Forever Lost

Chapter 25

"Bro a little help, please? Tyler snapped. Oh so he doesn't want him to be with her but he's happy for him to use his will over her? He was hoping he could persuade Tyler to let them be together before they got back. He couldn't lose her. He wanted to go to the bathroom with her but he didn't think he could walk. You love my daughter, Abigail asked. Yes, more than anything, he replied. She's lucky to have you, Abigail smiled. No, it's me that's lucky to have her. She's breathtakingly beautiful and she's the light in my dark life, he explained.
"That's so sweet Honey. Promise me you'll look out for her at Duke. I worry about her, I never wanted to send her there. Hayden was the one that enrolled her. She's grown up a lot since the accident but she's never had to take care of herself. I worry she'll forget to eat or fall down the stairs or mix with the wrong crowd, Abigail said."
I laugh, "Certainly did all of that, even falling down the stairs," I joke and he scowls at me.
"When the fuck did you fall down the stairs?"
"When I was drunk, the night I was. . ." I cringe. Can't even say it. "People tried to help me up but I couldn't handle them touching me."
"I hate that I couldn't protect you," he strokes my face and I shut my eyes.
"It's okay, you had your own life. Regan was lucky."
He growls and I open my eyes, "You still think I slept with her, don't you?"
"I was so sure but after hearing your story I am not so sure now," I shrug.
"I guess you'll find out as I carry on," I nod. "You know Tyler does a pretty good job too but I promise, I've always got her back, he said. He felt Riley come back before he saw her and she was crying again. You broke me, she said. Fuck, what? He wanted to heal her not break her. He felt the same way but he wouldn't say that made her weak. Just that they were made for each other. She didn't believe in fate because he broke her.
"She was being so stubborn not eating. He had to make her smile, he needed that so he peppered kisses on her face and she giggled. It was so nice to be able to kiss her in public. To make her feel better whenever she needed him. Don't. Leave. Me she begged. He'd never leave her if he had a choice but he had to reassure when she was vulnerable. You're amazing with her. She's always been stubborn, even before we couldn't make her do something she didn't want to do, Abigail said. Tyler stayed overnight, probably because he didn't trust him with his sister. What would he do in hospital? Especially with her unconscious?
"The nurse came in asking how he was feeling. Stiff, I want to go home, he groaned. She won't be helping you sleeping on you like that, she disapproved. He cupped her head protectively. She helps me more than you'll know, he protested. The nurse returned to do the scans but she hadn't woken yet. Can we not delay it until she's awake? he asked. No dear, this is your time slot. If you miss it you may have to wait hours. I thought you wanted to go home? She said.
"I do, I just don't want her to wake when I'm not here, he said. She will freak out if he's not there. We will watch her honey, your scan is important, Abigail said. He felt so weak as the nurse supported him. No, the Angel mumbled as he left. He stopped to look at her and she was restless. I'm sorry, please, I want to do this, she begged. He cringed as he recalled her saying those words on the sex tape. Flynn, help me, she begged."
I smile, "I said that?" Even then I needed him to protect me.
"Yep, anyone would think you saw me as your knight in shining armour," he jokes.
"I did," I shrug. "I do," I correct myself and he smirks.
"Go honey, the quicker you go the quicker you can come back, Abigail said. He couldn't, she needed him, hell! He walked away listening to he quiet pleas. He was restless thinking of her downstairs. You need to keep still, Flynn, the nurse said. He closed his eyes and pictured her wrapped around him asleep in bed. He was always calm in their little bubble. All good, the nurse confirmed. He felt a huge pull as he walked back to his room.
"Get off, she cried. Don't touch me, she screamed. Hell! He tried picking up the pace but he was weak. Withholding some rare diamond, Tyler said. Oh, but he was, she is a rare diamond. Her eyes dazzled him. Tyler helped him to the bathroom. Tyler playfully jabbed his ribs, too slow, Tyler joked. Just because you could only take me down when I'm recovering from a brain injury doesn't mean you should take advantage, he provoked playfully.
"Oh, fighting talk, you're a joker, Tyler grinned. Do you need help dressing, you baby? Tyler mocked." I've never really experienced there banter but the more I hear the more it swells my heart.
"Only if you want me to tell all the guys about your crush towards me, he joked and Tyler laughed loudly. If I knew a car accident would make you less of a babe magnet, I would have done it before, Tyler slapped his pecs. They will all come running to me if you can't get it up, he said playfully. He rolled his eyes. He didn't want to argue with him or sour his mood. Did he not see that Riley was the only girl for him? He could have all the other girls on the planet for all he cared.
"He could see she was not getting in the car. He expected reluctance but not refusal. He picked her up, it was the only way. It wasn't the best idea but he managed. He pulled her to the middle seat because he didn't like so much distance. What would Tyler have done without him there? His hand slotted in hers as if it was a missing piece of a puzzle. He knew the crash would have impacted her but that much? How was he ever going to let her go? She was never going to lose him in his heart, it would always belong to her. Flynn needs to rest and Riley needs to get her heart rate down, Abigail said.
"The fuck did she say? What was wrong with his Angel's heart besides the obvious? Why was he only hearing about her elevated heart rate now? So, broken wrist and her beautiful face was marked with bruises. He was reeling in the information. Why did she have to climb out over him? There was another door. Please go after her, honey, she only listens to you. She's scared, Abigail asked. He rolled his eyes, he knew she was hurting, she didn't need to tell him that. He was going after her anyway, he was just slower than normal. She didn't need to tell him how to look after his girl.
"She was in her underwear and he swallowed hard, she was seducing him without trying again. She needed his scent to make her feel safe and protected so he helped her into his top. He needed her to stay sober in their separation. Just like I have faith you'll stay sober, he said. She stormed off again for no reason so he went to get a drink. He stuffed his face, I love you, he said to Abigail. He watched her as they watched a film, he was in awe. The little minx touched his knee. What would he do for her teasing this time?
"When Hayden arrived she got up, I love you, Daddy, she said. Man, she's super cute. He was holding her as if she's his baby girl. Well, she was just a grown up version. It was technically classed as a date right?"
"No," I laugh. "You know what a date is right? You have to actually ask the girl out, you know, make an effort? Not just be there at the right time."
He frowns, "Does that mean we technically didn't have a date?"
"Yes, that's what I'm saying." I almost feel robbed that he thought it was a date and well I didn't.
"Okay, I will need to fix that." I roll my eyes, I don't need him to fix that. "When he returned from the shower he frowned that she wasn't there. She's helping Mom cook, Tyler said easing his anxiety. How are you feeling son? Hayden said. Tired, he admitted. I'm not surprised. I'm working against the drunk driver but it takes time. I'm pushing for max sentence, a driving ban and a penalty. I'm hoping the judge will agree with me. Oh, mush, your new car is arriving tomorrow for when you go back to Duke, Hayden said.
"Thanks Dad, the one I asked for? Tyler asked. Course, mush, only the best for my kids, Hayden said. He rolled his eyes, what did he ask for now? He already got his new phone. Hayden caught the eye roll. You only have to ask and I'll get you one, son, Hayden said. His eyes widened in horror, Oh no, you're not buying me a car! he protested.
I laugh, "So it's your fault he bought us a car. Once his mind settles on something that's it."
"It's a nice car but not for the price it would have cost, your Dad went over board! Well, you only have to ask. I have a dealership up the road that I get our cars from, Hayden said. The hell, there was no way he was letting him buy him a car! It was too much, the phone was extravagant enough. His Angel climbed on his lap and it was so fucking nice to kiss her in public.
"Tyler left the room, he was going to make the most of her whilst he let him have her. As Hayden left the room he thought, he won't apologise for loving this girl. He was sorry he broke bro code and going against Tyler but he was not sorry for loving her. Oh, he was going to have fun with her tonight. He was going to miss Abigail's cooking. It had been so long since he had home-cooked meals. You'll come back at Christmas, right? Abigail hoped. As long as Riley would let him, she may hate him by then. Would Tyler come around by then?
"As they watched TV that evening as a family he thought, yes, they feel like his family now. He needed his bed but he needed her to know his bed only. He needed her to be able to sleep. Tyler followed him to his room. You seem to be forgetting our arrangement, Tyler growled. I haven't forgotten, you're making me leave the thing I treasure most. How can I forget that? I'm just making the most of her until she hates me, he sighed. You know this is for the best right? She may hate you but at least she will be safe, Tyler said. Will she be? Without him protecting her? Hell, he would still do that!
"Yeah, he sighed. Just let me enjoy her until tomorrow. I will honour our agreement as soon as we are back. It's going to kill me you know? he said. Bro, there's other girls but my sister is off limits. You'll see, Tyler said as he glared at him. No one was going to come close. He'd never hated Tyler and much as he hated him now. He left the room and he flopped on the bed and screamed into his pillow. What if he ran away and took her with him? Nope, too extreme. Lose Tyler to be with her? He would probably find a way to keep him away from her anyway. He'd probably ship her off to Alaska or something.
"Hell, he couldn't see any way of keeping her. Could they not just keep reliving today over and over? He felt so sick, his whole world was going to end tomorrow. He's grown to love falling asleep with her in his arms. The fuck did she need to know his sister's name for? His Sister's name sounded like his Angel's, was it destiny bringing them together? He would like nothing more than his two favourite people to meet.
"She stripped in front of him, man, this is what you call a sex tape, he thought. She was so erotic and she was happy and carefree. He couldn't look away as he was caught up in her spell. He needed her completely naked. I need to feel all of you, she begged. Christ, it was as if she was talking directly to his cock. It was easier knowing she wasn't knocked up, Tyler would surely kill him then. He needed her to remember how much he loved her. The quicker she rode him the more lost he was in her.
"She fell asleep after they climaxed. He traced his finger across her soft skin. Tears flowed from his eyes, how was he going to do this? This was going to be the hardest thing he'd ever done. Tear continued to come. So, he scarificed the best thing in his life to save her from her pain. He'd do it again but he wished she was still his secret girlfriend. He cried himself to sleep like a soppy bastard."
My breath gets caught in my throat, "It killed you didn't it? As it killed me?"
"Yes," he admits. "It didn't help that I was feeling your pain too." I frown, what does that mean? "Bro! Tyler yelled waking him up. Make sure you're decent because I'm coming in. He grabbed the duvet and hoisted up his Angel. He held the duvet protecting her as she slept. I need to talk to you, Tyler snapped. Can it not wait? he whispered trying not to wake her up. No, get up, Tyler glared at his Angel in his bed. He probably realised she was naked. He kissed her forehead before he got up.
"She started mumbling in her sleep, was this the last time she would sleep well? He left his room and found Tyler. We are leaving after breakfast. We can get lunch somewhere and then you end it, Tyler growled. Fuck mate, I heard you okay? This is getting really tiresome, he sighed. Alright, I won't say it again, just make sure you do it, Tyler agreed. He heard Riley scream and he stopped mid sip of his drink. He was going to have to get used to this. Shall I go Honey? Abigail offered. Umm, I'd better go, he said. He laughed, she's naked, he smirked and she laughed.
"He grabbed his Angel face in his hands. He just got her to accept that she needed him and he will rip that away from her. Pfft, like he'd let that psycho near her if he was alive, let alone get the better of him. How was it a rational thought when he was dead? He needed her one last time so he took her to the shower. Last night wasn't enough for him. He had until they left to claim her. He held her as he cherished her.
"He can't he thought. The closer he got the more he knew he couldn't do it. She was his lifeline. He needed to touch every inch of her. You're healing my broken heart, she said. He was, he won't be when Tyler makes him leave her. He dread to think the damage he would do. He needed her to remember! He didn't want her thinking he used her. He wanted her to remember how much he really loved her.
"He tried to push the feeling of impending doom aside as he made love to her. He was high off her, he'd never felt this connected with anyone before. He'd never felt this high off someone before. She made him feel so much more, on such a deeper level. She reached places inside of him that he didn't know existed. Flynn, she begged. I know baby, I know, he thought. He still needed more of her. She never disappointed him, ever. He needed longer, he needed more time than this. How would he ever leave the shower knowing it was the last time?
"She was his and he held her just so, he couldn't help but think she was missing out. She didn't know that it was the last time and she couldn't savour it as he was. Maybe ignorance was bliss. He was feeling so sick at the thought that maybe he'd rather not know that it was coming to an end. He would miss it there. He hadn't felt at home anywhere since his parents died. Having homecooked meals every day, having a family to watch tv with, to feel safe when he went to bed, to do activities with family. He didn't know how much he missed his family until he adopted his own. He couldn't wait to come back here if his Angel would let him.
"He packed his bag and her meds. He'd need to remember to give her those. Would she remember to take them? Would she choose to take them? Maybe if he saw her once a day just to administer them. Hell! It was too hard. He packed her clothes, he'd need them for a momento for himself. She was in a good mood as she greeted everyone at the table. Lee Lee, Tyler said. He loved her unconditionally but why was he so willing to crush her? Abigail got emotional, he'd be back, if he was still accepted.
"Abigail hugged him and he said, Thank you for everything, you made a home for me when I thought I'd never have that. Don't make me cry even more Honey, you're part of this family, whatever happens, she said. Thank you, son, continue doing what you're doing. Remember, just message me about that car, Hayden said. He rolled his eyes. Ready? Tyler said. No, he would never be ready for what was going to happen. Interesting, country girl wanna be?
"Yes, he could see that, cowboy boots and a hat. Nothing else on her just that, in the back of a truck waiting for him to make love to her. Yes, that would be good."
"You really are a pervert," I joked. "You know, Nathan asked me what my perfect date would be."
"What has that fucker got to do with anything?" he growls.
"Fucking hell, now I know it's jealousy this whole rage it's exhausting and cute," I add quickly. "When he asked, I thought a perfect date would be anything with Flynn and only him. But, if I got to choose, it would be on the back of a truck looking up at the stars with you and only you."
"Hmm, I'll make it happen baby, but know you'll be naked when it happens," I blush as he carries on. "His anxiety was growing by the second. When they returned and Jesse scooped his girl into his arms he had to get him to back off if he were to leave her. He didn't want to fucking do it. How did she know? Yes, it was Tyler but it was also him. He was no good for her. He will never be enough.
"He needed to find the strength to finish it. I don't belive you. Everything you said. . . she cried. That's it baby, you are getting this. Fight! Remember! He begged silently. She's not broken, I can't fix someone when I'm fucked up myself, he said. That was harsh, he shouldn't have said that. He instantly regretted his words. He loved fixing her. She lobbed at book at him but missed. He knew she had better aim than that. She wanted to push him out but she couldn't. He could hear her sobs through the door. I'm sorry baby, he said silently. He didn't want to leave her.
"Tears fell from is face as he heard her pain in her sobs. Bro? Tyler said. He looked at him but didn't remove his forehead off her door. Sis? he called through the door. She wasn't going to let him in. She was never going to let anyone in anymore. He hoped he was happy. Her cries turned into hysterical cries. She was ripping him apart with her pain. He should have fought harder against Tyler. Nothing was worth her in that much pain. He couldn't hear her cry anymore so he ran downstairs and grabbed a bottle. I hear you bagged Blake, I guess you bagged everyone's sloppy seconds, Matty joked. The hell did he say to him?"
     Rude. Sloppy seconds? I'll be sure to hit him for it later and accidentally forget that my hits hurt.
"Sloppy seconds? How dare he degraded her, he punched him and stormed off out of the house. He walked to his safe place as he drank straight from the bottle. He could see why she resorted to drink but how did she build up such a tolerance and not cringe? He sat at the cliff looking out onto the city. His insides felt like they were being ripped apart. How was he going to see her in so much pain? He flexed his sore hand but it was nothing close to the pain of losing her."
I grab his hand to comfort him, I didn't realise he was hurting as much as me. If I had known I would have helped him. "Tyler kept ringing but he ignored him. He needed to be alone. It was quiet there but all he could hear were her sobs. He tried to hold on to the good memories but when he closed his eyes he saw her crying, withdrawing. He drank to block it all out. She didn't even put up a fight as though she didn't feel worthy. She gave in so easy. She believed his lies so easily. He wished she fought harder, he wished she didn't accept it and made him stay. What could Tyler do then?
"He kept drinking the vodka. He'd never drunk like that before. He liked to drink but never neat. Will the pain fade over time? He couldn't imagine so. He'd lost a part of himself so how will he ever feel normal again? Will she resort to drink? Will she self harm? Will she walk into the ocean without him there? Nothing was certain anymore. He couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. She was leading his way with her bright light but now she was fading. Her light was going out.
"He woke to his phone ringing and he felt like shit. Bro, where you at! Tyler shouted down the phone. Stop shouting, he groaned. Where the hell are you? Tyler demanded. He opened his eyes, he must have passed out at the cliff. He ached so bad sleeping on the hard ground. I'm on my way back now, he grumbled taking the vodka with him. He staggered back to the house.
"Did you end up in a girls bed? Tyler accused. Urgh, even drunk as a skunk he couldn't do that. He didn't think a girl would be too impressed if he couldn't get hard. No, he groaned. Is she okay? he sighed. She passed out around 3 am. She will be fine bro, she needs time, Tyler assured him. She was crying for hours and hours! He didn't think he could hear her crying for that long as much as he wanted to stay with her.
"When he got to the house Tyler was waiting. Are you still drunk? he demanded when he saw the state he was in. No, I'm hanging, he held his head. I don't need to worry about the both of you, pull yourself together, Tyler warned. How was he supposed to do that when part of him was in agony upstairs? Had he not lost someone he loves deeply. In fact, he'd never heard him talking about being in love. He started walking up the stairs. Did she kick you out already, Archer? Jesse mocked. He slammed him against the wall with his forearm against his neck.
"Bro! Tyler stressed. Calm down, I heard you punched Matty last night too. Get a grip, Tyler warned. He released him and walked to his room. When he got ready he walked downstairs and looked back at the stairs. He didn't like them both leaving her there. How long would she lock herself in her room this time? When they reached Duke Regan ran towards him and hugged him. He didn't return the hug. Are you okay? she asked. No, he wasn't fucking okay. He started walking and Regan took his hand but he withdrew. He couldn't! He couldn't fucking be close to anyone other than her anymore.
"Even if they weren't together he still felt as though he was cheating on her. Are you breaking up with me? Regan asked. He turned and glared at her, I'm not doing this right now! he growled and walked away. He's not breaking up with you, he's just in a bad mood this morning, Tyler said. He really fucking hated Tyler right then. Sure, he's trying to do what's best for his sister even though it was wrong but what about him? His best friend, did he not care how he felt?
"He went through the agonising day. His rage was out of control. After work he went back to the frat house, Hey bro, you want to go to dinner with us? Tyler asked. No, he snapped. Why would he want to go to dinner with Matty and Tristan who both fucked his girl! I don't think you've ever said no before, Tyler said. He walked up the stairs to his room and grabbed the vodka bottle. He walked to Riley's door and slid down the door. She was still crying, each cry had him knocking back the vodka.
"He couldn't blame her for blocking it out with booze now. He stayed for hours listening to her cries. Why are you on the floor? You look a mess, Archer, does she hate you? Nathan laughed. He climbed to his feet but swayed. He wrapped his hand around Nathan's throat and got up in his face. What the hell Nathan said. Don't speak to me, don't say her name. If you go near her again, I'll kill you. Do you understand? he growled.
"Jesus, is it not up to her? What are you, her guard dog? Nathan protested. He punched him in the ribs. Christ, what the fuck is wrong with you? Nathan gasped. You'll stay away from her! he yelled. Fine! he agreed and he scurried off down stairs. He returned to his position on the floor by her door. He rested his cheek on the door as he closed his eyes listening to her cries."
"Why?" I choke. "Why would you tortment yourself like that?"
"Because you needed me. I needed to feel close to you." He shrugs, "I'm here baby, I'll always be with you. You'll never be alone, he thought. Bro! What are you doing? Tyler growled. Are you drunk again? He didn't care. Come on, let's get you in your bed, Tyler said helping him to his feet. She made this drunk shit look easy, he laughed as he clung to Tyler for support. You met her months after her drinking started. She built up a tolerance, she was a drunken mess like you at the start. Come on, Tyler said. She's just some girl you've only known less than two months. Stop doing this! Tyler urged.
"She's not some girl, she's special. She's an Angel you know? She was brought to me from heaven to pull me out of the darkness. She's the most beautiful thing on this earth. It fucking hurts bro, her pain is my pain. We are one, so to be apart, I can't breathe. I feel as though you've cut off a limb and I'm bleeding out."
I smile with watery eyes, "Drunk Flynn, is cute. Really cute, Riley loves drunk Flynn, she can't resist him." I bite my lip.
He raises his eyebrow, "Is that so?" he smiles and he prizes my bottom lip away from my teeth with his thumb and he bites my bottom lip and I gasp. "How drunk are you? Tyler asked. He fell up the stairs, shit! Bro! Tyler stressed. You're fucking heavy, help me, Tyler insisted. He pulled him to his feet as he held the wall. Everything was spinning. He reached his bed and flopped on it. Tyler removed his shoes and prized the bottle away from him.
"I love you bro, he said. I love ya too man, now sleep this off, Tyler said as he sniggered. Yes, sir! he saluted." See cute, "He wished the agony would end. He needed something to give. He needed some relief. The next few days were the same. Uni, work, then drink himself to oblivion outside her door. He knew she was still alive because he could hear her crying." He pauses, "Now, you have to understand I was a mess. I had to see," he implores. "Please don't hate me but I feel as though you should know."
I nod, "When they arrived at Uni Regan walked to them cautiously. He needed to see once and for all. He grabbed Regan's hand and he pulled her with him. Catch you later, bro, he yelled to Tyler and Tyler smirked. He dragged Regan to a quiet private place behind the buildings. He pinned her against the wall and kissed her. He thought he'd lost his mind but that was okay. He needed to see if he could be with someone else. Riley couldn't be it now, surely?
"It must be all in his head, he thought. He took her hands and slid them to his abs. He squeezed her tits. He needed to feel something! Anything! He removed her top so she was in her bra. He stepped back to look at her and still nothing! Flynn, she begged. He shook his head, that's what his Angel says. Play with your tits, Regan, he demanded. Please, he said. That was a sure turn on before. Would she be brave enough? He should have supplied her with Alcohol first.
"Here? she said. Why not there? No one was watching, not that he cared if they were. Yes, Regan, he demanded. Please me," I feel sick. "She cupped her breasts, I need to see, he said. I'd prefer you to do it she said. She needed to do this, it was a test. No, you do it, he pressed. She followed his command yet, nothing! He looked down at his crotch, nothing? Really? he said silently. Are you broken or what? He looked back at Regan. She was enjoying it but he was not feeling anything. Now, I need you to finger yourself, he said.
"I can't, not here, she gasped. If you don't want to do this then, I won't make you, he shrugged. He wasn't even enjoying it anyway. This was the tester as her hand slipped down. He couldn't resist girls doing that. I love you, Flynn, she called as she orgasmed. The fuck! Why the fuck would she tell him she loved him? He wasn't even nice to her! Well, that test was a real failure. So even his most kinky desires don't get him off anymore. He couldn't even take control in the bedroom anymore if he couldn't get hard. He walked away, he was a dick for leaving her after that but he never claimed to be a decent human being. Was he going to be dickless for the rest of his life?"