Forever Lost

Chapter 32

I walk around the garden examining the stations. They've gone all out. I can't stop the tears leaking from my eyes though. I thought I was going to have to do this alone, without my family.
To see this though. It takes my breath away. They really do care and I feel like shit for the way I treated them all. I have a lot of making up to do. Saying sorry just won't cut it.
My eyes glide to Tyler trying to lift a chair. "Tyler, don't you dare!" I shout. "No heavy lifting."
He glares at me, "How else are we all going to sit down?" Jax comes out of know where and slaps his backside and Tyler's eyes widen.
"I'll help," Jax grins. "Let me be your man," he winks. Jax lifts up the chair and moves it. He moves a few more chairs in the process. I giggle, he's too cute.
Tyler holds his melon as he tries to sit down. "Fuck," he mutters. He ends up falling into the chair more than anything.
Mom comes back out with Joan behind her. Joan comes to me and goes to touch my bump. I make sure I place my hand over hers as she does. "Congratulations dear. I didn't know you were pregnant."
I smile down at her, she's 4ft nothing with a hunched back. Complete grey hair that she has in short curls as if she's permed it. "Neither did I until a month ago."
"What a blessing it is. After what happened to you. I remember being pregnant. My ankles always hurt but I treasured every moment feeling them grow inside me," she smiles up at me.
I help guide her to a chair and mom passes her a cup of tea. I sit down in a chair and look at Tyler. "Ty, can you get me a drink please," I smile sweetly.
He nods and goes to get up but the bump gets in the way. He frowns and tries again. "Fuck! You did this on purpose."
I smile innocently at him and my family laugh at his expense. "Your nephew is thirsty," I shrug.
He grips the armrests and spreads his legs and hauls himself up. He's too cute. I love messing with him. "Some time today, Ty," I complain.
He glares at me and heads to the drinks table. Flynn flops in the chair next to me and holds my hand. "I love you," he grins.
I hold his melon with my hand. "How's our little munchkin doing?" I bite my lip.
He puts his hand over mine, "Fucking heavy, my back hurts," he groans. "You know you didn't need to do this. I already knew how hard it was for you."
"I know, it just makes me feel better. Besides, I love to annoy my brother," I grin. He matches my grin and he kisses my lips.
"Right, presents time I think and then games," Mom announces. Tyler passes me a drink and heads back to Ruby. He kisses her lips and passes her a drink.
He got himself a drink too. Probably saves him getting up again. He sips his beer bottle once he's fallen into the chair. He holds his melon as if it's second nature. I'm sure he will make a good dad. Maybe this will help him want to be a dad.
Ade brings me her gift first. I thank her and she sits back down. "Now I know it's not conventional. But I felt as though it might be something close to your heart." She seems a little nervous about it.
What the hell did she buy me? I hesitantly open it and it's a candle. I turn it over. 'Our Blake Angel, we will always love you. Fly high little one'.
Fuck, in memory of my baby that died. Christ, tears fall from my face as I put my hand on my mouth. The baby I lost and still think about. I might never tell anyone but it's something deep in my heart.
I look at her with blurry eyes. Celebrating life today by cherishing ones we lost. "Thank you Ade, this means so much." I might not talk about it because it hurts but this is such a lovely present.
First time openly expressing my loss. It might not have been what I wanted back then, considering who the father was but no less loved. I tried not to dwell on it too much but I would have kept the baby if I didn't lose them.
Jax brings over a table to place in front of me and I place the candle on the table for everyone to admire. The baby I lost deserves to have a place in this family.
I can't stop looking at it. "You're welcome honey, although we're celebrating the arrival of this baby. I thought you'd appreciate to celebrate the baby that is still very much loved."
"It's so thoughtful. I may not talk about it but no less loved." I nod wiping my tears. Dark Riley may have destroyed it with the pain but I'm glad she gave it to me when my walls are down. I welcome the pain.
I wonder what Flynn thinks about that. Would he have accepted the baby if I hadn't lost it? Pop's brings over the next presents. They've actually bought a few. I open the smaller one which is a soft grey cocoon type blanket.
It's even got legs and a cute hood. It's so cute. I open one of the big boxes next and it's a grey bedside bassinet. That's brilliant actually. Genius even, whoever made these needs a medal.
I let Flynn open the next one. He is the dad after all. He rips it open to reveal a box. I look at the picture and it's a baby cot. Winnie the Pooh themed. White with grey edges. Grey bars. A white pull out drawer underneath. Grey writing that reads 'pooh and friends' with grey stars around the edge.
It's too cute. A pooh and eeyore sticker on the ends of the cot that reads 'A dream and a wish'.
It's adorable. I open another smallish present and it's bedding for the cot. Winnie the Pooh themed because what else would match?
My family know me so well. I used to love Winnie the Pooh as a kid. Still do, big kid at heart. "Nanny, pops these are amazing. Thank you."
"Oh," pops says. "Present for Dad." He jumps up and passes Flynn a bottle gift bag. "You'll need it son." Flynn pulls out a bottle of jagermeister.
Flynn laughs, "Thank you. When she's pulling my hair out this will come in handy," Flynn jokes.
I carefully slap is arm but he keeps laughing. How on earth we're going to get this all back to the apartment I don't know. Where am I going to store it all? Tears flow from my face again.
"Honey, what's wrong?" Mom asks.
"How am I going to install all this? I didn't even know how to use a spanner," I sob.
Mom laughs lightly, "Honey, that's what men are for. If Flynn can't figure it out then Dad will do it. He's put up some cribs before," mom reassures me.
Flynn holds my head and kisses my cheek. "I'll be sure to tell Nathan that you said spanner instead of screwdriver baby. Don't sweat this, I'm actually pretty fucking excited to put this all up. Remember I'm good at fixing things."
I smile, yeah I remember. I nod as he wipes my tears. Mom and dad move Nanny and pops's presents to the side and bring over their presents. I have a feeling I won't need to buy much when the time comes with all these presents.
I call Miley over and pass her a present to open. She beams at me when she's given one to open. She hugs it when she does. It looks like a pillowed shaped as an elephant.
She reads the writing on it. "Baby Archer-Blake," she says loud and clear. I look at Flynn and he grins at me.
"What? He's having our names hyphenated, right?" he asks. Well, it doesn't really sound like a question.
"Will I have my name hypha—" Miley frowns as she can't quite get the word out. "Hyphenated," she says slowly. Once she realises she gets the word out correctly she grins at me.
"Well done baby. Do you want to?" I ask her. I always kept her name Miley Archer as it's her parents name.
"Yes Mommy. I want to be the same as my baby brother." I nod and then look at dad. He nods at me and gets his phone out, typing on the screen. He's amazing.
I open the next big box, we're going to need a truck to deliver this lot back. It's a black and grey Winnie the Pooh pram set. I have a feeling the all conferred with each other and went with the same theme.
It has a car seat, carry cot and stroller for when baby is older. It also has a travel cot. Man, my family think of everything. "Thank you mom and dad. These are amazing. Someone would think I like Winnie the Pooh," I joke.
They all laugh with me. Tyler brings me over some presents. He passes one to Miley too. Did he buy her a gift too? That's sweet.
"For me uncle Tyler?" she asks ever hopeful.
"Couldn't forget you now could I kid?" She rips it open and it's a cute pink teddy bear. "Thank you uncle Tyler." She hugs it and runs to Tyler who's flopped in his chair again.
She climbs up and hugs him on his side as the melon is in the way. Flynn opens the smaller present and it's the same bear only smaller. It has a little blanket attached and obviously it's blue. "Thanks, mate," Flynn says.
I think he means more about including Miley as well. I open the slightly larger present. It's a large matching changing bag. "Thank you."
"Welcome sis," he says. Can't imagine he organised the bag but I'd say that he was thoughtful about the bears. Considering he got me another Rosie on my birthday.
Ruby stands and brings me hers. In all fairness I thought Tyler's would be a joint thing. I open it and lift up the outfit.
Tears leak from my eyes again. It's a white top and black trousers. The trousers say 'little man' in white writing. The top reads 'Daddy and Me , Best Buddies for life'. It also has a big hand and a little hand doing a fist bump.
Fuck! I'm blubbering like an idiot again. I hold it up for everyone to see. I look at Flynn and he's crying too. I pop it on his lap and he stares at it. I kiss his cheek and he looks at me and smiles. "Sorry everyone, this is my favourite. Thanks Ruby."
Everyone laughs. He keeps touching it as if it will disappear. Jax passes me a present and I smile at him. He has that smirky grin on his face. "Do I want to open this?" I raise my eyebrow.
"You're gunna love them babe," he winks at me. From the look on his face I'm not so sure. I open it and there's two baby grows inside. I lift the first one up and it reads 'Watch your mouth asshole, I'm a baby'.
I throw my head back and laugh. "Jax," I whine. I'm always moaning about their language so it seems fitting. I hold it up for everyone to see. It has Tyler in stitches.
I lift up the next one and it reads-