Forever Lost

Chapter 5

"Let me in, Ri, please. Just tonight," he begs and I groan. His hands stroke my face as his eyes bore into me. "Let me make you feel," he begs.
     "Ricardo makes me feel," I protest.
     He removes his hands from my face, "He makes you come?" he says shocked. He doesn't seem pissed which is good because he doesn't have a right to be.
     "Well, once," I admit.
     "How many times has he claimed you?" he scowls.
     "A few," I shrug.
     "How many is a few?" he pants and I match my breathing to his as he inches towards me.
     "I don't know. I told you, only recently he can."
     "Did he make you come the first time?" he whispers in my ear and my sex throbs.
     "No," I pant.
     "Second time?" I shake my head. "Has he fingered you?" I shake my head and his nose touches my cheek. "Have you fucked him with your dirty mouth?" I shake my head and he smirks. "Has he tasted you?"
      "No, Flynn, I can't," I admit and he smiles at me.
      "I want to taste you so bad," I groan and throw my head back. "I need to reclaim you, it's been too long."
      "You love Scarlett, Flynn. You'll regret this tomorrow."
      "Tell me you don't want this and I'll walk away."
     "I don't want this," I lie. It's a lost cause, he knows he has me right where he wants me. If I didn't like Scarlett and if I knew Flynn didn't love her he wouldn't have to beg me like this.
      "Hell, Ri, you never could lie to me," he kisses my neck and I groan. "Beg me to stop," he pants as he kisses my neck.
      "Stop," I whimper. His lips feel so good against my skin. I am lost in Flynn's spell and he knows it.
      "You'll need to try better than that, baby." I groan. I need him to stop but I can't find the words. He removes my coat and I whimper again. "Tell me to stop!" he growls.
      "I. . . I can't." I whine and he smirks. He undoes the necktie on my dress and lets it fall revealing my breasts. "Flynn," I whimper. I'm not sure what I'm begging for.
      "This is your last chance, baby. Tell me to stop," he insists.
      "I'm lost!" I whimper.
      "I know, you are lost. My lost soul." His lips claim mine and he stands up keeping his lips on mine. He lifts me up so I cling my legs around his waist and he reaches down for the remote and turns the TV off. He staggers towards the bedroom and switches the living room light off. He drops me on the bed and I gasp.
     My lips are parted trying to draw in some breath. I can't see him but I hear him removing his clothes. I hear the sound of a foil packet and I cringe. He climbs on top of me and he rips it open. "No," I beg.
     "What?" he asks.
     "I want to feel all of you or not at all."
     "Do you have unprotected sex with Ric?"
     "No, I need as much protection from him as I can."
     "Fuck," he growls. He tosses the packet away and starts peeling the dress off me. Once my dress is discarded he slides my panties down. He cups my breasts and he growls again. "How are these bigger?" Bigger? Really? He brings my nipple in his mouth and I groan. So sensitive, he grazes them with his teeth and he purrs. "Mmm, these are fucking edible."
      He pushes my legs further apart and he thrusts into me and I bury my face in his neck and I sink my teeth in and he groans. "I've fucking missed you, baby." I match his thrusts with my hips and I explode. "Too soon, I'm not finished with you." Everything is burning, I feel him around me, in me. I throw my head back and his lips crush mine. His piercing plays with my tongue.
      "Does he make you feel like this?" he says into my ear.
      "No," I pant.
      "Did he make you come like this?"
      "No," I whimper.
      He trails kisses along my jaw and I groan. "Did he make you come this quickly?"
      "No, Flynn," I arch my back absorbing this pleasure. His lips greedily crush mine and I am well and truly lost. I've missed this taste, his minty taste which is masked by jager bombs.
      He places his hand over my heart, "Did he make your heart react like this." My heart is literally pounding and he can probably feel it under his hand. "Is he as good as me in bed?"
     "No Flynn, okay? No one ever will be," he twists his hips and thrusts into me. He flips us over so I'm on top of him. He holds my hips as I move up and down.
     "Did you ride him like this?"
     "No, I'm not that comfortable with him," I admit and he flexes his hips and I groan.
     "Feel me, baby. Feel, Riley."
     "I can't," I whimper.
     He flexes his hips again, "You must," he growls. "Feel, come back to me, baby." I kiss him to keep him quiet but he grabs my face. "Lower your wall," he urges.
     "No," I protest. He flips us over again and pulls out of me.
     "Lower.Your.Wall," he growls and thrusts back into me.
     "No!" I whimper.
     "Do it, Ri," he says and withdraws again. "Let us in," he growls and pushes back inside me and I throw my head back. "Ri, don't be so stubborn."
     "I can't," I whimper.
     He repeats the process, "Christ, you never used to be this stubborn. I need you to lower it, Ri." I'm on the edge again. "Not yet, baby. I can never get enough of you."
     He withdraws from me once more and I whimper as he delays my climax. "Say you love me!" he growls. He slams back into me and I bite his neck again. "Say it, Ri."
    "I can't," I protest.
    "Say it," he says as he repeats the process. "Fuck, you're exhausting."
    "No," I groan.
    "Please," he begs. "I need you to say it. Connect with me, Ri. Feel what we are," he touches my heart again. "Love me," he places my hand on his heart and it's pounding. "Be one with me. Love me," he begs.
     "I. . ." I haven't told anyone in so long. "I love you." I pant and he buries his face in my neck and sucks my neck. I groan and he picks up the rhythm. I feel sore, my muscles ache, it must be a while since he's been fucking me. Although it feels like time has stood still.
      "Yes, baby, you do, remember," he growls. He kisses me as we climax together. He stills and rests all his weight on me and after a while, his breathing softens and I know he's asleep. I shut my eyes and fall asleep.
      I wake to something heavy on me. Hell! Flynn! Shit, what did I do last night? How could I be so stupid? He stirs on me and I hold my breath. He nuzzles my neck and I freeze. "You smell good, Scar," I groan and push him off me. It was a mistake, I should never have let him in. I get up and slam the door to the bathroom. I get in the shower and cry. How could I do this to Scarlett?
      I am Evelyn, I am a shitty friend. I collapse on the floor of the shower and bring my knees to my chest. I bury my face on my knees and sob. How could I be so stupid? I was sober, I should have said no but he consumes me! My bedroom door opens but I don't lookup. I continue to cry, it's all I can do. "Riley," he says softly.
      He climbs in the shower with me and he pulls me onto his lap as the water cascades over us. "I'm sorry, Riley." I cry into his neck, "I'm sure you know what I'm going to say. I am a shit," Of course, I know what he's going to say. "I was drunk, you tried to stop me but I was too intoxicated. Please, stop crying."
    "Go," I whimper.
    "Not until I've fixed this." He rocks me on his lap as I continue to pour my heart out.
    "You can't fix this! Nothing you can say will make this okay! I am Evelyn, it's going to kill her."
    "You can't tell her, Riley."
    "I have to," I sob. "I hated Evelyn for not telling me."
    "We will lose her," he panics.
     "I know and I'm not telling her to hurt you. She needs to know, Flynn. I care about her!"
    "I know, let me tell her. I'm going to lose her too."
    "No, I need to tell her Flynn. I was at fault, this was on me."
    "I took advantage of you, Riley. How was this your fault?" he growls.
    "You were drunk, you didn't know what you were doing. I should have tried harder to stop you, I was sober." I cry and he tries hushing me.
     "Doesn't matter, Riley. I still shouldn't have pushed you like that. You didn't even say yes and I feel sick."
      "Are you kidding me? You think you what? Raped me? I couldn't stop you because I was high on you. I would never say no to you which is why we are in this mess!"
     He sighs, "I'm still an arsehole."
     "Yes, you are but not for that reason. Please leave before, Miley wakes up." I beg and he makes no attempt to move. "Flynn!"
     "Once you've stopped crying and eaten I will leave."
     "I can't," I cry.
    "Can't what?"
    "Eat."
    "Sure you can, I'm going to cook something for you both," he climbs out the shower leaving me alone in the shower not able to protest. I climb to my feet and start washing myself. I am literally the worst person in the world. Once I'm finished I leave the shower and brush my teeth. I go to the loo and walk into my bedroom.
     I find some clothes to wear and dress in jeans although they are starting to get snug around my hips. I put on a hoodie and spray perfume on and leave the room. "Did you stay last night?" Miley asks as she sits on the kitchen counter whilst Flynn cooks.
    "Yes," he admits. Why did he say that? She smiles, "Does that make you happy, Smiley?" She nods.
     "Mommy is happier with you around. She's sad all the time, she doesn't eat much and she's always sick. She doesn't sleep a lot. My nightmares are fading but she says I can't sleep with her anymore because of her nightmares." Miley frowns and my heart breaks.
     "Why didn't you tell me, Smiley?"
     "Mommy keeps telling me she's fine. She cries a lot, she used to be so happy and now she's not." My heart crumbles and I shut my bedroom door and they both look at me. I walk to the kettle and turn it on.
     "Morning, baby, what do you want to drink?" I ask her as I kiss her cheek and she giggles.
    "Milk please, Mommy." I smile and get her a glass out and a cup. I make Flynn a coffee and fill her glass with Milk. I pour some water in a glass and drink some and I pass them their drinks. "Thanks, Mommy, are you staying with us all day?"
      "Well, I was going to leave after breakfast but maybe we can do something today?"
     Miley squeals, "Swimming. Please," she says excitedly.
     "I'm sure Flynn can take you swimming baby," she frowns.
    "I want you both to take me," she looks so sad.
    "We are taking you swimming, aren't we?" he glares at me and I roll my eyes. "See, it's settled. Why don't you go watch TV Smiley," Miley nods and Flynn helps her off the counter and she skips to the couch with her milk. "Riley, she needs this."
     I sigh, "I know," I growl.
    "So why are you so pissed?"
    "Because it's not what I need. I need space from you. I'm not stopping you spending time with her, she needs you but I can't."
     "She needs us to be civil, Riley. I think she sees us as somewhat parents. We were always together in her eyes and now we are separated. She wants us to be together. I don't want her feeling so upset."
      "And you think I do? You left me remember?"
      He sighs, "I know, I fucking know okay? Let's just get through today for her sake." I nod and he serves the pancakes on three plates. I wash up and clean the sides whilst he sits down with Miley and watches TV. "Riley, sit down and eat."
     I roll my eyes, he gets up and grabs my pills and he passes them to me. I follow him to the sofa with the pills and plate. I take the meds and place them on the table. I nibble the pancakes and Flynn sighs. He carefully pushes it in my mouth and I groan. I chew the whole thing and swallow.
I finish everything on my plate and Flynn relaxes. I roll my eyes and watch TV. My stomach starts swirling and I whimper. I hold my tummy and Flynn looks at me. Flynn puts his hand on my stomach and the churning somewhat settles. I sigh with relief that I haven't puked yet. I rest my head on the back of the sofa and focus on his burning hand on my stomach.
     Flynn's phone pings and he has to remove his hand from my stomach to look at it and the churning comes in full force. I leap to my feet and run to the bathroom. I reach the toilet before I hurl. Hell! I hate this! Moments later Flynn comes in and holds my hair back. "Why do you keep being sick?"
     I can't answer right now as I'm busy puking. Flynn rests his hand on my stomach and everything eases. "How would I know? I miss being able to eat properly. I hate being sick," I take a deep breath. I get up and flush the toilet. I sit on the toilet and he keeps his hand on my stomach and I'm grateful. It's strangely soothing, who would have thought?
     I reach over to the sink and grab my mouthwash and I rinse my mouth. "Are you feeling better?" I nod and spit into the sink. "Good," he says and takes my hand and leads me back into the living room. "Shall we go after lunch?" Flynn asks.
     "Can we go to the park again?" Miley asks. "Rex needs to go for a walk." Flynn looks at me and I shrug. I feed the dog whilst I remember.
     "Sure, Smiley." I roll my eyes and I walk into her room and find her swimsuit and towel. I grab her spare clothes and walk through the bathroom to my room. I find a bag and place her things in the bag. I find my awful bikini that Flynn made me buy and place it in the bag. Flynn walks into the bedroom and holds his phone out to me. "Your Mom wants to speak to you."
     "Well, I don't want to speak to her. Tell her I'm fine and Hayden got his wish." I growl and find spare clothes for me in case I get too wet at the park.
      "Riley, come on, she's trying to make amends, you know your Dad didn't mean what he said. You are just so far from who you were. He blames himself you know," I roll my eyes but ignore the phone. Flynn sighs and sits on the bed and pulls me onto his lap and holds me in place whilst he places the phone on speaker. "Okay Abigail, she's all yours."
    "Lee?" she says.
    "No, it's Bob," I say sarcastically.
    "Oh Honey, your Dad is so sorry. He got angry, please forgive him."
    "When will you realise I will never be the same? I keep warning you all but you don't listen. Flynn isn't going to fix me this time."
     "I know Honey, it just takes some adjusting on our part. Honey, is Ricardo what you want? He's lovely and all. . ."
     "What now Abigail? You moan that I haven't got someone in my life and now you moan because he's not Flynn."
     "That's not what I said, Lee. He just doesn't look after you very well."
    "I told you, I don't need looking after!" I hold my finger up the phone and press the end button.
      "Riley, why are you being so cruel?"
      "Fuck you, Flynn. This is me!"
      "No, it's not. I know who you are, this isn't you." I get up and he lets me. I finish packing the bag and I leave my room. Miley is watching TV on the sofa when I come back in.
      "Moo, let's get you dressed." She jumps off the couch and skips to her room. I help her into her clothes and I send her to brush her teeth. When I walk back into the living room Flynn has left the apartment. It strangely feels empty without him in my apartment.
      Miley returns in the living room, "Where did he go?" she asks confused.
     "Don't know baby, probably went to get his stuff for swimming," he could have at least told me what he was doing. He was the one who promised to take her swimming then he better well keep it. I put her coat on and her wellies whilst we wait for Flynn to get back.
     The apartment door opens and Flynn walks in with a bag. I glare at him and he rolls his eyes at me. He's wearing a leather jacket over his hoodie. I put the lead on Rex and Flynn grabs my coat and holds it open for me. I take it off him and put it on myself. I hear him sigh but I ignore him. I grab my bag and we leave the apartment.
     Miley holds our hands and we swing her back and forth and she squeals with delight. I smile down at her, it's so nice to hear her enjoy life. Flynn presses the call button to the elevator and we wait until it pings open. We walk in and feel the charge between Flynn and me again. I stop breathing again waiting to get to the ground floor.
     I hurry out of the elevator and take a deep breath when we are outside. "You get in the car honey, I'll make sure Rex does his business first." She nods and I release her hand and I walk towards the green and let Rex off the lead. I take a moment to clear my head. The longer I am away from Flynn clarity comes back.
     I need to find a way to tell Scarlett what I did. Hopefully, if I am honest with her she will forgive me. I promised her it was over and it is. I was so stupid to let him in like that. I think it's just another possessive thing. He was always possessive over me, I don't think that will ever go away.