Forever Lost

Chapter 9

"So what happened?" he says. I'm so glad Jax is gay because I'm so comfortable around him. I can be myself without fearing he wants something I can't give him. He makes me feel safe as does Tyler.
"My sickness came back, Heidi wanted me to come in and be monitored."
"So you told him?"
"Well, it was unintentional. He figured out I was here and then he touched my stomach and he flipped out."
"He seems to have calmed down now," he frowns.
"Yeah, after he told me he fucking hates me. I mean I deserve it, I kept it from him but I tried so hard to let him be happy."
He strokes my cheek and it settles me. "Hey, no one deserves to be spoken to like that, I don't care how hot he is!" he bites his lip and I playfully push him. "What was the cuffs all about? Kinky," he winks at me.
"He's fed up of me not doing as I'm told so he cuffed me. He always threatened before he would, brings back memories," I smile and his mouth drops open.
"He used them on you didn't he?" he demands. "Tell me more, babe!"
"You're so horny!" I giggle.
"Yes, you have to tell me now," he insists.
"Fine, he blindfolded me, cuffed my wrists to my legs," I blush.
"Then what? Did he fuck your brains out?"
"Not at first," I bite my lip and he looks at me intrigued. "He used a vibrator first," his mouth drops open.
"Man, looks, charm and bedroom secrets. Did he make you come?"
"Multiple times," Jax chuckles.
"Can I borrow him for a night, just one, I'm not greedy?"
I laugh, "He's not mine to offer, besides he might be good but he's not gay."
"I've been known to turn the straightest guys," he winks at me. "Besides your neck turned me on," I blush.
"Oh, Jax, nice to see you dear," Heidi says. "Riley, I'm clocking out. I'll see you tomorrow?" she says and I turn my head to her and she strokes my hair.
"See you tomorrow," I say and she leaves us. Jax and I talk for hours until he falls asleep. It takes me a long time to be able to sleep.
"The hell?" Flynn growls and I grumble. I try slapping his voice away but end up slapping a face. I blink and open my eyes and Jax's face is inches from mine and our hands are locked. I don't know why he's so annoyed, for one Jax is gay and two he's with Scarlett. He's got no right to be mad!
I roll on my back and blink. Flynn comes to me and places his hand on my tummy and I grab his hand. "Hey," he says.
"What are you doing here?" I mumble. I still feel tired but I guess I still didn't sleep enough because Flynn wasn't here. Jax kept holding me when my nightmares took hold.
"You're here with my child, where else would I be?" he frowns at me.
"I told you! I'm not ruining your life. You should be with Scarlett. I'm tired of having this conversation. I'm doing this alone," he groans at me.
"Stop fighting with me about everything! I told you we need to talk about this when you're better. Pregnant Riley is fucking hell!" I roll my eyes and Jax wakes next to me.
"I could get used to this, waking up to Hottie right in front of me." I laugh and Flynn glares at him.
"Good Morning, guys," Heidi says and I smile at her, "How are you feeling Riley?"
"I need to go home now, I'm fine, I want normality back. I want to be alone," Flynn glares at me but it seems to be the norm.
"Let's see if you can keep breakfast down and I'll discharge you, dear," I nod and Jax climbs out of my bed. She places some cornflakes on my table and I stare at it. "You need dry food, no milk, no cheese."
I pick up the spoon, "No milk?" I question again and she smiles as she shakes her head. I scoop the food in and Flynn walks around my bed to the empty side and climbs on the bed where Jax was. He places his hand on my stomach again. I'm feeling fine, I don't need him to do this anymore. I shovel more in and chew loudly.
"It's nice to see your appetite is back," Heidi says and I swallow. I continue to shove it in my mouth until it's all gone. "More?" I nod and she smiles and leaves the room.
"I need to get to work, babe, call if you need anything?" Jax says and I nod. He comes to me and kisses my lips and Flynn coughs. "Did you want a kiss too Hottie?"
"Gross just stop kissing her, please," he begs and I laugh. Jax leaves the room and it's just Flynn and me.
"Is Miley okay?"
"I think she was better this morning after she saw you. She really is the devil child when you're not there."
"She's an Angel, I don't know what you're talking about." I know she can be but she's generally pretty good with me.
"That bloody dog kept me up all night! He just won't stop crying!" he grumbles.
"Blame Tyler, he got the dog. He looks after me," I shrug and he smiles.
"At least someone is allowed to look after you," he rolls his eyes. Heidi returns and I tuck into the cornflakes again.
"Do you have a scan picture?" Flynn asks. "I looked in your apartment but I couldn't find it. I thought it might be in your diary but no go."
"You don't have a right to read my diary anymore Flynn, stop rooting around in my apartment," I mumble with my mouthful. "I do have a scan picture though," I shrug.
"Okay, so where is it?"
"You don't want this Flynn, stop pretending."
"Fuck sake, Ri, just tell me."
"Between us where he belongs."
"Stop talking in riddles, Ri, I'm too tired."
"Grouchy this morning," I roll my eyes. "In my photo album of us that my Mom gave me. He's slotted between us."
"I didn't even think to look there," he frowns. I finish the bowl again, Flynn doesn't let my tummy go. I slide my legs out of bed and Flynn's hand moves from my tummy to my wrist. "Where are you going now?"
"I need a wee, Flynn," he lets my wrist go and he walks briskly to my side. Heidi removes the IV for me and Flynn lifts me up. "I didn't break my legs, Flynn, you are being ridiculous."
"I told you, I'm not taking any chances anymore." I roll my eyes as he carries me down the hall. I can't wait to go home. He doesn't stop where Tyler did, I knew he wouldn't wait outside. Luckily no one is in the ladies. He sets me on my feet, "Hurry up," he growls and I roll my eyes. I enter the cubicle and fall on the toilet. I groan, "What the fuck happened?"
"Calm down Flynn, I'm just weak, okay?" I quickly go to the loo and I stand up. I waddle to the sink and wash my hands. Flynn picks me up and I groan. I don't want this anymore, I don't need him taking care of me.
He carries me back into my room and lowers me on the bed. "Flynn, just go see Scarlett for god sake," I grumble.
"Just give it a rest, it's over, okay? I ended it when I found out about my baby," my mouth drops open.
"You are so stupid! I told you nothing had to change!" I slide my legs out of bed. "I'll fix this, I will talk to her right now!" he quickly cuffs me back to the bed and I pull against it. "Flynn!"
"Just shut up! Stop trying to fix everything, I can make my own choices! If you didn't shut it off we wouldn't be here. Just remove this stupid wall already!"
"Obviously you can't because you are making the wrong one. I gave up everything for you to be with her! You can't just flip a switch like this and leave her, I can't accept that!"
He swings my legs back on the bed and holds them there, "You are really testing my patience today."
"Then go, I didn't ask you to be here," I sit back on the bed frustrated.
"You better fucking get used to it because I'm not letting you push me away anymore." I groan and Heidi walks in.
"Riley I need to take some more blood. If results are fine you can go home," I nod and she draws blood from my arm. We wait for an hour and I get the all-clear to go home. Flynn carries me to the car in my PJ's even though I wanted to get dressed but he really is being overbearing.
When we arrive at my front door he sets me on my feet. He unlocks my door and Rex jumps up at me. I'm thrown backwards but luckily Flynn catches me before I fall. "No," Flynn growls at my dog.
"Leave him alone, Flynn. He's a sensitive dog," I pat Rex and he jumps playfully in front of me. I walk to the couch but Flynn spins me around to the bathroom. "You are really pissing me off."
"You'll feel better after a bath," I roll my eyes as I enter the bathroom. Rex whines and lays on the bathroom floor watching me.
"Flynn, leave!" I insist but he ignores me. He lifts the hoodie over my head. "I don't want you to see me naked."
"You are like a broken record," he groans. "You. Are. Not. Pushing. Me. Away!" I roll my eyes and he pulls my top over my head. He unclasps my bra and he slides it down my arms and it falls at my feet. He kneels and pulls my leggings and panties down and I step out of them. He stands up and looks me up and down. "I don't like it," he mutters.
"Yes we've established that!" I growl. "You don't want kids, so leave!"
"Oh, it's not that! I love the baby bump on you and your bigger tits," he shakes his head. "You've lost too much weight, you were skinny before." I roll my eyes and I walk to the bath and he helps me in. I ease into the water and lean back. I shut my eyes and enjoy the calm. Flynn leaves the bathroom and I relax a bit more.
I open my eyes when he returns into the room. He sits on the floor leaning against the wall with his legs out in front of him and flicks through my photo album of us. He stops on the page with the baby scan and he traces the picture with his finger. "I still hate that you didn't tell me."
"Why would I when I heard you say to Scarlett that you didn't want kids. He's my little miracle baby, I never thought I'd ever have my own kids and you know what? I was okay with that because I have Miley."
"You still should have told me regardless," he sighs.
"I would never destroy your happiness." He puts the album down and crawls over to me. He stops when we are nose to nose.
"I know," he whispers. His eyes bore into me and everything charges and I move my head away to stop this feeling. He sighs and he washes me. Once I'm done he dries me and puts me in PJ's and a hoodie. He makes me lunch and makes me take my meds.
I lay on the sofa and I start to feel drowsy. It's too early to sleep yet, is it because Flynn has been around me for too long that he's making me sleepy? I try keep my eyes open watching the film but it's no use. My eyes close and I'm gone.
I fall in and out of sleep but the darkness always wins, "She's going to kill you, bro," I hear Tyler say and I am lost again. When I wake I rub my eyes. I take in my surroundings and I'm in my parent's living room on their couch.
"Flynn!" I scream. The fuck did he do? How did I sleep through this? I told him I couldn't come back here and he ignored me. I hear voices in the other room.
"Hell, there goes our quiet evening." I hear Flynn groan. I sit up on the sofa, "Don't you dare, Ri!" he says as he walks into the room. He comes towards me and swings my legs back on the sofa.
"I'm going to fucking kill you," I growl. "How the fuck did I sleep through that!"
"I asked your midwife for a safe sleeping tablet. It's your Mom's birthday and she needs you here. I wasn't going to leave you on your own now was I?"
I scream and he covers my mouth. He drugged me? He's an arsehole, still controlling me. I see Mom come into the room and she looks at me like I'm her favourite person. "Are you feeling better honey?"
Flynn uncovers my mouth, "You didn't tell her?"
"Tyler promised you that you'll tell her," he shrugs.
"Tell me what?" she asks.
"Where's Hayden?" I groan. She cringes at the name.
"Your Dad is in the other room," she says.
"Am I allowed to be here?" I snap. After last night we saw each other I'm not so sure.
"Of course, Lee, I told you he's sorry."
"Fine, go get him. I'm not repeating it," she nods and leaves the room.
"Go easy on her, Ri. She loves you and you're being an arse," I roll my eyes and I sit up and he lets me. He sits next to me and puts his hand on my leg. He must have covered me in a blanket again. Mom and Dad enter the room and they sit on the couch opposite us.
"Lee, I really am sorry. I'm so glad you're here," he says. He looks sorry but I'm just not that into this.
"Save it, I'm only here because he bloody kidnapped me."
"Don't exaggerate," Flynn moans.
"Drugging me and forcing me here against my will that's not kidnap?" I roll my eyes. "Any how, when I called you the other day I was in hospital."
"Hospital? Why didn't you tell me? You were so scared, I nearly drove there despite your protest," Mom says. Her hands over her mouth.
Flynn looks at me, "You were scared and you called your Mom? Maybe we are closer than we thought," he says hopeful and I roll my eyes.
"I was scared, I was alone. I've been very poorly," I shrug and Mom continues cover her mouth. Tears trickle down her face. "I didn't have a bug, I was sick but it wasn't that. I've been sick for a long time really. I was quite sick at Flynn's meal."
"Oh Honey, what's wrong with you?" Mom asks.
"Nothing is wrong," I insist. "Well, I've had severe sickness and Nausea which meant I couldn't keep anything down even my heart meds. They were worried about my heart because it's been abnormal."
"Honey, do I need to call the Doctor, Alec?"
I shake my head, "Mom, they've sorted my meds out. I'm good, I just need to tell you something." They look at me confused, "So, I know you are already grandparents to Miley and I always hated that I couldn't give you any."
"Honey, it's okay," Mom says.
"It's more than, okay," I insist and they frown. I remove the blanket from my belly and lift up my Hoodie and top and I place my hands on my belly.
Mom squeals and jumps from her seat and runs towards me, "Oh Honey, congratulations." She hugs me and then places her hand on my tummy and I hold her hand. "Oh sorry," she mutters.
"It hurts me for you to touch my scar," I reassure her, "It's okay," I keep my hand on hers as I find this acceptable.
"Please tell me Flynn is the Father," Mom demands and I roll my eyes.
"Unfortunately," I mumble and Flynn growls.
"Are we expecting Riccardo?" she asks.
"No, I finished with him. Everything was too hard and well, I was getting too fat for him not to notice."
"Good, he wasn't right for you," she smiles. She removes her hand from my stomach and I cover my belly again. She returns to a shell shocked Dad and she holds his hand. "Isn't this good news?"
"I haven't decided," he whispers. I frown at him, "It's a blessing if it changes you back," I go to stand up but Flynn doesn't let me.
I ignore his snide comment, "Where's Miley?" I ask Flynn.
"She's literally bouncing off the walls waiting to see you. Tyler is pulling his hair out," I smile and he gets up and leaves the room.
"Do you have any pickles?" I ask Mom and she frowns. "He craves pickles and ice cream all the time!" I exaggerate.
"Let me check, Honey," she gets off the couch and leaves the room. Miley comes running in with a barking Rex and they both jump on me.
"Careful, Honey," I gasp. She hugs me tightly.
"Stop leaving me, Mommy!" she whimpers.
"I'm sorry baby, I'm here with you," I reassure her. Mom returns with a jar of pickles and I smile. I hold my hand out and I struggle to open them. Dad stands up and comes to me and opens the jar. "Thank you," I say and he nods. I dip my fingers in and grab a pickle and chew on it.
Flynn walks back into the room with Tyler and Ruby. "Riley, you heard your midwife. Dry foods," he scolds.
"Ew, no!" Tyler protests.
"What?" Mom asks.
"She made me go to the shop a while ago late at night. She said she wanted pickles and ice cream. She literally dipped the pickles in the mint ice cream."
"He loves it," I hold my belly and eat another pickle and they all laugh.
"Can you handle dinner? It's going to be ready soon?" Mom asks.
"Umm, what is it?" I ask.
"Well, when Flynn told me you were coming I did corned beef hash. You haven't gone off that too have you?" she asks anxiously.
"Hmm, it's a go, I think." Mom smiles and leaves the living room. I can't stop eating the pickles and Flynn takes them off me.
"Although it's good to see you eat, let's not push it," I frown and he laughs. "Your hormones are raging." I poke my tongue out at him.
"Mommy!" I call and she pokes her head around the corner and smiles. "He's really thirsty," I say. "Please can I gave some water," she smiles and disappears. Flynn leaves the room with my pickles and I sigh. "Honey, are you okay?" I ask Miley who's still clung to me.
"You're poorly," she looks up at me.
"I'm better, Doctor's fixed me. Your brother was making me a bit sick but now he's getting the nutrition he needs I am better."
"But, you look poorly."
"Flynn is overreacting. He wants me to rest when I'm fine." Flynn walks into the room with my water and I down it all. Mom calls us into the dining room and I stand with Miley in my arms and Flynn is right behind me. "Flynn, stop it, I can carry my own daughter," I growl.
I waddle with Miley in my arms to the dining room. I'm not even close to full pregnancy and the bump is already interfering with my daily tasks. I sit in my usual seat and Miley stays on my lap. Rex lays on my feet. Mom serves everyone their food and I grab my fork and shovel it in my mouth.
Man, this kid can eat. It takes me mere minutes to demolish my plate. "Honey, do you want some more?" Mom asks.
I shake my head, "It was amazing but no thanks. I'm already fat," I hold my belly and she frowns.
"You aren't fat, if you're still hungry you need to eat," she urges. "You always had a big appetite and now you're eating for two."
I sigh, "Fine, thanks," I say and she takes my plate and leaves the table. When she returns I scoff the lot before they are even finished. Mom and Ruby get rid of the plates and Mom returns with desserts and the smell of the strawberries on the cheesecake makes my stomach churn, hell!
I wrinkle my nose up and nothing settles it and I'll be damned if I'm sick again and go back to hospital. I hastily grab Flynn's hand and place it on my stomach. He looks at me, "Are you okay?"
"The smell of the strawberries," I say trying to hold my breath. The churning eases and I sigh with relief.
"I can't smell anything," he frowns.
"How can you not?" I gag. He slides closer to me and puts his arm around me and holds my stomach with his other hand. I bury my nose in his chest.
"Lee, are you okay?" Mom asks.
I put my thumb up, "The smell of the strawberries is making her feel sick. I can't even smell anything."
"Pregnancy heightens your senses, I remember mine with Tyler it was onions. With Lee it was Roses. Do you want me to take it away?"
"No, Flynn has it under control," I say with a blocked nose.
"Under control, how?" she asks.
"I figured out around my birthday if I touch her stomach her sickness stops." Mom's mouth falls open and I roll my eyes.
"How does that work? Nothing I did stopped my sickness."
"Who knows, I'm happy I can help," he says. Mom nods and finishes serving dessert and I decline. The sloshing in my tummy has stopped and thankfully Flynn didn't choose the cheesecake. He loves strawberries so I guess he did it on purpose.
We watch TV for a while. I put Miley to bed after a bath, she's shattered. I lay on the sofa and start drifting. "Is she staying in your room?" Mom asks.
"Fuck knows," he groans. "She's fucking hard work these days."
"No," I mumble. I do not want to sleep in the same bed he shared with Scarlett. It's gross.
"See," he confirms. If my eyes were open I'd definitely roll them. They should have just left me at my apartment.
"I'll sleep here," I say sleepily and scratch my itchy nose.
"Lee, you're pregnant you can't sleep on the couch. Sleep in the spare room," she insists.
"No," I protest. Why would I want to sleep there? I like to sleep where I'm comfortable.
"Why?" she asks.
"Not safe," I whisper.
"Flynn, what does she mean?" God, if I was more awake it would be infuriating. Why does it concern her anyway?
"Part of the reason why she hasn't come back here is because she doesn't feel safe. In her eyes, I protected her before. She always felt safe in my room with me."
"So she doesn't trust you anymore?" Hit the nail on the head. I don't trust him not to hurt me again but I trust him to take my demons away.
"I don't think that's it, I think it's because I brought Scarlett here," he sighs. Oh wow, now he's hit the nail on the head. At least he knows.
"Oh," Mom says.
He picks me up, "Guess I don't care," he sighs. "Good night," he says.
"Night guys," mom replies. I groan as he carries me up the stairs. He lowers me into his bed and I scream. He quickly covers my mouth.
"Shh, you'll wake Miley," he says and growl over his hand. "Don't make me cuff you to the bed," he growls. He releases me and leans to my ear, "We stayed in the spare room Ri, Miley stayed in here." I frown, "I didn't want to be clouding our memories."
He covers me with the covers and he strips into his boxers and climbs in next to me. Why would he do that? This is his room.
Rex lays next to me and I shut my eyes sleepily. He moves me on my side and hugs me and rests his hand on my belly. "We need to talk Ri, tomorrow," he insists. "But you need to sleep," he kisses my cheek.
What is there to talk about? I'm tired of having the same argument. I let the darkness take me.