Sweet. | J.Bellingham

2

'Think I like you best when you're just with me and no one else'

"He wants you so bad." Alexa's voice was heard through the phone making the girl roll her eyes.

"Stop saying that he literally just came home and bought me food like he always does."

"Girl, be fucking for real. He came to your apartment right after practice, he literally call you everyday after practice, he bought you food. Food, Laura." The girl said insisting on the word food making her best friend uncomfortable.

"Your boyfriends buy you food too."

"Don't make me say out loud why it's different."

Laura had told her best friend about her illness. God she hated to call it a illness, it looked incurable. But she hated saying eating disorder as well, it looked so random, like if she was only skipping a few meals here and there and she couldn't wear shorts because her tights were too big. Laura wished there was a word that could describe all the pain. All the tears and scratch, the starving and purging, the sleepless nights and lazy days, the pain and the pain. She could still feel her intestine wring as her meal escaped from her throat a few hours ago.

"You're beautiful."

Alexa's words were hurting, because it wasn't ringing right. It all seems so wrong. But Laura was used to take the compliment without accepting it.

She hated them, the compliments. Because they were reminding her of everything she wasn't. From time to time she would forget how disgusting she looked, but when someone reminded it to her, then she remembered. And oh she hated to remember.

Laura did not like a lot of things. She liked gossiping with her best friend, Alexa, drinking tea, her black jogging she was wearing all the time, food, and Jude. But liking wasn't strong enough, not for Jude.

On the other hand, Laura hated a lot of things. She hated judgey people, taking the bus, hearing about her best friend's heartbreak through the phone, society, food but mainly, Laura hated herself.

"I know you don't see it, but you're really one of the most beautiful person on this planet."

"You're so much prettier than me." Like always, Laura tried to avoid the compliment by sending one back.

"No I'm not" she answered, almost too fast, as if she already knew what her answer will be. "You know someone else's beauty doesn't take yours away."

There it was, her throat started to feel itchy and her eyes were glossy. She felt like bursting into tears and snuggle on his chest while he'd hold her whispering everything will be alright. But she would never call him. So she swallowed her saliva and ignored the pain it caused her.

"I think I'm gonna rest now, I'm a bit tired."

Alexa nodded, knowing what was going on. Not being here for her best friend, because living in canada, was truly paining her. She wished she could be here with her today, because tonight was one of those night where Laura would fall asleep at 3am after having cried for a few hours in her bed.