Forever Lost

Chapter 20

"That's why she hates me so much, Tyler said," I shake my head. "Shh baby, I know that," he reassures me. "He told Tyler that he can't blame himself. He wasn't to know, did he know who it could be? The ex who we don't speak his name, he said." I cringe and he places a soft kiss on my forehead calming me. "He backtracked, he wasn't sure. They loved each other, he said. So she could love then, he thought. Would she not break down her walls because she still loves him?
"Tyler gave nothing away as usual. Tyler started freaking out, She didn't tell me, why? he said. We were so close. I should have been there when she needed me most, man, he yelled. Hell, even he was angry with himself that he wasn't there for her even when he didn't know her. He distracted Tyler with the Xbox but his mind was still reeling. He told Tyler he was going to bed but he had to check on her first.
"The door was locked but of course it was. He begged her to open the door as he rested his forehead on it. He needed to hold her but she wouldn't let him in. He dragged his feet to his room. At least his miserable mood got rid of the boner. It was actually getting painful. He slept uneasy without her as usual. He had nightmares of his Angel pinned underneath someone screaming for help. He woke to her actually screaming, ironic, huh?" he felt my pain even back then without me realising it.
"He got up and he walked downstairs and slid down her door and stayed with her to ride out her nightmare with her." I gasp.
"You stayed with me?" I whisper and he nods. "Why?"
"Listen to the story baby," he urges. "Her screams were worse but he couldn't leave. He had to be close to her. Did she scream because of her attacker? Is that what she sounded like when she was raped? He was only torturing himself but he couldn't help it. Once her screams stopped he went back to bed. Days passed with her locked in her room. His anxiety was through the roof. He vowed to himself if he didn't see her that day he would kick the door down.
"She could be dead and he wouldn't know. She could have choked on her vomit, gone to sleep and never wake up."
"Very morbid," I mutter but I love that he cared, even then.
"You don't know what you meant to me, I couldn't do shit then. Tyler went for food but he couldn't eat. Not without seeing her first. He was clock watching until a time of his choosing to kick the door down. He felt her and it was a relief, he looked up and she was a sight for sore eyes. So beautiful. Once she was out her room he wasn't letting her leave his side so he followed after her.
"No one would miss her when she was gone? Bull fucking shit. He was going out of his mind the past two days. He pulled her to his body, he missed her so much and she seemed more docile pushed up against him. Hate it when he touched her? No that couldn't be right. He was offended even though he knew it wasn't true. He needed constant contact and it seemed so right to hold her hand. He was never one for hand holding. He felt so out of control around her and he hated it. He was always in control.
"He classed it as a date you know? Lucky some would say," he grins.
"It was not a date," I retaliate.
"Well, he thought it was so don't burst his bubble. He will be heartbroken," I roll my eyes. He's being playfully cute and I'm enjoying his side of the story. "Didn't feel like his sister or their daughter? What could have possibly have happened if she felt like that? He loved that she acted jealous but he couldn't risk her leaving him if she knew the truth. He never set out to lie. He just needed some head start.
"Tyler had once said when she laughs it's enough to snap you out of any mood. The whole room would literally watch in awe. So when he heard her real laugh he was captured in her spell. He found himself loving her a bit more. Did he love her? He didn't know because he'd never loved anyone before. It was the best date ever to see her happy and smiling. So beautiful and whats more. She was sober.
"Her dull lifeless eyes were beginning to sparkle and he couldn't look away. He had to kiss her, life was shining through. She was begging to shine and she started to. She returned the kiss and hell she deepened the kiss. Did she not know how hard it was for him to control himself. He had to pull away before he was too far gone.
"He had to take her to his favourite place. He wanted to share everything with her. He was so happy with her up on the cliff. Touch was all they needed. He hadn't felt anything like that before. She started to get cold, he didn't want to leave but he didn't want her to be cold. She always felt cold to him but she never shivered so that was his cue.
"He tried to slow the pace to delay leaving her. They appeared at her door all too soon. Thanks, she said. He didn't know what she was thanking him for but he didn't care. He loved spending time with her. He pulled her in for one last kiss before she shut the door on him again. He put his forehead on her door as he was pushed out again.
"He dragged his heavy feet up the stairs and he laid in bed for hours. He just couldn't sleep. He was recalling his breath taking date," I roll my eyes. "Best he's ever had, he thought. He finally fell asleep but he was woken by piercing screams. It ripped right through him. She sounded worse than normal and he didn't think that was possible. He ran downstairs and he was so glad the door wasn't locked.
"She was thrashing about on the bed. Sweat was dripping off her skin, it's harder being sober she said. Yes, he could see that. He didn't try to stay undetected, he couldn't see her like that any longer. Mommy! She whimpered. I'm sorry Mommy! He cupped her face, he was panicking. He begged her to wake up. Her scared eyes opened and it took a lot for her to admit she wasn't okay.
"She wanted to drink herself into oblivion. He could see why she did it but he didn't accept it. He pulled her to him and held her. She said she couldn't cry. He fucking hates crying but he was glad the Angel couldn't cry but he didn't quite believe she couldn't, not that he wanted to test the theory. She was opening up and he loved it. She curled up to him and she placed her hand on my abs turning me on then she fucking fell asleep."
I giggle, "I didn't do it on purpose, I didn't know," I grin and he peppers kisses on my face.
"He thanked the lord she wasn't half naked after her tease. When he woke he needed to get ready before Tyler found out. He had hoped the Angel wouldn't wake before he got back. He looked at her beautiful face before he left."
"Wait, you were going to come back before I woke?" This is news. I thought he just left me because he was playing me.
"Yes, I did go back for you but you were gone. You are so stubborn baby. He had to lie to Tyler again. Said he was on a date with the redhead. How could he say he was on a date with his sister that he threatens all the time to stay away from? He thought he could have Regan as a barrier for his relationship with the Angel. He could keep them away from each other, right?
"They got to campus and Regan came towards him. Oh, hey Regan, Tyler said slyly. What was he up to? So, Flynn was wondering if you'd be his girlfriend?" I laugh and Flynn frowns at me.
"I thought you were joking about that, my brother asked her out for you?"
"Yes, I was pissed as hell." He strokes my face again, "He wanted to kill him. He never made his mind up if he actually wanted to do this. She squealed and hugged him. Yes! she screamed. Fuck my life, he thought. He sent daggers at Tyler but he was grinning. He felt her presence in the courtyard. He growled as he saw her smoking and most likely drinking. She wouldn't look at him and he knew that she knew he was there.
"He walked Regan to class and she kissed him. He made no input in kissing her and she never complained. He marched off to his next class with his Angel. She was withdrawing again. Why was she acting like this? He had an amazing time last night. Did she not? He needed to know if she was drinking he nearly spat it out it was so strong. Why was she denying him touching her? He needed it!
"She thought he was playing her. He didn't know what else he could do. You aren't shit to me, her words linger in his brain. She was everything to him yet, he was shit to her? She fled again but he wasn't letting her go this time. He'd had enough. Something was wrong with her. He ran to her and she was swaying. He caught her in time before she fell. He held her as her body seized in his arms. He was losing his shit.
"His whole world was seizing in his arms. What was he supposed to do? He tried to remain calm. Once her seizure stopped he lifted her up and rushed to Tyler's car. Her speech was slurred and she didn't make a lot of sense. He broke the speed limits to get her to the hospital faster. What else could he do? He felt relieved when he reached the hospital. Had she had seizures before? He didn't know. He didn't know a lot about her. Tyler told him nothing.
"She was always docile unconscious and would cling to him. She'd need him for comfort but the minute she was awake she'd push him away. When he received the news about her heart he was terrified. He had even more incentive to get her sober. But how? Was she suicidal? He'd heard her mention about mortality but would she really do it? Was she in that much pain? She tried to flee away from him again! He just wanted to hold her, be in their bubble.
"He needed to know why she was the way she was. He needed to help her but she wouldn't let him. He drove to the chemist to get her meds. He had to find a way for her to take them. He had no responsibilities before she came along and it seemed to turn into a full-time job. He lived for her, breathed for her. She pulled him to her and that's the moment he realised he loved her. He cried in the car. Why did he have to fall in love with her? He didn't have a choice, she frustrated the fuck out of him yet, he loved her twice as much."
"You cried?" I whisper. He nods looking into my eyes. "You loved me then?"
"I think I loved you way before then but it's when I admitted it to myself," I nod urging for him to continue. "He had to pick up Regan on the way. She was talking to him but he didn't have a fucking clue what she was saying. He just needed to see his Angel, sober. He needed to show Tyler he wasn't interested in his sister. That's all Regan was. He walked into the frat house and his eyes locked with the Angel. She smiled and downed the alcohol. He was literally going to kill her.
"Why would she when it could kill her? Over his dead body was Tristan fucking her. He was restless as Tristan was touching her. He was ready to punch him there and then. She gulped the poison. That's what it was to her. He had to hold the couch to stop him from going up there. Tyler was going to dinner but he couldn't eat. He faked an illness and got Tyler to take Regan home. Tristan's calls were the worst. Once Tyler was gone he climbed those stairs two by two.
"He couldn't handle it anymore. When he barged in the room he took a moment to take her in. He'd seen her aroused but that wasn't it. She wasn't even enjoying it so why would she do it? He dragged her out of there. He didn't care if she was naked but he was glad she wasn't. He didn't want anyone else seeing her. He was so angry with her. She felt cold as he felt her body. When they were like this she didn't push him away and he was so fucking glad as he had to claim her. No barriers, no walls, no masks.
"He needed her permission. Not just her body leading the way. Her verbal consent. Would he get it? His cock was so painful, he needed release. He loved how responsive she was to him. Never been turned on for her fuckable tits to not harden. That was unacceptable. Trust was hard for her, he needed her to trust him. She didn't seem shocked or horrified that he confessed his love for her but she didn't return it. He didn't need her to. This was enough." In all honesty I still thought he was playing me, so why would he not say that?
     A player would say anything to get what they want.
"She called out and it was so erotic. She wasn't used to feeling so she was scared. There were no words to describe what it felt to finally be inside of her. He'd never felt anything like it. He didn't know how he ended up inside of her. It felt like years of waiting and his patience had finally paid off. She was worth it in his eyes. She was his now. He claimed her and it's the sanity he needed. There was no way she was putting a barrier up. If he wanted to kiss her he would bloody well do so. He had to claim every inch of her body.
"Her body was hot for the first time. She was so loud as her orgasm ripped through her but he needed to hear her screams. She was making him hard again watching her ride out her orgasm. They spooned and she fell asleep. His rules of spooning seemed unimportant. He needed her in every way. He always woke at the same time every day. Yet as she slept around him the alarm woke them. He was so glad she was still there and naked! He'd never seen a sight better than the beautiful Angel as he woke.
"She asked why he was so mad at them having mementoes after he expressed his love for her. Why would he want other people getting off on her clothes. She belonged to him now. He went to the twat's room and threatened him to stay away from her. And to not supply her with alcohol whilst he was at it. He had to hurry back to her before she started to turn cold. He'd got too far for her to withdraw. He emptied the bottles into the bin that were in her bag. He held her diary in his hand. He was so close to knowing he secrets.
"He really wanted to read it but he knew she wouldn't trust him if he did that. He needed her permission. He would wait until she was ready to tell him. Relief washed over him as she she smiled at him when he returned. When she overreacted about the booze she said it was her life. She was so wrong he felt as though it was theirs. To hear of her illegal activities was a turn on."
"I am ashamed of them," I sigh.
"Stealing is nothing baby," he assures me.
"No, that wasn't all." He frowns, "Sure, it started out that way. It was easy but I needed to fund my drug habit. I needed to be completely numb."
"Okay, what did you do?"
"I prostituted for a while. It felt good, you know," he glares at me. "Not in that way, just it boosts your self-esteem. Guys actually paid you for your services. You were wanted. I tried not to accept the same person more than once. I'm probably still banned from every store in my home town. Word got around, I wasn't allowed to step foot inside because of theft. Guess I didn't let that stop me so the police were called.
"I was arrested for assaulting a police officer. I was rather volatile back then. My Dad made me stew all day and all night before he bailed me out. He thought that it would sober me up and snap out of it. Well, he was wrong. I only retaliated more. When I moved to Duke I missed males attention so I danced at my hotel."
Flynn laughs, "Oh, I know baby. And your Mom knows too."
The hell? "How did you know?"
"Well, you'll find out later in the story," I nod. Sounds like ages away. We have a lot to get through. "He prayed that everything would go smoothly today. What could go wrong? He held her hand as they walked downstairs and then he realised Tyler couldn't see so he had to grudgingly remove his hand from hers.
"He thought Tyler knew he fucked his sister he was going to get killed. It really was the best fuck ever. He was hard recalling the memory. He saw her pain as she got out of the car. He wanted to hold her but he couldn't. Regan literally running towards him and he groaned. She kissed him and he hated it. It was masking the Angel's touch. She should always be the last person to touch his lips. To do it in front of the love of his life? Unacceptable.
"So much for keeping them apart. He couldn't blame her for pushing him out but he hated it. She fled the scene and literally left him with a crying Regan. So fucking innocent. He didn't do crying." I laugh that I made her cry, "He didn't have a lot of nice things to say in her defence. Only that she was. . .Riley. He hated it when Tyler called her a Bitch. That wasn't who she really was and he was defensive. Tyler went on about how she'd be crying before after confrontation. Very emotional he said. Anger was never an emotion she went to before.
"He walked Regan to class and she said you care about her. He didn't want to lie but he had to be careful with his words. She's a pain in my ass, he said. I promised Tyler to look out for her. She asked if there was anything between us. He shrugged it off and said no bro code. He didn't feel as though he needed to explain himself to her. Do you find her attractive, she asked. He lied, said she frustrated the hell out of him and he'd sooner kill her. Well wasn't a total lie," he smirks.
"Hey," I whine and he kisses my lips.
"The minute he left Regan he started to think of her. He hoped she was still in the gym and not drinking. She was safe there. He was starving, he didn't eat dinner because of her. Although he'd happily skip another meal to be inside of her. He headed to the gym before the first lecture finished. He felt her the minute he walked in. Even with sweat pouring off her she was still so beautiful. He had to make her see that he was all in. Nothing had changed but she was tainted by the past.
"Jealousy, rage, he hated her speaking so negatively about herself. She needed him for guidance. He looked into her eyes and she was literally hanging off the edge. She was so close to letting him in. When she said she was broken beyond repair, she was scrap metal. You can do a lot with scrap metal. He could fix her, he had nothing and you learn to adapt to what you have. He was going to fix her and then she would only really belong to him. So close yet Tyler got in the way. Again. She fled again too.
"All the question were flying around in his head again as the day dragged. Is she drinking? Is she fucking a tosser? His stalking was getting out of control and he knew it. He went to the pub and he felt her. She looked straight at him as though she could sense him too. She was drunk. He was so angry. Why would she do that? Tyler had been planning to call rank for days but he was going to do it.
"He was just a pussy and waited until she'd eaten. Apparently she's in a better mood then. Never saw that in action! He watched her eat the burger and he imagined eating the burger and her. She thought he was playing her but how could he force instant arousals? His cock was throbbing imagining that scene. If I drink myself into and early grave it's on you, she said. Why was she still determined to drink? Why did she have to be difficult and make her own way there? It was only going to make him anxious.
   "He couldn't help but follow after her. She wouldn't even try to give them a shot and it pained him. That's all he wanted for her to try. He was starving, he hadn't eaten for nearly 24 hours but he didn't care. He had to follow. She was stealling and he couldn't afford to be caught, he had a record, yet, he still wouldn't leave her." He really would follow me anywhere. "She was literally downing the poison right in front of him and it hurt him and rage consumed him. What could he do to make her see?
    "He really did want to be good for her. You can't love me, she snapped. Oh how wrong she was. He loved her more than anything on the planet. He knew who she was, he could see what was on the inside. He could see the girl screaming and begging to come out. Once she fled again he headed to the pub. His food was cold but he ate it anyway. He was starving. Tyler snapped at him for trying to help. Tyler invited Regan over that night. He was pissed as hell, should it not be his choice?
     "He met Regan at the frat house because he had to work. He went to Tyler's room and Regan and Tyler were sat on his bed. They were just about to start watching a film. She curled up to him and he hated it but he had to keep up the act in front of Tyler. Riley was what he said. She was seen running to her room but radio silence. As he thought. How long would she keep him out this time? Regan started to get a bit handsy."
    I freeze, why is he telling me this? How would he feel if I told him how I bedded a guy? Not that I remember much, it's all hazy. "He had no interest in doing anything with her. They ordered food and Tyler got beer. He knew Regan was a lightweight so he kept topping up her drink on purpose. If she was drunk he'd have a good excuse not to fuck her. Are you ready for bed, he asked."
    "No," I whisper. "I don't want to hear how you fucked her this time," I snap. I just about handles the last time. He strokes my cheek.
    "Shh baby, you need to know this," he kisses my lips. "Hmm, yeah I want your cock inside of me, she said." Tears fall down my face and he starts wiping them. "His mouth fell open. Innocent as they come and words like that fall from her mouth. Tyler laughes as he would. Booze made this girl naughty. He should have drowned her in booze before." Please stop talking, why do I need to hear this? "He carried her over his shoulder to his room. He tossed her on his bed not worrying about being gentle.
    "He took her shoes off but left her fully clothed. He only removed his top and shoes. He climbed into bed and she climbed on him. I'll ride you, she said. No, you aren't in control. I'm too tired, girls don't ride me. I fuck them hard and fast, he said sternly. She started grinding against him." I whimper but he keeps going. "I like it when you fuck me hard and fast, she grinned. He held her hips to stop her moving. That would even turn on a dead corpse. She started kissing his neck and he flipped her on her back pinning her against the bed.
    "You're drunk. I'm an arsehole but I won't fuck my girlfriend when she's intoxicated, he said. I give you permission. I want you to, you can do that as my boyfriend, she insisted. She tried kissing him and he rolled onto his back creating distance. You have no control here, I'm shattered, you either go to sleep or you walk home, he growled. She climbed between his legs and undid the button of his jeans. She pulled them down as much as she could. When was she going to pass out, he thought.
    "She removed her top and then removed her bra. He looked at her topless and there was nothing. She pulled his boxers down and he wasn't hard. After all that seduction, no hard-on. His Angel made him hard with the simplest things yet this was nothing. She grasped his deflated cock and desperately tried to make him hard. Do you not find me attractive, she whined. No, not anymore he didn't. I told you I was tired. I can't wave a magic wand and make myself hard. It doesn't work that way, he informed her. Well, it does, my magic wand is Riley, he thought to himself.
    "You don't want to fuck me? she released his cock that still wasn't hard. Am I that repulsive? she cried. Hell, she's crying he groaned. He pulled his boxers and jeans up. He took her hand. He thought to himself if it was his Angel he would cup her beautiful face and kiss her tears away. It's been a long day, I promise I'll make it up to you. Preferably when you aren't drunk. I don't want to take advantage of you, he said. She stopped crying and she hugged him and she became dead weight.
    "He put her top back on, he didn't need a topless girl in his bed. He'd much prefer a naked Angel though. He left her in his room and walked downstairs."
     "Wait, you didn't fuck her?" I whisper.
     "No baby, I supplied her with drink so I had an excuse. I'd much rather have told her to fucking do one but I had to play it like that for Tyler. I needed you to know that I couldn't fuck anyone, even if I wanted to. Only you made me hard. Now please stop crying," I nod and he carries on. "He stopped outside the Angel's door. Riley, he called. He rested his forehead on her door. Please, he begged.
      "What are you doing? Nathan asked. He looked at Nathan, Have you spoken to Riley this evening? he asked. No, no one has for days. She used to party every night, he said. He prefered Nathan out of the lot of them, he was more of the guy next door as opposed to the fuck em and leave them type."
    I smile, "So, I chose well then. To have him as my friend I mean," he glares at me.
    "No, just no. He still wanted to fuck you," he growls. "I'm hoping she will cave soon and accept my offer of a date, Nathan said. Unlikely, she doesn't date he thought. If you see her, let me know he growled. Sure, but I'd probably be busy for a while if I saw her, Nathan laughed. Why did he have to fall in love with this girl? He hated how many guys had fucked her. He went downstairs and Tyler was sat on the couch. That was quick mate, Tyler teased.
    "I want details bro, I know full well it wasn't Regan you fucked last night because I took her home, so who was it? Are you going to tell her? Tyler asked. Just a random, he tried to brush Tyler off. No, she doesn't need to know, he said. Just a random? If she was the best fuck ever she must have been good, Tyler pressed. Have you ever had sex with someone and everything they do is erotic? The way they orgasm, the way they are reeling in your pleasure. Their face as they come apart, their screams send you into a quicker stronger orgasm, he asked Tyler.
    "Mate, that sounds like more than a random, sounds like you have feelings for her, Tyler says. Is that why you've been so distant lately because you are seeing someone? Tyler asked. Maybe, he said. She's complicated. She flipped my world upside down but she doesn't feel the same way. It's just casual, he shrugged. So what is Regan? Tyler asked. You forced her on me, remember that. Maybe Regan can bring out her jealous side and she will commit. Regan is innocent as they come and she bores me, he laughed. If only I'd known drunk Regan is more fun.
    "Is that what you want? This girl to be you girlfriend? Tyler laughs. Did you take her virginity? What did Regan do? he asked. Fuck no, I wouldn't take anyone's virginity, he growled. He explained to Tyler what Regan did. He told Tyler how he wasn't aroused during the encounter. You didn't answer my question. So do you want her to be your girlfriend, Tyler asked again. Yes, he said. In fact, I've never wanted anything more. I hate sharing her, to see her with other guys infuriates me. I enjoyed the chase, she acted like she didn't like me but her body tells me otherwise. She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, he admitted.
    "And she doesn't want you? Flynn Archer, bad boy that can seduce any woman without even trying? Tyler joked. She wants me alright, she just won't admit it. He hoped he wouldn't put two and two together and realised it was his sister. Do you love her? Flynn Archer who loves no one? The minute girls get attached you dump their ass, Tyler said. Yes, he admitted. It all makes sense now, he laughed. How distant you've been, how I can't get hold of you sometimes. You've been with her right? Tyler asked.
    "Yeah, he shrugged. He thought, don't be a genius today and figure it out. Does she know about Regan? Tyler said. Yeah, thanks for that by the way, he growled. What? he laughed. Did she not like it? No, she did not. Pushed me further away. You know you're a cockblocker, right? he growled but Tyler laughed hysterically. Mate, maybe she's just not that into you, he joked. I don't believe that, he snapped. Was she jealous, he asked. Yes, she flipped right out. He thought to himself that he was the one that made her resort to drink. He may as well have poured the poison down her throat himself.
   "There you go then bud. Keep making her jealous and she will come running to you to fuck your brains out, Tyler shrugged. She's not like other girls, this will push her further away, he said. Well, I'm sorry bud. You aren't going to tell me her name, are you? What if I accidentally sleep with her? I'll break bro code. He laughed so loud. There was no chance of that happening! What are you trying to say? She wouldn't be interested in me? Look at me, Tyler insisted. It offended his ego."
Jeez, Tyler is a man whore.
    "You aren't her type was all he could say. Right, I'm off to bed, you going to be alright, Tyler asked. Yeh bro, unless you want to put Regan in your bed, he said. Tyler laughed, Yeah, good girls aren't my thing. They both laughed and Tyler vacated upstairs. Did that mean he could break up with Regan? Will making her jealous work? He had no idea what to do anymore."