in the way. No barriers, no melon, nothing."
    I swallow hard at the anticipation. He kicks open his door and locks it behind us. He sets me on my feet and he stands back and admires me from head to toe.
     I bite my lip taking him in too. His eyes have dilated, his lips parted. Those lips make me so turned on. His chest is heaving. I'm not even naked yet and his face is full of desire.
     He growls and grabs the bottom of my top and carefully prizes it from my body. He wraps his arms around me and unclips my bra.
    He teases me and brushes his fingertips over my shoulders and I feel my bra drop onto my bump and then my toes.
     He kneels in front of me, never taking his eyes of me. He tugs the leggings down my legs along with my panties. He helps me step out of them and then he takes my socks off one at a time.
     I hold his head as his does so to keep me balanced. He stands up again and takes me in. He starts to undress staring with his top. I admire his abs and pecs.
    He looks tense as if he's using a lot of self control. He undoes his jeans and I see his manhood poking into his boxers. I stand completely still, waiting for his next command.
     He slides his jeans and boxers down. "Lay on the bed baby. On you're back."
    I swallow hard and unlock my limbs and follow his command. He walks to the bedside cabinet and takes out the fluffy cuffs.
    He leans over and cuffs my wrists to the headboard. He walks to the foot of the bed and grabs my ankles and pulls me further down.
     I gasp as he cuffs the other one to my right ankle and then to the bed. He leaves the other free. He crawls onto the bed. He proceeds to kiss and nip every inch of my body as if he's worshiping me.
     "Flynn," I whimper. My whole body is on fire. I love being at his mercy like this but I need more.
     "You're mine." It sounds as if he's reminding himself not me. "I will never leave you."
     He takes his cock in his hand. I moan in anticipation. His body lowers over mine, careful not to put much weight on me. He eases in and we both groan.
    His hands land either side of my body. His back arched to keep his weight off me as he picks up a sweet delicious rhythm. "I can feel you baby," he groans. Well, I'd hope so.
    "I feel your soul binding with mine." Can he? "It's calling out to me for the first time." Is that because my walls are no more? They were always there even though they were down.
     He picks up the rhythm at it tips me over the edge and I whimper as I spiral. He quickly pulls out of me, "Shit," he grumbles. "I'm not done with you yet."
     He reaches over me and the cuffs are removed from my hands followed by my ankle. He pulls me up so I'm sat astride him. He eases me onto his cock and I tilt my head back and groan.
     "Christ, you're still pulsing," he says through gritted teeth. I look into his eyes as his takes a strand of my hair and wraps around his wrist. "So fucking beautiful."
    I start rocking my hips. "Easy baby," he grits out. "If you keep this up it'll be over too soon." I wrap my arms around his neck as he cups my boob with his free hand.
     I don't let up though. I want to be closer, deep inside of him. It's never enough. He growls and crushes my lips with his. His tongue demands access and I groan into his mouth as his tongue piercing toys with my tongue.
     I move my hips faster and harder trying to chase my orgasm. It's building deep in my tummy. I tilt my head back and he moves his lips to my neck. "I love you, you own all of me," I whimper as the orgasm takes hold.
     "Fuck," Flynn groans. He pulses violently inside me. He's arms wrap around my back as my body goes limp.
     Once our breathing settles he lays me down under the covers and I shut my eyes. "Baby, it's dinner soon. But I'll let you sleep until then." I hum my approval and sleep takes me.
    I wake with a start my heart is pounding. I pant as I look around the empty room. The door opens and my eyes widen. "Shh baby, you're okay," Flynn says as he rushes to me.
     Tears fall from my face. "You're safe," my body continues to tremble. He sits on the bed and hugs me. "Hey, it's okay." He pulls away and cups my face and looks into my eyes. Pain enters his eyes as he takes me in.  "This is what you meant. When you needed me? When you woke up alone like this."
     I swallow hard and nod frantically. "Sometimes, I'd call Jax in the middle of the night when I couldn't settle. I wake terrified every night. He couldn't keep nightmares away but it comforted me to know he was there."
    He nods his understanding, "I'm so sorry, no words can tell you how sorry. I didn't know how bad it was."
    He stands up and slides in behind me. He wraps his legs over mine, wrapping his arms around me. His hands settling on my bump and his chin rests on my shoulder. 
    "I don't like feeling like this," I sob. He's surrounding me, protecting me. "I think it's my pregnancy hormones or something. I don't even know why I wake up like this. It's not as if a nightmare is lingering.
       "It started when we were here last but you'd always take that feeling away. It only escalated as time went on. I'm so tired, Flynn. Pregnancy wears me out. Single mother, a dog, uni, work and then my nightmares.
    "Waking up like this. If I didn't call Jax then I'd stay awake drawing. I'm just so tired Flynn."
     "Shhh, I'm here. You'll never be alone again. I'm going to be your husband, you're not on your own anymore," he starts humming and my body begins to relax.
     "I always said I didn't need you or anyone. Even dark Riley knew she needed you. She was crying out for help on the inside. She only pushed you away so much because she hurt. She resented everyone for being able to function like a normal human being.
     "Under her hard exterior she was a mess. Barely functioning, barely alive. Watching you with Scarlett. Every time you kissed Scarlett her icy heart cracked a little more. She did it for you but she wished she could move on. Be normal and find someone else."
      I sigh, "Keep talking Ri, I need to hear this."
     "She held it all together to the outside world for Miley. She wanted you be happy. When she found out about the baby she wanted to tell you. The baby deserved both parents, yet you said you didn't want kids.
    "She thought the only way was to run away but she couldn't because Miley needed you. So she decided she would move somewhere nearby but not right next door.
     "Ric was the only normal thing for a while. She was a stubborn motherfucker. Sex was too hard but she did it anyway. When he touched her, calm washed over her. He didn't push her, he didn't smother her. He took it at her pace.
     "He couldn't hold her at night. She wouldn't let him. But she liked that he was there when her nightmares took hold. She watched from afar how easy it was for everyone to be in a relationship but nothing was easy.
     "She ended things with Ric because she didn't want him finding out about the baby before you. He was hurt, he wanted more. He wanted to help chase away her demons as you do but she needed to find a way to do it for herself as no one else could.
     "She wouldn't let you close as it hurt too much, to know that you wanted Scarlett and not her. She missed the burning eyes on her. She missed you saying Ri. Jax was the only person that could get close.
    "He'd never hurt her. He was always there when she needed him. He said he'd be anything she needed him to be. Best friend, boyfriend, husband and expect nothing in return.
   "All she needed from him was a friend. A support and he was. When she was so exhausted she'd let you in or Tyler. She was tired of pushing them away. She hates to see everyone so happy when she wasn't."
    Now that I've calmed down I turn in his hold so we are face to face. I cup his face and wipe his tears away. "I'd do it again in a heartbeat if that's what you wanted. Dark Riley is gone and never coming back. You brought her walls down and disintegrated the remains.
    "She's not in here anymore. She was always lingering deep inside me but now she's gone for good. So, I'm not sure how I'll cope if you do," I confess. I'd still do it but what will be left of me after, I don't know.
    He swallows hard and cups my face. "I'm never leaving you. Nothing can make me leave you anymore. I never should have left you in the first place. I guess only time will reassure you now. Besides, I still haven't finished my story but you do know how I felt even then."
    I swallow and move his hands to my stomach, "Just tell me how you felt about her."
    He sighs, "When I brought her back here the first time. I said we connected but we didn't. Yes, I asked her to be my girlfriend but it was mostly a show.
    "I told you in my story that I couldn't get hard. And I couldn't for a long while. I guess, in a way I saw a lot of you in her. Her blonde hair, her blue eyes. She stopped me from self destructing Ri.
    "We bonded over time. She stopped me from spiralling. I loved her over time, yes. I owe her so much. She distracted me from the loss of you. She comforted me when I was at an all time low.
    "I was a mess too, Ri and she was there for all my shit. I admired her for that. That's how it turned into love. You taught me how to love, Ri. However, I always saw your face at night. You're the first thing I thought about when I woke.
    "You were my every waking thought. I'd call your name when I climaxed and she didn't even hate me for it. She put up with so much. You have to see Ri that someone that cares that much about you it's hard to not fall for that person.
    "When my anxiety got too much she'd take it away. She gave and gave and I just took everything she had. She had a small piece of my heart but the rest belonged to you.
    "There was no magical connection with her. I never burned her with my touch or eyes. She's what I needed, it wasn't so intense. However, since my birthday I was slowly withdrawing from her and returning to you. I had to give you the chance to find someone less dangerous.
    "I even started counselling to be the person you deserve. I had to heal myself to be able to be who you need. My anger isn't as bad. I have coping mechanisms. I know I didn't control myself as well as I should have when I found out.
    "Dark Riley made me so mad. I don't get in any fights now as I did. I loved her Riley, I did but you mean so much more to me."
    I wish I could have been what he needed but I understand. Hearing his side has settled my nerves. I needed to hear his side as much as he needed to hear mine.
    I kiss him with so much love. I can't hold it against him. He was damaged too because of his parents dying. As much as I would have liked to have been the one that healed him, I guess I couldn't.
    I'm broken myself. How can I fix someone if I'm worse off. I get it now, I understand why he needed to do this. He removes his hands from my tummy and cups my face as he deepens the kiss.